My parents live with me and Dad has dementia how do I accept I'm breaking down?

Welcome. So sorry you need to be here. Maybe it’s time to reevaluate things. Could you hire some help? If people outside of your mom and dad are asking for help maybe it’s time to just say NO! I have a hard time setting boundaries too. I feel like I need to do everything for everyone. I am constantly struggling to not worry about what others think of me. I can only do so much and be pulled in so many directions. There are limits. Mom’s dementia and a difficult brother have taken a toll on me. As much as I hated to do it I finally asked my doctor about something mild to help with my anxiety. Feel free to vent.

You are not a bad person. You are a great person who is caring for their parents.

I have found myself in a similar position. Not so much with my mom who had dementia. But I was bitter because my siblings really let me and my mom down. I saw other families who stuck together and I just felt robbed because our situation was so different for as long as I can remember.

Sounds dumb, but what has helped me is being honest with my spouse on what my needs are. Beyond that, I try to list three good things that happened the day before. It puts me in a better mood. Even more recently, I am now counting the number of times someone is inconsiderate and I have just let it roll off. Three times there too means its a good day.

To answer your question “How do I accept that I’m breaking down?” The answer is -you don’t accept it. You tell everyone. Who else is in your life making demands about how you’re doing things? Would it be appropriate to say “that’s a great idea, can you ahead and manage that task?”

I’ve had comments that are along the lines of “You’re making this too complicated…” to which I respond “because it IS complicated!”

Also, “you’re overthinking it, they will take care of at the Memory Care Facility,” to which I respond “if they were actually taking care of it at the Memory Care Facility, I WOULDN’T be thinking about it!”

Do things the way you want to do them, but if someone else has “input” I would suggest you hear them out and delegate the task if it’s appropriate. Sometimes I lose sight of what I’m doing, because I’m also stressed out and hate everyone.