Total incontinence would be a blessing

2 Young

DH still uses the toilet, usually with my guidance but occasionally he will try to do it on his own when I’m not watching. I have caught him going in places he shouldn’t, including a wicker trash can (wicker doesn’t hold liquid) and the corner of the bedroom. He will pull it out and start peeing even while walking to the toilet and of course it goes everywhere. Depends won’t help in this situation because as I stated he doesn’t keep it in his pants. I recently ordered a couple of urinal bottles to keep handy and try to catch it the next time it occurs. Any suggestions are welcome.

French

I am really sorry for you. I hope I will never have to deal with this. I can’t imagine any solution, sorry

Beachfan

Hi 2 Young,

My DH is stage 6, can do practically nothing by himself, or for himself.  For the past several years, I have had to monitor him 24/7/365 to avoid just the type of accidents you describe.  He knows, for now, that he has to “go”,  just not where to go, or what to do once there.  I take him to the toilet (not really on a timed schedule, I can kind of tell he has to go), and totally, physically assist him through the entire process.  He sits to use the toilet, and only has to go 3-4 times in a 24 hour period, which is incredibly helpful. He typically sleeps all night without the need to go, another blessing, but I hear him if he gets up and I can intervene.  The constant vigilance and total assistance is tiring and annoying, but it beats the alternative.  He is definitely not ready for Depends; they wouldn’t serve a purpose.  I hope you can arrive at a solution.   Mine is a 24 hour eagle eye watch; it won’t work for everyone,  but for me, for now, it’s fine.  Good luck.  

2 Young

Thank you, French. I hope you never have to deal with it either. Truly.

2 Young

Hello, Beachfan. I do take him to the toilet unsolicited but with poor results. He usually refuses to go, only to go on his own ten minutes later. I am grateful that he is not belligerent about the refusal though. Also grateful that he as well only goes about three times in a 24 hour period. Can’t imagine having to do this for several more years.

A. Marie

2 Young, you're at the same point I am with my DH re: continence. He's whizzed enough times in enough inappropriate places that I feel I'm on constant alert--and, as you say, Depends would not be a real help in this situation. No useful suggestions, just solidarity.

anneleigh

2 young, sorry that you are going through this stage. My DH is in stage 6 and has difficulty as well, even with wearing depends all the time.  DH does not know how to judge getting to the bathroom, turning himself to sit down, pulling the pants down and aiming for the toilet before it dribbles.  I did buy the urinals and sometimes it does help to have them around, but it is sometimes a nasty chore to empty them.  And of course making sure he does not put it in a place that I was not aware of.  Yes, this will go on for awhile and Patience is the key.

Ed1937

My wife does not always know where to go. Sometimes it's on a dining room chair (so far I've been able to catch her in time), other times it's in the kitchen or living room (again, I've been lucky. I understand where you are coming from, and I can only offer my sympathy.

2 Young

Solidarity is good. Thank you A Marie.

2 Young

Patience and endurance. Thank you for sharing your experience, anneleigh.

2 Young

Thank you, Ed. My sympathy to you as well.

Jo C.

This is really a vexing and frustrating problem and I am so sorry. One of the options, if it would work for your DH, is that of the clothing options carried by Buck and Buck, a wonderful adaptive clothing catalog.

In this catalog, there are many choices for adaptive clothing for both men and women and they are attractive.

One option provides clothing that appears to be regular wear, BUT there is a difference:  Though looking like regular clothing, the garments actually close down the back.  This keeps the person from being able to get hands inside clothing, etc.  This back closing clothing comes with the regular shirt and slacks look, there are also sweatshirt/sweatpants, as well as nightwear that closes down the back.  You may want to give Buck and Buck a look.

https://www.buckandbuck.com/

I have used them and they have great customer service.

J.

2 Young

That’s a great idea. Thank you so much for the link, Jo C!

JJAz

Totally agree that this stage is worse than complete incontinence.  We also used Silvert's for anti-strip clothing

https://www.silverts.com

DTSbuddy

My DH urinated into the heat vent today. On previous days and nights he has gone in the washing machine, the dryer, off the porches, into front yard bushes, in garbage bins, and in corners of a carpeted room. I feel like I monitor him every second, but still it happens. Now he has started arguing with me (with word salad and facial expressions) about using the toilet, even when he has just indicated he needs to use it and we are standing right in front of it, he will not use it. I follow him around until he grabs his crotch again, and I point him to the bathroom. Tonight, midnight, he got up to go. Then he sat in my bedroom fiddling with some laundry, asking me who I am, and refusing to go back to his bed. Finally I took the laundry and tossed it onto his bed. He followed me but took a couple swings at me, stopping just short of hitting me with his fist. He's never done that before. I told him I love him. Then he went back to bed and fell aleep. Now, an hour later, I can't sleep. He just got up again to urinate again, and went right back to bed, smiling at me on the way. Maybe I have dementia and not him. Maybe my real husband has a doppleganger who is testing my sense of humor. Maybe sleep is an unnecessary luxury.

frankay

Why is he going so often? Maybe a UTI?

Belle

Gosh my turn to join this club. I was just talking to DH and asking him why there were multiple red solo cups in the basement bathroom. Turns out that instead of coming upstairs to use the toilet he is peeing in solo cups and pouring the urine down the sink. We need to get a plumber in to fix two toilets, he is arguing with me and saying he will fix them (he can't) but I've let the repairs slide as we have multiple bathrooms that still function just fine and he follows around contractors that come into the house so everything takes longer and costs more. And, yes, he is peeing in cups in the other bathroom too.

jeannemarie8

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/226656#Comment_226656

I am there with you. Thankfully, I have had pets all my life and am used to cleaning up in strange places. My DH will also refuse to go when I guide him there. He cannot find the bathroom no matter what, even tho I leave the light on all night in hopes he will make it if I fall asleep. I am returning to the sleep schedule I had with kids — always on watch with 2 or 3 hours at a time. The pullups help the deluge of pee, and thankfully he does not realize he wears them. Thank goodness for lysol and swifters. Hang in there!