Sibling Resentment

Hi MarshalL - welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason.

There are others on here who definitely deal with the same. Regardless, you are not alone.

Have you looked into adult daycare a few days or more a week? Also, check out some memory care centers that offer a week or two respite service.

Have you checked with a CLEC (elder care lawyer). Because you should not have to use your own funds to pay for her care.

Also - do you have DPOA and HIPAA accesses? Important.

Way, way too often, siblings, other family, and even well-meaning friends have no clue of the burden the caregiver has! A lot have no desire to learn, either. I'm sorry you are dealing with it.

Previous poster is wise. I similarly went through the no help and eventual working against.

It is important the legal poa be in place. If you are providing the care, I would think it would be you but it's uncertain from your post.

Family is critical in a situation like yours. What you'll find though is that family may not end up being your biological siblings. Family may end up being your best friend from high school, the neighbor across the street, the council on aging respite care worker who comes to your home free of charge, and/or the facilitator of your local dementia support group.

You absolutely need to ask for help from your sisters. Provide options as direct care or grocery shopping may not be a fit for everyone. Assuming you have asked and there is no response or a hurtful one, move on. My mom has passed and after about ten years, I have forgiven my siblings but do not have a relationship with them as I won't open myself to being hurt yet again.

A support group will help a lot! I went in person when my mom was diagnosed and I had to move her closet to me.

Re: siblings - she lived out of state near family who my parents had lived close to for exactly this reason. They just couldn’t deal. I was furious, but also able to step up. None of family are close to each other at this point. We get by.

I will say this: when I agreed to be primary caretaker of my mom I knew I had to do it willingly. My mom IS in a MC facility and it’s still a huge amount of work for me since I visit often. But it is my choice. I try to remember this, and that it is my other family’s choice not to be involved in her care. It helps me not feel so angry.

I’m glad you have POA and glad you get help a few hours a day. Take as much help as you can get! And another quick note: even though family hasn’t been involved my friends have shown up in ways I never dreamed. Make sure you ask for help when you need it: it’s a marathon not a sprint.

glad you found this site - I’m five years in and it’s been a lifesaver.

Hello, I am brand new here as well. I had this same experience with my sister in July. I text her desperate for an hour or two break. My dad had me in tears it was a very rough day! She called me told me she was too busy shopping with her husband and daughter. I asked if maybe they could stop on their way home since they
have to pass right by my dad's house to get home or if maybe she could come the next day. She got mad, started yelling at me about the last time she watched dad. Because she says I didn't do what I said I was going to do which was drive my son to the orthopedic Dr for a cast. When I asked her a week prior I didn't think my son would be able to drive himself so I thought he would need me to take him. But he is an 18 year old boy who doesn't want his mom driving him so we drove separate to the appointment. Anyway, she hung up on me and my dad and I haven't heard from her since. I have a really hard time with this. My dad is in the moderately severe stage of Alzheimer's and is on hospice. I provide 24/7 care for him by myself. On top of that we lost our mom in January which is why I had to become his caregiver. I had to give up my home, quit my job and move in with him immediately. I haven't even had a minute to myself to grieve. I'm very angry with her and I struggle with it quite a bit. You are definitely not alone!