Making the move to MC

Stuck in the middle

You are a good man, BHopper.  You are doing the best thing for your wife, and your reports to us are a blessing to those of us who will have to do the same thing.  Thank you.

Jeff86

So glad for you, BHopper, that you had a great visit.  And so good to hear that the facility is flexible and was responsive to your DW.  Very promising!

Virgil61

Thanks for the update!   Please update after your visit - would really like to know how that goes.

Bhopper

We had a couple of pretty good days couple of challenges today was really difficult on me as when I went to visit her this evening she asked me not to leave her there most difficult thing I’ve done in my life was to wait till she went to sleep and leave the facility they have done a good job of telling her that I will be back every day that I am only at work is heartbreaking knowing that they can provide care I can’t but she will wake up in the night knowing I’m not thereAnd feeling as if I’ve left her that’s the thing I can’t let go of and it is destroying my heart I fight the urge to go and get her and bring her home my brain knows that’s the wrong thing but my heart won’t let go she has had good days and participated in activities and it’s only been one week they tell me it takes one to three months to acclimate I don’t know that I will survive that. Of time

M1

Hang in there, it may not happen as you're imagining. Hard not to borrow trouble I know. You're off to a good start. Your love for her comes through in everything you say.

Virgil61

Hi - thanks for the update!  So, is she "acclimating" some?  Has she started participating in any of the activities at MC.  Does she have a resident or two that she migrates towards?  Does she have a favorite staff member or two?  Do yall talk on the phone?   How about you - how are you doing?  WHAT are you doing?   I know you miss her (I feel your pain, REALLY) and that she misses you (my wife cries daily about going and pleads with me to go with her).  I am not looking forward to this Mister - I also will fight the urge to go get her (I will probably make "dummy runs" pretending to go get her just to make myself feel better for a few - and sit in the parking lot of the MC facility to be near her and then return home alone).  I am going to update and print out the list of reasons why a MC facility is best for her so that I can reference it every 15 minutes or so once she goes in (X days now).  I too will be packing and readying the house to sell after she goes in - I am both looking forward to that and dreading it at the same time.   How is that working for you?

M1

Virgil and Bhopper both: I hope the packing up and moving keeps you both so busy that you won't have time to think too much. And I mean that in the kindest way. Concrete tasks sure help me at times.

abc123

Just wanted to let you know we are all thinking about you & her. I hope she continues to settle in well. I wish you both the very best.

Virgil61

Thanks for that M1.  I do INDEED plan to stay busy - with a passion akin to fanaticism.   I want my alone hours to be few and I plan to be exhausted when they occur.  With my wife in a "happy place" (which is what I earnestly hope the MC facility we picked out becomes), my thoughts will become my biggest problem.  I can think of nothing better to coral them than work.  LOTS of work!  You obviously know this already. 

Virgil61

Hi - how is she doing now?  Is she more at ease there?  Are you still seeing her every day?  I don't even want to think about her asking you not to leave her because I know mine will do the same thing (and that thought creates a churning/anger inside that I cannot direct at anyone).  Hope your Sunday is going well.  Thanks for posting.

JEDnh2016

Bhopper, it Will get better!

I made the decision to move my DW of 41 years  into MC 11 months ago. As you know, hardest decision in your life.

 I was advised to drop her off, tell her I was going on business trip, and will return in 3 days. the MC staff was awesome, and brought her to new apartment with furnishings from our home.  They paid special attention to make sure she was busy with activities, had someone to eat with, etc. I was in 2x daily contact to see how she was doing, but was advised to stay away for 2-3 weeks for her to acclimate to the new life.

 She did well, can't say the same for me. When I finally got to see her, she was happy, took her out of facility went for a drive, had lunch, and returned saying I had to go back to work. This is now the new normal.

  Unfortunately, covid reared its head, and winter was terrible because could not visit, except for window visits with me in the snow bank, and her in a window wondering why I wouldn't come in for coffee.  I

 t is better now, we visit( 2x per week,as I live 1.5 hours away) and see grandkids etc. Accepting that this is new normal is what is needed.

It Will get better!