Anyone else have trouble getting sibling memory tested?

I’m very sorry you are experiencing this with your brother. My husband last year had the same procedure. Prior to the surgery, had some short term memory problems but otherwise doing ok. After the surgery, he totally became a personality I’ve never known. Anxiety, increased memory loss and communication/word finding difficulties. After watching this for months but never seeing a return to normal, he agreed something was off and talked to his PCP. One of the things I told him to encourage this conversation was that many of the new medications can help slow down the neurocognitive changes. That spurred him to be proactive.

You said that you have power of attorney, but do you have his medical power of attorney? Assuming that you have his MPOA, your ability to use that (as I understand) depends on his being diagnosed with dementia or some other disabling disease. Your hands may be tied here…(I am not an attorney). Regardless of that, you can contact his doctor to inform him of specific things that lead you to believe that he has dementia…like sleeping in an abandoned house instead of his new place. Basically, without an outright dementia diagnosis, he is an adult legally capable of making his own medical decisions.

In response to his having surgery…yes, anesthesia can cause mental issues that may or may fade with time.

I appreciate your concern about your brother. My elderly bachelor brother dealt with stage 4 lung cancer while I worried about him from 500 miles away. It's a heartbreaker. I understand how helpless you feel right now. Keeping you in my prayers this morning.

Welcome. Many with dementia suffer from anosognosia. This is the inability to recognize symptoms or limitations. My mom is so oblivious to her symptoms she often talk with such confidence and conviction about her plans to do things that if you didn’t know the situation you would believe she is capable of doing these things. Trying to convince a person with dementia they have symptoms or need help is usually unproductive and often ends with everyone upset. It’s often best to find workarounds. Tell his doctor what is happening. I found a patient portal worked well or send an email. No need to tell him about this. It’s ok to fib. I know it seems wrong, but safety comes first. Have you contacted adult protective services? He needs care! I would start thinking about what you think that will look like. Unless you’re up for 24/7 care in your home I would recommend you start looking at care facilities near you. There can be a waiting list to get into many, it might be worth getting him on a list so there is a place ready for him when you can act. Getting him to understand his need for care will probably not go well. You will probably need to fib, blame the doctors or just accept he his going to be angry when the time comes. I will attach a few resources that may be helpful. I hope you can figure something out.

https://iona.org/therapeutic-fibs-ok/

https://www.helpinghandshomecare.co.uk/care-advice/what-is-show-timing-in-dementia-patients/

Ty, sadly my brother has passed, but prayer is never wasted.