Dirty clothes

JulietteBee · October 12

There is now a nearly daily battle between my mom & me in regards to her dirty clothes. She changes her clothes and puts them in her dirty clothes basket at the end of the day.

Invariably, in the morning, after she has had an unknown length of time, while I slept, to free roam and rummage through her clothes, her dirty clothes basket is EMPTY. She has now consistently been hanging up her dirty clothes and putting the dirty undies back in the drawer.

I know I can not reason with her, but I do try to remind her that what goes in, stays in, until her HHA does her laundry on Thursdays.

Help!!! What can I do to have her not do that?

H1235 · October 12

Could you take the clothes out of the laundry basket shortly after she puts the clothes in (in the evening). Maybe find a spot for them in a spare room or laundry room until they are ready to be washed. I would not tell her where the clothes are and I think I would leave the hamper in her room so her routine stays the same in the evening. I don’t see any way to solve this other than getting the dirty clothes out of her room as soon as possible. You may end up having to reassure her about her lost clothes. Hopefully that doesn’t cause too much of a problem. I hope you can figure something out.

caregiving daughter · October 12

I would not try to reason. Can you limit her undies to three or four pair? In the afternoon, you could then grab all from the drawer, and swap in clean. Yes, you would be washing some clean but super limited.

notequipped · October 12

My Mom was doing that when she was here and is continuing to do that in AL. She puts her dirty socks in her shoes overnight and places her worn clothes at the end of the bed. Everything goes right back on in the morning. She wears a light weight zip up jacket daily that hasn’t been washed in weeks. Her closet is full of clothes that she doesn’t wear. She showers daily (hair washing is another story) but doesn’t always smell fresh because she’s wearing dirty clothes. I keep thinking that I should get my Mom a weekly hanging clothes organizer and pre-load it with clothes for her to wear for the week. I’m not sure that it would help though.

Would child proof latches to keep her from putting them away be an option?

Emily 123 · October 13

I would go by my mom's room with the laundry basket saying I had some laundry to do and ask her to let me throw in her clothes with mine so I had a bigger load. She liked to be helpful, so usually she'd let me take things. I just threw some sheets in the laundry basket in between loads and toted it back and forth each day, lol. Some nights I was completely over it so I'd skip the kabuki theater and go to bed, and try to sneak them out of the hamper in the AM—she would stay in her robe until after breakfast, so that was a blessing.

FrancieNolan · October 13

Kind of funny how so many of them do the same things. My dad (Vascular Dementia) is in an AL facility and would not change his clothes for days. Pants covered in crumbs, shirts with spilled coffee. He would put the dirty clothes on a chair at night and put them back on, or even pull them out of the hamper if the staff made him put them there. Since he wakes so early what finally worked is the night helpers laying out clean clothes for the next day the night before so he could just put them on. He has a closet with plenty of clothes but I think it is an executive functioning thing- figuring out what pants and shirt to wear was just too much for him. Having it right there picked out made it easy and he stopped putting the dirty clothes back on.

highdeserthopeful · October 13

Its so hard because you cant reason with them, but try reducing the amount of clothes in their and hide the rest. Every time my mom ges to hospital I review her mail for important tasks, throw out excess medical supplies, and re-organize. She knows, but cant wrap her mind on what all Ive changed. Bit by bit!

notequipped · October 13

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/284162#Comment_284162

You know, that never occurred to me in this context. I realized when she was living here that I couldn’t ask her what she wanted for lunch - I would just give her 2 things to choose from. I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me that it’s probably the same thing but with clothes. I’m going to try the day of the week clothing organizer to see if it helps.

fesk · October 13

Simply take the clothes out of the basket each night and put them in the laundry room for the aide to handle.

JulietteBee · October 16

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/284174#Comment_284174

Thank you for your input. Trust me, that would be the least stressful option. The only thing is, the aide does mom's laundry once per week, on Thursdays. The rest of us, 3 more adults, do laundry at least 3 separate times per week. We would each have to play musical chairs with mom's dirty clothes each time we needed to use the washer.😢

JulietteBee · October 16

@FrancieNolan, it appears mom was a closeted socialite. She absolutely loves to get dressed for the day. She is always color coordinated and by evening, she has changed from the outfit she had on in the morning. She is not wearing visibly dirty or stained clothing.

My primary issue is her dirty undies. They have been worn. They made it to the basket. The next morning, the basket has been emptied. Dirty undies are back in the drawer. Without doing a sniff test, I do not know which ones were the dirty ones. I can recognize the clothes she had in the hamper and put them back. I do not take note of the dirty undies so I end up having them all washed, clean and dirty alike.

JulietteBee · October 16

@H1235, yes, I see I will have to retrieve her dirty clothes nightly. I will have to find where to store them until Thursdays when aide does her laundry. Thank you for your input. It was very helpful.

fesk · October 16

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/284273#Comment_284273

You have come to the conclusion I recommended. While this is frustrating, many more challenges like this will occur. I think it's helpful to remember, that the caregiver needs to change their approach. You cannot expect the person with Alzheimer's to do this. It will lead to frustration every time. They do not mean it and they cannot help it. By simply taking the clothes out every night and leaving for the aide, you have solved the problem. Once you truly are able to change your approach and expectations to situations, you will see how easily the solutions come and how less frustrating it is for everyone.

I want to add that I am not trying to sound harsh but many solutions are really that easy. I have been at this for over a decade and am speaking from experience. You will save yourself so much frustration if you can shift your thinking.

Norma Elisa · October 16

I wish I could do any of that. The day I took some of the clothes to wash it, she started arguing and then crying because I was insulting her and by taking the clothes to wash it I was saying she was a 'pig'.

fesk · October 16

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/284311#Comment_284311

Sometimes it takes a few tries to figure out what will work in each situation. If she thought you were insulting her, maybe tell her you're washing your clothes and would like to do some of hers too. If it upsets her all the time, you may need to get them done while she's asleep or not present to see what you're doing.

I think it is always about finding out what causes the least amount of stress for the person with dementia and the caregiver. It's a bit of trial and error.

JulietteBee · October 17

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/284290#Comment_284290

Perfectly said, sage advice. Thank you!💯

Dirty clothes

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