Finances and Scams

RRichards · September 18

My father is extremely susceptible to scams. I frequently make adjustments to his phone to help reduce the scammer's access to him. When they get their hooks in him, he is very suspicious of everyone BUT the scammer. He gets mad that his finances are restricted, but he is unable to conceptualize numbers due to his Alzheimer's. How do you keep from getting sucked into a fight or how do you protect yourselves from feeling so overwhelmed and defeated in this process?

SusanB-dil · September 18

Hi RRichards - Welcome.

If you can't disappear the phone, maybe time to get one that you can program only certain numbers that he can use and also be received. Best would be to remove the phone or disable it. "oh, sorry, it isn't working, we will see what we can do about that". Repeat as necessary.

Rule #1: Never argue with a PWD. Rule #1: must take care of the caregiver. Rule #2: See rule #1, both of them.

caregiving daughter · September 18

I would like to highlight the previous comment of, "disappear the phone". Aside from minimizing the trigger, try to put yourself in the professional caregiver role, i.e., the more angry your dad gets, the nicer and more kind you become. Do not argue. If dad says he wants to make an investment in x, say, "I would like to hear more" and then "I have a doctor appointment this morning, but first thing tomorrow would be a great time". Good chance he'll forget by tomorrow. If he's insistent on seeing his bank records, remove the account and phone numbers and then give him a few. Good chance he'll pick them up and then put them right down. Please try to remember you are the responsible adult now. You have listened and respected your dad your whole life—the shift is very difficult but very necessary.

H1235 · September 18

Welcome. Finances have always been a hot topic for mom. She said she didn’t dare get her hair done at the facility because no one tells her anything about her money and she has no idea if she has enough. I’ve tried to reassure her she can get her hair done without worrying about money, but that doesn’t always stick. Earlier on she would demand to see bank statements. She was very angry that assisted living was so expensive and she didn’t even need it. I don’t think she even knew how much I was paying. I changed the subject as much as I could. I never mentioned having to go to the office to pay a bill and tried to avoid any talk of money at all. Medication helped some. I have also just accepted that this is something she is going to be mad at me about. It’s so unfair, since I spend so much of my time and energy dealing with the money. Having to account for every penny with a receipt that is filed in the right place is exhausting.

RMremdler · September 18

I have removed all financial apps from my husband’s phone. I review his texts, emails and calls daily. I feel bad doing this but I need to protect us and he can’t recognize a scammer.

Finances and Scams

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