question

A lot of people with dementia do develop routines that makes them feel better.

Welcome. A lack of interest or motivation to do things is common. She may also be finding that some activities are more difficult for her. This might not be noticeable to you. She might be having trouble following conversations with several people in a group, a menu at a restaurant can be overwhelming, books might be too hard to follow and she could be struggling just a bit with previous hobbies. Even in the early stages she might have just enough of an issue to discourage her from these activities. She may feel embarrassed or afraid she will mess up in front of others. It’s hard to really know. If she is home alone, it might be time to consider additional care options.

I would speak to her neurologist about medication. A geriatric psychiatrist would be your best option to diagnose the problem and prescribe medication. It sounds like depression which is not uncommon with this disease.

My MIL will not do anything at all, all day long. She eats, is given her meds, sits on the couch wrapped up in multiple blankets like it's an Ice Age when it'll be 95 degrees outside, naps, and goes to bed once it's dark. She leaves the house with us to get her hair done every other week, to go to medical/dental appointments, and to eat out for breakfast on Saturday mornings.

She won't watch TV, sit on our porch in nice weather, flip through a magazine, listen to music, look at pictures in an album or read her Bible. Minor chores to "help" (i.e. busywork to keep her occupied) are right out; she's retired, you know. We both still work so we work in separate rooms and she is bored to tears and complains endlessly about being lonely. I get that she literally can't read any more or keep track of a story but I can't fix that for her. She hates the pets and kicks out at them and shoos them away. Guess that unconditional love is annoying to her.

Every two hours she wants a meal. I'm pretty sure it's her way of telling time. Every suggestion to help her boredom is refused. When we do sit with her after work, she has nothing much to say.

It sounds awful, but we mostly don't try hard to change her mood any longer. We can barely get her cooperation to handle her physical needs. Giving her what she thinks will make her happy would make us miserable, broke 'cause we wouldn't be working, and would kill her quickly because people in kidney failure can't survive on Chick-Fil-A milkshakes and Milk of Magnesia.

I'm hoping that when the day comes when she has to move to a facility, she'll actually end up liking it. It will remove the crutch of "my people take care of me" that isn't working for any of us.