HD has ALZ & Vascular Dementia & various medical issues

AnneO428 · September 17

My DH besides 2 types of dementia has AFIB, Diabetes with Charcot of the foot which needs diligent care to not get wounds Like making sure always has proper shoes on, using cane, etc. He also has Sleep Apnea which he stops breathing. Medication is a constant monitoring. I become quite overwhelmed with Dr visits, physical & Speech therapy visits and my nursing (I am not a nurse by trade) cooking ( which has become discouraging because he is picky & I do not care for food services). We both go to Memory Care & I am always looking for ways to entertain him. He is a 71 year old car sales & service business owner who is used to being in charge. He is a 6’2” 210 # man. Most of the time a sweetheart. I am a 5’2” 140# housewife who has to get in is face, on a stepstool at times to get him to do what he needs to do because he doesn’t want to listen. Or maybe he doesn’t know how to listen. I can wake up refreshed at 6 AM & feel drained and wiped out by 10 AM. DH does go to Adult Daycare 24 hours a week. Which he 1/2 likes. He calls me at least 2x’s when he is there to see if I will pick him up. Some mornings he wakes up and asks me where Anne is. I am Anne his wife sitting next to him

Lately I feel depressed that I will wind up being forgotten. I at times withdraw into my own shell until my sister calls and drags me out of the shell.
i don’t know what to do anymore. I am running out of steam and strength for the care of the future. Thanks for listening

Anne Ongaro

Maru · September 17

You are overwhelmed. I get that. You are trying to be a good caretaker. If you are dealing with depression, ask your dr. for an antidepressant medication.

As to the litany of things you have to do…Can you cut down on dr. visits. Obviously, the diabetes is a problem but what other doctors is he seeing? How many are strictly necessary? Are the speech and physical therapy really necessary? He is already at a stage where he is forgetting who you are, which means that his brain isn't working very well anymore and it is unlikely that he will remember new information. That is part of dementia.

Sounds like you are trying to be a really good, loving caretaker for your DH, but you need to find a way to take care of yourself.

AnneO428 · September 17

Thanks Maru

I guess he doesn’t need weekly Therapy. I need the therapy.
Anne

SusanB-dil · September 17

I agree with Maru… but also, could you disappear the phone while he is at the daycare center? Or at the least, not answer it? Because, yes, you need and deserve that time for you.

and just a note - if he is calling you, and forgetting you, please make sure he isn't talking to scammers, either. We shut the ringer off the phone (land-line) rather early in this journey, as MIL was starting to speak to the scammers more and more. If it is just cell-phone, maybe time to get one with child-protections on it. My brother had my mom's set to only send and receive from specific phone numbers.

Also a thought - check if you can get some hospice help. Especially with the diabetes, they may be able to give you some much-needed assistance.

HD has ALZ & Vascular Dementia & various medical issues

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