Remembering to Forget

As you get deeper into the Alzheimer’s journey there is a conundrum you face when dealing with the agitation or anger from your loved one. You have to remember to forget who they were prior to Alzheimer’s, and lose the expectations you once had of how they would handle fights with you. Maybe in the past you both would retreat to your neutral corners for an hour or so, only to return to each other and work through it. Or maybe you fought it out immediately in shouts and wild hand gestures. 

Those days are gone. You have to remember that you can’t hold your loved one to those unwritten rules of engagement any longer. For them the agitation rises and they are no longer able to think quickly about how to process it. They retreat to their safe space, maybe a home office or a walk outdoors, and may take hours before that feeling of distress subsides. Sometimes they forget what they were originally angry about and come back to you wondering what upset you. YOU! I’m upset with you!  Because you’re not you anymore, and I want the you from years ago back. 

You grieve for what once was, try to push it aside to focus on what is possible now, and then lay awake at night in fear you’re losing the memories of how your loved one was before Alzheimer’s took hold.