Denial(4)

Lizzielou

When will the denial end?  My DH won’t see a doctor, wear hearing aids, or admit he has any problems at all.

Ed1937

Lizzielou, welcome to the forum. Sorry you have reason to be here.

The reason he doesn't think anything is wrong is because he has anosognosia. That is the inability to realize there is a problem. You nor anyone else will make him believe he has one.

You have found a good forum to get help, help others, and have a place to put your feelings in print. People here understand.

Ed1937

I should have added that anosognosia is not the same as denial. It really is the inability to understand.

Palmetto Peg

My husband is the same - doesn't believe it, but he makes jokes about how he is becoming an "idiot".  He says he won't go to the neurologist in October after a three month wait for an appointment.  He won't do any of the brainteasers or puzzles the doctor thought might help.  He won't take the B-12 and the statin prescribed without a major argument every day.  He won't try the recommended CPAP to help him sleep better.  He won't, he won't, he won't.  So, do the best you can and try to ignore some of the denial.  Probably none of the things the doctor suggested would help in the long term, so I just take it day by day and see if I can get the meds in him, I do the puzzles and sometimes he shows an interest, and I will do the best I can to get him to the doctor in October.  Good luck!!!!!

Joe C.

Lizzielou, I am in my 8th year of this journey and DW has never acknowledged that there is a problem, that is anasognosia. My DW also refused to see a neurologist for her “memory” issues. I finally got her to see a neurologist under the guise that the appointment was for sleep apnea. The neurologist was aware of the fiblet I told her so she started the appointment talking about her sleep patterns the moved on the doing MMSE test.

SteveOD

I'm looking for advice on the appropriate composition of a care team. My 70-year-old wife is in the early stages of dementia. Early on (in another city), a geriatrician send her for blood tests (after which my wife started taking B12) and an MRI (to rule out physical causes for the memory loss). In a new city for a little over a year now, my wife sees a general practitioner, who sent my wife to see a neurologist, but who never asks my wife about her memory issues), the neurologist (who had my wife undergo a neuropsychological evaluation which formed the basis of the diagnosis of dementia, and who started my wife on donepezil, but who hasn't spoken to my wife in 3/4 of a year), and a gynecologist. My wife asked to talk to someone about the waves of depression she's experiencing, but when my wife arrived for that appointment, the social worker she was to see told my wife it would not be possible to see her until my wife could show proof of a clean COVID-19 test (but who did not arrange for the test at this supposedly comprehensive medical facility). 

My wife feels (and I agree) that she is not getting the attention or coordination of care she deserves from this team (and I use the term very loosely). It's bad enough to face the uncertainty of this diagnosis without feeling that your doctors aren't really looking out for you. Fortunately, we live in a city large enough to have a number of other medical enterprises, including a good university medical system. I'd appreciate opinions about who we should reach out to first—a general practitioner? a gerontologist?—and who we should expect will be on the team of doctors who see to her care.

moore3

VERY helpful to understand this as anosognosia, but it doesn't make it less frustrating 😖

I would like to know… is it more helpful or hurtful to remind them of it? My Dad refuses to move to AL (see linked post below). He says they are doing fine. We try to give him examples of why he's not:

• Mom was in hospital and he called me at 3am because he couldn't find her
• Doesn't remember Mom was sick at all
• Doesn't remember tours of AL an hour later
• on and on…

Feels like this is more hurtful than helpful, especially since he won't remember the conversation. If our goal is to have him "get it," it's just not going to happen. What do we do/say instead? I find myself considering my words before having conversations with him. How many times have I wanted to ask him, "Dad, do you remember when…" or "Dad, what did you eat for breakfast?" and then stopping myself because it's futile.

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/68725/resisting-move-to-assisted-living

Iris L.

Moore, you have posted onto a three year old thread. It's okay to start your own thread. The goal is not to have your PWD get it. You have to learn a new way of communicating with him. He doesn't sound like he should be left alone. Regarding your other post, you cannot "hope" that PWD will follow mom once she is in assisted living. He was anxious and afraid when she was in the hospital.

Iris

SSHarkey

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/106913#Comment_106913

Steve, post this as a new thread on the forum. You’ll get some good feedback!

Iris L.

Steve posted in 2021.