Placing my DW into MC on Monday 10/5

Hi Jeff, the facility suggested that I stay away for a week but said it was up to me. I did let the staff take my DW into the locked portion and I just left. It was hard to do and I cried all the way home but it was a good idea to let her get accustomed to her new home. I’ll be thinking of you on Monday.

Jeff, enjoy this last weekend and Monday will be here soon enough. You will use the same care, patience, love, and respect you have always shown for your DW. I hope you have some things planned to fill those first few hours after the drop off.

Hi Jeff, I’ll be joining you on this journey as I will be taking my DW to mc as well in 3 weeks. I have discussed “how to leave her” with many people, drs, social workers, therapist, etc who have experience with this. What I’ve learned from all these folks is that No One knows exactly the “right way” because everyone and every relationship is different, and you have to follow your heart, your gut, and what you know about your LO and yourself. Some say it’s cruel to just walk away, some say it’s kinder. Caregivers have told me it helps them to help your loved one if there is an “official” story they can tell to help calm them down. My working plan is to arrive at the community where I’ve prearranged to meet a staff member I’ve gotten to know and who has met DW before, and also another caregiver who I’ve arranged to stay with DW initially while she gets oriented to her new surroundings and routines (longer story as to those details). I feel that I need to tell her something so that she doesn’t feel immediately abandoned by me. I don’t know for sure yet, but am thinking I will tell her I’ve found this nice place for her to stay while I undergo some medical treatments for my health. I will tell her I don’t want her to be alone while I’m gone, and that this place is great. At that point the people we have met will distract her towards the memory care entrance, I’ll stop at the bathroom, and she’ll keep going with her new friends. What could go wrong:) I am not undergoing treatments but my health has suffered and declined significantly in the last couple of years- so truth there. The truth part’s for me. I wish you courage, strength, and grace. My heart goes out to you, I know how hard this part is!
Karen 💜

I suggest coordinating with the MC director. I brought my husband to the facility at lunchtime. We went to the hallway near the dining room where we were met by staff. They told DH they had some people they wanted him to meet, took him to a lunch table and I left. Things went well and I eventually visited in 5 days.

Good luck on Monday! ,

I placed my wife three years ago today. I dropped her off just before lunch and left. I was told that the only problem she had was accepting which room was hers to sleep in.

I worked it out with the staff beforehand and told DH that we were invited by friends for lunch at a new place. When we got to the lobby area the director and the nursing director were there, gave him a big hug, said how nice it was to see him and led him inside, while I turned around and left and cried for a long time. It’s very painful, but it gets better. I stayed away for a few days but they gave me updates whenever I asked. The staff is so experienced with this and they managed it well and he adjusted fine with a little help from some meds.

Good advice from @harshedbuzz about having someone to be with after. My friend invited me to her house and I spent some time there. Still had to go home to the empty house after but it was nice to be able to talk freely about it for a while.

We’ll be thinking of you on Monday! Keep us posted.

Hello Jeff

Just thinking about you, your DD and DW. You’re in my prayers tonight and tomorrow for strength, guidance and comfort. You’ve got this… you’ve already been such an amazing husband and caregiver… now you can be an amazing advocate but take some time to rest💕💙

Fingers crossed for you and DW, @Jeff H

You’ve got this!

So happy to hear it went well! It will take time to adjust to your new normal, but now you can just be her loving husband.

Jeff, I'm glad things are going smoothly for you and Sherry. I appreciate you posting about your experience. I'm struggling with the decision of when, or if, to use a MC facility and real life experiences of others are very helpful. This process is so difficult.

Thank you for all the updates Jeff. I’m relieved for you she sounds like she’s accepting it well. At least that’s one worry off your plate. The adjusting for you being in your house without her I imagine is huge! Sending you a hug!!!