FIL with dementia gradually moving into his bedroom

KawKaw

We chose a large house when we moved up to this area to care for my FIL with dementia.

He has only wanted to sleep on the futon in the main family area.

This is less than convenient for me for many reasons.

We furnished a room with an attached bathroom for him, and he was not interested in sleeping there.

Four months later, after regularly showering in the attached bathroom and many personal items installed, he MIGHT be almost perhaps maybe hopefully willing to sleep in there.

It would be helpful to me so that I can function in the kitchen attached to the family room and the family room while he sleeps.

I very much need to vacuum in there.  He spends day and night in there at this time.

I would say things are going very well overall, though.

He will be vaccinated this coming Thursday, finally.  It has been a very long wait for vaccines in our rural area.

ladyzetta

Hello All,

I hope you all have had a good day and are having a restful evening. We have had a lot of wind today one of my chairs on the front porch kept blowing over so I placed a heavy cooking pot on it, problem solved. 

 Lorita,   It sounds like Sarah is home. It sounds like she may not be as bad as she thinks. I would think if she was that bad the hospital hopefully would not let her go home. I bet your glad your fence has been fixed. Hopefully you get the tree problem taken care of. I have a few big trees around my house they lean just a bit but not toward my house.  The pictures of your flowers are very pretty and as for the girls they know right where the shade is. They are pretty.

 Ron,   I also love to get up early in the morning and have my coffee. My coffee pot is set to make coffee at 5:30am and if I get up earlier I just turn it on and by the time I am ready its ready. Its not unusual for me to get up at 3:00am. I love the early morning hours and my coffee. I would love to get me a bag of donuts, but I have no control and I would eat the whole bag. Maybe I will bag 3 or 4 and freeze them then limit myself to just one bag.  I would love for us all to sit on the porch and enjoy our coffee and watch the sun come up. 

You all sound like gardeners as for me I am lucky if I can keep my grass green. My son has all the sprinklers on timers but living where I do green grass is a job. I gave up on flowers years ago. 

Good Night to All, Hugs Zetta 

dayn2nite2

One of the things I had told you when you were talking about moving him in with you is the fact that the person with the disease will overtake almost everything, every moment of your time, your time with your spouse, and this includes taking over the house.

If you want to vacuum in there, vacuum away whether he's there or not.  If he complains, tell him he needs to go to his room if he wants quiet.  Or your spouse can take him out somewhere so you can vacuum.

I'm sorry, but this is the way it is.  They will do and be where they want and you have to work around it.  It only gets worse.

harshedbuzz

That's great.

My dad camped out on the sofa for much of the middle and early late stages of the disease. I feel like maybe he didn't "recognize" his room as his; we had to move him from his places in MD and FL to be nearer me so he spent time in an apartment before moving to a new house.

But I noticed he also seemed to develop sensory issues, rather like a person with autism, as the disease progressed. Any time my parents had anyone visiting aside from me or dad's brother, he retreated to his bedroom while complaining about the racket. I wonder if you could hasten the process of accepting his bedroom as "his" by living as you normally would- cooking, cleaning, talking, TV on during your normal waking hours. 

HB

KawKaw

True, day2nite.

He takes up much energy and space.  I will do my best to overcome my difficulty with interrupting television watching to get my chores done in that room.  It is one of the things that goes against my grain, so it will have to be conscious change.

Great news, though.

Last night, he slept in his room!!

It was glorious!  : )  For me, I mean.

He says he is pleased with the comfort of the bed.  Great news!

That motivates me.  He and I are hanging more pictures in his room today.  He requested it.

Yay!

KawKaw

HB, excellent point.  

When I manage to overcome my inclination to be polite over getting things done (which is an internal conflict that needs to be resolved), he might indeed prefer a quiet place to retire to.

At this point, I think I am treating him like a guest rather than a household member of the family.

A lot of change for us all.

It is odd thinking that I might be going through what my mother did, and what my FIL is going through before too long.

I am functioning well despite having MCI and other disabilities.  But I do wonder what the future holds.

abc123

KawKaw, you are a remarkable woman.

KawKaw

You are very kind, abc123.  I feel pretty ordinary, though.

I took the advice offered and did some cleaning in the kitchen attached to the family room while FIL was napping.

I even turned on my old time rock and roll and did a bit of dancing while I cleaned.  It's been a while!

It went well, so I am most encouraged.

Today, FIL was very confused when he awoke.  He thought this was a hotel and it was moving day.  He had been going through his belongings to prepare.  They are all over the bedroom, WHICH HE HAS BEEN SLEEPING IN!  Hooray!

In any case, he rarely lives in the same reality as my spouse and I.  Usually, he thinks that the Navy has recalled him despite being retired for many years.

We are very fortunate in that so far FIL has a gentle nature and rarely becomes angry or agitated.