Any suggestions on packing back up or anger?

COred

We moved MIL near us about a month ago.  Any suggestions or advice on dealing with a couple of things (we have a whole host of things we’re trying to manage/figure out but I’ll just start with 2!)

1) We moved MIL next to us about a month ago (against her wishes).  She is continually focused on going back home.  What do you do when she starts trying to pack her stuff back up.  Up until now it’s just been small stuff but today she took all the photo albums and pictures out of the cabinet they are in and said she needs to start packing them up to go back home.  They are all over the floor in the living room right now.

2) MIL is constantly moving things around, hiding things(I know that’s technically not what she’s doing), and even throwing things away for about 3 years now.  She believes it’s FIL doing it or “the ladies” he is letting in the house doing it.  She is constantly mad at him for doing these things and accusing him of doing it, yelling at him and crying over it.  The latest is photo albums she made of each of her children.  Considering she has moments she doesn’t remember her children, I won’t be surprised if they are gone for good.  We try to help look for things and find a lot but she cannot let go of the things we can’t find and stays mad at him.  When she gets confrontational with him, he usually replies he didn’t do anything with “it” and leaves the room but then she’s mad that he leaves.

Thank you!

loveskitties

My father has had the same issue with misplacing things as well as thinking that other people are in the house doing things.

His doc has recently changed his meds and that seems to have helped a lot with those issues as well as the agitation.

Perhaps it is time for a doc appointment for either new meds or change of dosage on existing meds.

COred

Unfortunately, she is completely unaware there is a problem.  Doctor gave her 3 different meds.  She took them for a couple of months (and they did seem to help some) but now refuses to take them because she does not need them.

Iris L.

COred wrote:

Unfortunately, she is completely unaware there is a problem.  

This is anosognosia.  YOU have to be aware that this is a real thing.  You have to learn work-arounds.  You or someone else has to be in charge of the medications.  You will have to be in charge of everything.  Put everything valuable away in a safe place.  Read a lot of threads.

Iris

Suzzin

My mom packs up all the time to go "home". She has a bag by the front door, and randomly packs other things. It's "fun" to see what she wants to take with her--three calculators, some knee high nylons, a couple of Christmas ornaments....?? My dad used to get upset and ask me to unpack, but now I just let them be.  When I go by I'll put a few things away, but if it's not something they will need then I just let her pack things in boxes or bags.

COred

Iris, thank you, we do realize this is a real thing (I couldn’t think of the term when I was writing my post).  We have tried to be in charge of her taking her medications, but she flat out refuses to take them and gets mad and yells at us about how she doesn’t need them and is going to call the police because we are trying to force her to take medicine she does not need.  She makes her own food to eat (meaning her plate or her snack) so it’s not something we could put in her food.  She’s determined to be independent (she’s always been very stubborn) so would not go along with us making her a snack or fixing her plate for her.  Any suggestions on how to get her to take the medicine?

COred

Suzzin, thank you, that’s very helpful!  I just wasn’t sure if I should try to put it back or help her put it in a box or what!  I like your suggestion!

BassetHoundAnn

For about six months after I moved my mom to my city she was regularly packing up to go home. She kept an ancient suitcase under her bed and was packing it with stacks of framed photos, broken clocks she claimed my dad had given her, knickknacks, p.j.s., fuzzy socks, old costume jewelry. As Suzzin found with her mom it became amusing and sad and alarming to see what belongings she hoped would help her flee the state. It certainly reaffirmed my conviction that she was no longer of competent mind and I had done the right thing by spiriting her to my house. She eventually forgot about the suitcase and the packing stopped.

Iris L.

COred wrote:

  We have tried to be in charge of her taking her medications, but she flat out refuses to take them and gets mad and yells at us about how she doesn’t need them and is going to call the police because we are trying to force her to take medicine she does not need.  

This is also a display of anosognosia.  She truly believes she is fine, and will become upset if you try to convince her otherwise.  So, do not try to convince her that she is impaired or needs medication.  Read about validation.

She makes her own food to eat (meaning her plate or her snack) so it’s not something we could put in her food.  She’s determined to be independent (she’s always been very stubborn) so would not go along with us making her a snack or fixing her plate for her.  Any suggestions on how to get her to take the medicine?

Some meds can be crushed and then dissolved into coffee.  Discuss with a pharmacist first.   The members have many great work-arounds regarding medications and other issues.  

Iris

LainieR

CoRed, my mom sounds a lot like yours.  She was always large and in charge, organized and so creative and capable along with some stubbornness- she was amazing and wonderful.  Now those same qualities are causing the most unbelievable and awful episodes.  Most of these center around going home.  She’ll tell my dad, “I’m ready to go home now, Hon”, and she means it.  We’ve tried telling her they live here now (a condo in a senior residential community) or tell her they’re spending the night and going home tomorrow.  Nothing works.  We can’t distract or redirect her.  It’s like she’s on this adrenaline rush.  It gets uglier and uglier where the thoughts build and morph (they’re divorced, calling the police, she’s responsible for the children, on and on).  She thinks we’re lying, doesn’t trust us, and that we’re all crazy.  I know it is the disease, but it is wearing us out.   It seems related somewhat to sun downing, but not completely.  We don’t take her out of the house except for a doctor appointment because it’s almost a guarantee that when we get back to their condo and pull into the driveway it starts and sometimes she won’t get out of the car.  We have her on a regular schedule, very little to no variety to her days as I know how important that is for dementia. She was on Zyprexa 25mg, but as of this past week, has been started on Seroquel 25 mg. I will be updating her physician once she has been taking it a little longer for possible dosing adjustments.  I see no improvement yet.  It’s crazy how even tho she can’t remember that she ate breakfast 3 minutes ago, she can still hang on to the “I want to go home” or “I have to go to work”, “we need to get to the funeral home”, or “I have a committee meeting to go to” for hours! Sometimes, depending on the time of day it is happening, we can just agree with her and let her walk around getting ready and it fizzles out - but most of the time, NO - she wants us to help her or take her there, etc. - she keeps asking us questions and she can’t get over it.  It is dreadful.  I’m sorry I don’t have any successful tips to give you, but I feel better knowing there are others dealing with these really tough family members.  My mom is 83 and my dad is 90.