Alcoholic Father Spiralling Down

treese

Hello all,

My mother is 87 with mild vascular dementia and a weak heart.  She has been in assisted living for two months now. She is doing well with good care. 

My father is 88, has early dementia, and is an alcoholic. He resists all offers of help and remains at home. Neighbors and a family friend check on him since a drunken fall two weeks ago in a bar parking lot. He broke a rib and had a minor brain bleed. 

My parents live five hours south of me. I have a good job and supportive boss. I visit once a month for a few days.  I have an excellent geriatric care manager. She as well as other professionals who have worked with my father indicate he is "just competent enough" that there is not much to be done. He refuses to take meds, especially since my mother was placed in assisted living.

My father was hiding the meds my mother missed before her placement. He had a hard time following them himself, though they were blister packs that had the date and time to be taken. Home Health refusing to come anymore was a turning point.   Adult protective services was called in and mom got placed.

My father told a family member he "wanted to be left alone" to die with my mother.

I am putting this out there to get it off my chest and to get feedback from this wonderful community.  As is often said, none of us wanted to be a member of this club but here we are.

Any tips on surviving this time?  How do you protect yourselves when alcoholism is part of the picture?

Very best to all of you as you take it one day at a time. 

MN Chickadee

Welcome treese. I'm sorry for what you are going through, it sounds rough. There are some members here who will probably have advice on the alcohol front. So does the geriatric care manager think you could not get guardianship of your father at this point? Have you consulted an elder law attorney about guardianship?

Stuck in the middle

If your father is competent, he has the right to drink as much as he wants.  I know you don't like it, any more than I liked it when my father smoked himself to death, but no one can make an addict stop except the addict himself.  From what you said, your father is not yet ready to stop.  There is an organization called Alanon that is made up of family members of alcoholics.  I suggest you get in touch with your local chapter.  They will know much more about it than anyone else.