family visit
DW may be in late stage 5, which progressed rapidly over the last 6 months or so. Especially after several falls causing a brain bleed and a month in the hospital. - july /aug. Most days sun-downing is very difficult with her wanting to go out to the home she grew up in (not a possibility), and causing much anxiety on both of us.
Son lives 4 hours away. Calls every day. Visited while she was in the hospital. Helpful.
He and his family were last here in the spring when communication skills were better and delusions not so strong. He is aware that her condition is worsened. Yet, I am worried about the visit. I have read some of the old postings about family visits. I believe that she will be so happy to see them, especially our grandson, that maybe there won't be those wanting to wander problems. Yet, who knows with this disease.
I plan to call him tomorrow, don't know what to say without sounding reluctant for the visit. I'm not…I really want to see them all. But scared that it could be more than we can deal with. I am open to any ideas any of you might have in navigating the visit without scaring our preschool grandson, or DIL. Son may be surprised at her present condition also.
Comments
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Dear @stananon
Good for you to have your DS want to visit. It sounds like your wife will enjoy their company, albeit short visits with limited number of people. I remember some of the old posts where others suggested that family find a nice motel with a pool or other types of activities for children to enjoy while the son or daughter visited with the parent. Bring the kids for a short visit with their grandma, and then let them go do ‘kid stuff’.
Be honest with your son and work out some options together so everyone is okay with the arrangements.
Best wishes. Hugs for you and your entire family.
6 -
This happened a few weeks ago when our daughter who we had not seen for 3 years came to visit for 4 days. My husband did better than I expected, but it was very disorienting for him, Any change in routine completely throws him off. He enjoyed visiting with her the first evening. After that he wanted her to leave. I was incapable of fully enjoying the visit because I was a ball of stress.
5 -
@JGreen gave a really good suggestion…house them in a nearby hotel and have short visits at the house. Your son needs to see his mother, to spend time with her even if it is just sitting with her for a while. We will be having visit in the spring and that is the formula that we will use. Even though DH is only stage 4 or so, he functions much better if he sticks to his routine.
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I had a gathering with DH kids grandkids and great grand kids, he did OK but I forwarn the boys and had a extra nurse with me to help. The room was large so he didn't feel overwhelmed. It only lasted about 3 hrs but took him 2 days to recuperate. I think having your son stay at a hotel might be best.
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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