Life??

pmiles1124 · October 6

I am 12 years younger than my DH who has Alzheimers for the past 6 years(or even more??). My DH is in stage 5 they say. He would rather eat, sleep, watch TV. I have tried many resources for socializing for him, even to take him to visit his sister. He'd rather stay home. Seems selfish to say, what about me? I'm 62 and still vibrant. Should I consider a facility for socialism and a more better life for him and me at this point.

Sorry to feel this way. Yes, I love this website its great to vent!

iowagirl1961 · October 7

I am 10 years younger than my husband- I am 65 he is 75. I have been caring for him for 7 years now. He is Stage 6 cognitively but still physically healthy. I ask the same question you ask about life. His need to leave to “go home”, call his mother, etc. is incessant if he is not busy. He’s not quiet or easy, too restless for tv. Because of his good physical health, I could be doing this for many more years and will miss out on our grandchildren growing up. My dh would hate this if he understood. (He rarely knows who I am and that we have kids and grandkids.). Our kids are in favor of placing him within a year- they are starting to worry about my health. I know how you feel about this life.

BPS · October 7

I am 69 and my wife is 3 years older then me. She was diagnosed over 10 years ago and has been in MC for over 2 years. Only you can decide when is the right time for placement but it has taken me until recently to start to have a life again. Our marriage was not great and I was close to separating before she was diagnosed. I stayed out of belief I was doing the right thing. Now I don't know. I did save our kids from knowing what was going on in our lives and having to deal with all the dementia issues but I don't feel like I will ever be happy again. It is easy to sink too deep into the pit of caregiving and lose yourself. I think it would be different for me if she had not done some of the things she did, but that is in the past even though it was never really dealt with. If he don't know who you are most of the time and you can comfortably afford the MC and you have family support then maybe it is time. If you do decide to place him you will probably feel some guilt, but you shouldn't. I shouldn't have ,but I did and it held me back from doing more after placement.

brupt30 · October 7

I know exactly how you feel. My DH was diagnosed earlier this year although it's clear that his cognitive decline took place over many years. He is stage 4/early stage 5 and is highly functioning, so it could be a very long journey for us. He is very apathetic and really has no interest in leaving the house or doing anything at all. Recently he has been just sitting and staring into space, sometimes for hours. I feel very guilty that I'm not able to keep him entertained but he seems to need to take a lot of time to just "cogitate" (as he puts it). Even a trip to the bathroom can take 30-60 minutes, since he ends up just sitting there in almost a meditative state. Fortunately, I can still leave him alone for a few hours at a time, so I've started going to a local community center for occasional exercise and meditation classes, which really helps me. Are you able to leave to do some activities on your own? I found that just walking the neighborhood and breathing deep seems to help. I've also tried to reconnect with some old friends to help build a support base for myself.

MsLadybug · October 7

My DH is in stage 5, and also mainly just sleeps in front of the TV. Makes it easy for me to get things done around the house. I get him out to the gym 2X a week, he has a lovely personal trainer who gets his dementia and works with him at his level. I am growing weary of the day to day, and feel like my life is in some ways on hold since his decline started almost 10 years ago. I'm almost 70, but I am still fully healthy and competent, and would like to have more of my own life. I don't feel it is selfish to want my own life, I feel it is self-affirming. If he were fully competent now, I know he would want me to do whatever fulfills me. He never held me back from doing my own thing when we were younger. I am trying to make it another year with him at home, mostly for financial reasons. He still can (barely) do his own ADLs, so I don't feel it's quite time yet. For me, the time to place him will be when the caregiving difficulty becomes too much for me - we aren't there yet, but I think it will happen soon. When the time comes, I know it will be both sad and a huge relief to drop the load off my shoulders and re-engage with more life activities.

Rellie76 · October 7

I am 59 and DH is 67. I feel exactly as you do. I was able to retire early because we saved and lived within means. We were going to motorhome all over the country. Then came the diagnosis a year ago. Then the stroke. All plans gone. I find I miss our conversations, inside jokes, just any little tidbit of conversation. He's stage 4/5. He can be left alone. So I try to meet up w/ friends occasionally. Taking advantage of this states as much as I can. All I can think about is how much worse it will get. When/if he needs MC, how much of our money will go to that? Will I have enough for myself or will I be going back to work in my 60's? This disease sucks.

Carl46 · October 7

I wouldn't blame you. I was 72 when I retired to care for my wife, but if I had been 62 I might have considered it.

CindyBum · 2:18PM

My simple answer is, "Yes. Do consider it."

Life??

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