Just letting off some steam

Andi C · September 19

Hubby was doing fine today, then suddenly he got irritated with me. He's shouting at me that he's taking my name off his accounts, he can drive anywhere he wants and quit telling him what he should do.

Of course I walked away, took deep breaths and seperated myself from him for a bit. Not much later, he comes back into the living room, starts watching tv with me and seems perfectly fine. These are the kind of things that I struggle with. I KNOW it's the disease, it's not him, but regardless, the words still hurt the same and my heart breaks a little more and I shed a few more tears.

Thanks for letting me vent, shed those tears and then move on to the next surprise he presents me with.

lizfourgod · September 19

support from friends, here, girlfriends hangouts- coping is hard the only relief I get is sharing too

Jim9191 · September 20

Wow that story is so familiar, I’ve face that situation so many times in the past. I understand it not my wife it the disease, but the words still hurt deeply. I feel your pain.

wose · September 20

Me too…almost everyday now even with medication. It’s very distressing cause you never know when it’s coming at you. Kinda normal to not normal in a half second. His Geri psych lady said medication adjustments are probably needed. He went from chasing me around the dining room table (again) to asking me what’s for dinner tonight in about 15 minutes. We hear you, are here and send hugs💕💙

laurieannam · September 20

Hope you’re feeling better now. My steam went off on my husband last night and that’s why I’m here now.

Same old story, after a long day of housework and caring for him and our pets he again starts up with the accusations of my infidelity with the neighbors. This was at supper time. Things escalated quickly and I completely lost it, throwing out our dinner.

Wish I could manage better. After years of this behavior I blew a fuse. Thanks for your post of strength.

Andi C · September 20

Thank you all for the understanding. That's why I come here….you guys GET IT, people who don't experience it can't understand.

And so here we go with a new day and let's see what our challenges are today.

annie51 · September 20

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/77148/just-letting-off-some-steam

You handled it beautifully. Take the win. We all experience the “end of the rope” blowup sometimes, even though we know it’s not the right reaction. We’re human and not perfect. So give yourself kudos for getting through another day!

DebrahS1 · September 20

Hi Andi, I hear you. It is not easy to spend what seems like all your waking moments working to love and care for him only to have him become paranoid, accusational and angry. I have been there too and I understand how hard it is to "know" it is only the disease talking, but to "feel" so upset and betrayed in trust. And then, in the space of an hour or less, for it to be like it never happened (from his point of view) at all. You took a deep breath and walked away, which is the very best that you can do for both of you. Take another deep breath and know that you did great. We are here for you.

SDianeL · September 20

yes it hurts. I hate this disease!! The disease is what's surprising you, not him. What helped me was that I stopped thinking of my DH as my husband and partner and started thinking of him as my patient and me his nurse. For me it took some of the emotion out of it. I became more patient with him. Since we're not perfect, it didn't work all the time but it did help me. Your DH is luck to have you. Give yourself grace. You're doing a great job. Hugs.

SDianeL · September 20

PS: The book "The 36 Hour Day" was a big help to me. Also search online for dementia caregiving videos by Teepa Snow or Tam Cummings. They are also helpful. Tips on how to care for him. 💜

Andi C · September 20

Thank you all, you've given me just what I need, reassurance. That's what is so wonderful about this message board. We all need that reminder from time to time that you're doing the best you can, nobody is perfect, and starting each day with a loving, caring heart is a good way to begin the day. It might not last all day, but I'll work on keeping it as long as I can. Thank you again!

Andi C · September 20

Yes, I've almost finished "The 36 Hour Day". I picked up the book "Creating Moments of Joy" which was recommended by a support group leader, so that is the next one on my list with suggestions of how to deal with negative thoughts, ideas of things to do with your LO, answers to basic question care givers may have of interacting with our LO. She was saying it didn't have to be read in order, that browsing the chapters can give you suggestions for different behaviors you may encounter. I'm hoping I'll gain some tips to help me.

lzerbe · September 20

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/77148/just-letting-off-some-steam

Seems we walk on eggshells all the time. It's so stressful, makes us tired. Everything can seem to be okay and then, who knows where it comes from but our world is turned upside down. So, I can totally relate to what you are saying, and it sure is tough to remain upbeat and not get frustrated. My LO sure notices if I'm not upbeat and then I can really get into trouble trying to explain why I'm not.

My LO is a smoker. She has a great setup in the garage, a comfortable space, has AC and heat, with a desk, pictures, photos and her computer. Yesterday she came into the house and started asking "why do I (me)always have the best room". She wanted my office in the front of the house as her smoking room. She said, "I'll just close the door and open the window, perfect for smoking."

And, I'm thinking to myself if that really happens what am I going to do???

Fortunately, nothing has been mentioned about that today.

But, I am quite sure it will rear its ugly head again.

And, if she insists what do I do???

Snipe · September 20

We have all been there, at least once or twice a week anyway. I usually go and sit in another room after loosing my patience and feel bad for letting myself try to reason with my DW. The good thing, if there is one, is after 15-30 minutes my wife is oblivious to what happened and why. We all try the best we can but we are human. It’s a terrible disease that we have to deal with. Hang in there.

Andi C · September 20

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/282714#Comment_282714

Wow, that's a tough one. Deflecting only works so much. My husband is also a smoker, I've always insisted it must be outside. He hasn't tested me on that yet, but who knows, could happen any time!

lzerbe · September 21

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/282724#Comment_282724

Agreed, deflecting and agreeing only work so much. So far the idea has not come up again. Fingers crossed.

Dio · September 23

I called it the Jekyll & Hyde syndrome. The switch came on so fast that my head was spinning. I don't have words of wisdom or comfort. In my case, the violence was the worst, when I had to call 911 and police took him away in handcuffs. Sometimes I feel I had the worst, then I read other posts and feel others have it worse. We're all in a rotten lot. It was finding the right meds that helped us. Even so, there's no cookie cutter since everyone is so different. Wishing everyone a smoother road ahead.

Just letting off some steam

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