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who's place is this

russeg
russeg Member Posts: 3
First Answer First Comment
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in Caring For a Spouse or Partner

my spouse wakes up in the morning inquiring as to who's place is this. (we are in our home of 50 years). How about all those other places that we have…(we have no other places)

How should I respond to this. I am her caregiver…married 57 years this month.

Answers

  • russeg
    russeg Member Posts: 3
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  • Barbie300
    Barbie300 Member Posts: 68
    100 Care Reactions Second Anniversary 25 Likes 10 Comments
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    My DH occasionally wakes up and asks where are we. I just say we’re at home and he seems ok with that.

  • Lilydaisy
    Lilydaisy Member Posts: 117
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    I haven't had this one yet, but it seems to me that questions or comments like this are best resolved with a harmless lie (I think it's called a therapeutic fib).

  • Ivy98
    Ivy98 Member Posts: 15
    10 Comments 5 Likes 5 Care Reactions
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    https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/282281#Comment_282281

    Thanks for that insightful note I focus more on trying to be honest to foster continued trust from my DH but truth is not only do I know how this condition will process, a great deal of the time he has already either moved on from the conversation or has completely forgotten it

  • Carl46
    Carl46 Member Posts: 1,742
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    It is pretty unsettling to wake in a strange room, and if you don't remember your home your own bedroom is a "strange room." I usually dealt with things like this with reassurance, including as much truth as would serve that purpose.

    "This house belongs to us and we can stay here as long as we want. I'm with you and we are safe and warm." No need to mention that we bought the house in 2009 and have sold the other houses we have owned before, unless she actually is asking about the house we owned from 1974 to 1976.

    I have read that many women have a need to feel physically safe and don't just assume they are safe absent evidence to the contrary like most men do. It seemed to be true of my wife, and reassurance that she was safe seemed to resolve a lot of her questions that weren't directly about safety.

  • Sunny D
    Sunny D Member Posts: 10
    25 Care Reactions First Comment
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    My husband looks out the windows from our bedroom at least once a night and lets me know that the house across the street is where we live and we need to go over there. Been going on for months. I try to bring him back to bed with gentle guidance but often he chooses to go downstairs and sleep on the couch since we don't live here. Makes for very little sleep but the alarms on our doors help me feel better that I know he can't wander over to the neighbhors.

    Best of luck in finding a solution, knowing that this is an extremely challenging disease. Thanks for posting.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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