For discussion: what's your stress relief? Good or bad?

M1

After sitting at my computer playing minesweeper for an hour, I'm wondering what others do for stress relief.  Mindless computer games have typically been my "topical anesthesia" for the brain at the end of busy days.  I try not to let it become addictive, but I wonder sometimes.  I'm fortunate to have a treadmill and am trying to walk on it for an hour 3-4 times a week--and that does help.  Fortunately too, alcohol has never been that big a temptation for me, but I'm aware during the pandemic that glass of red at the end of the day has become too common a thing, and has tended to enlarge.  I'm one of these Pollyannas who was never tempted to smoke (tobacco or anything else).  But I find myself wanting to snack at bedtime, helps me go to sleep it seems (or perhaps it's just habit).  

Nothing terribly self-destructive, but nothing helps a lot either I'm afraid.  Today I got asked fifty times how long we'd been together (27 years), what caused her sister's death (Lewy Body dementia), did I know her mother (yes), did I know our neighbor Myron (yes, for twenty years), when is Rick coming for lunch (tomorrow), has Troy paid his rent (yes, yes, yes, yes).  I picked the last of my tomatoes, and within two hours she had thrown them out.  Fed birdseed to the cats tonight (you have to giggle at that one).

Ed1937

M1, for the most part I think I'm doing pretty well handling stress. But there are times when it gets pretty bad. It used to be that a good physical workout would be my go to remedy, but I no longer have the time to get away from my wife for that. Now it has become music. I can get lost in music, and it is a good stress reliever for me. I hope you can get your stress under control.

Joe C.

M1, My stress relief is physical exercise, mostly playing Pickleball and running. Recently one of the Pickleball groups I play with was petitioning the town to build new courts and requested members provide a brief quotas to include in the petition. Following is what I wrote:

As a full time caregiver for a wife with Alzheimer’s Disease, Pickleball has become a life line for me. It provides exercise, socialization, fresh air and stress relief all in one place. Finding an outlet in playing Pickleball has truly help me maintain my physical and mental wellbeing.

The person who requested the quote had no idea of my personal situation and through word of mouth another town’s Pickleball group reached out to me and ask if they could use my quote as well.

LadyTexan

Some of my stress relief activities are NOT healthy:

1. stress eating
2. smoking

Other stress relief activities I see as benign:

1. computer solitaire
2. reading 

Some of my stress relief activities double as self-care:

1. drinking hot tea or cucumber water
2. stretching
3. mindfully applying hand cream
4. spending time with nature, feeding the birds, watering the garden
5. petting my dog
6. engaging with other caregivers via this forum and IRL support group
7. actively verbalizing gratitude
8. bringing in a caregiver 4 hours a week

I am an alcoholic in recovery. Alcohol is not an option for me.

White Crane

Dear M1, depending on the level of stress, my goal to stress reliever sitting down with a good book. I also practiced Tai Chi and teach two classes a week. 20 minutes of Tai Chi is a wonderful stress-reliever.  If my stress level is really high I leave the house and walk to a nearby park. Then I call a trusted friend and tell them what’s happening. They can usually talk me off the ledge.  I mustn’t leave out my greatest stress reliever prayer and reading the Bible. It’s only with God’s  help that I can continue to do this day after day.  

Try to take care of yourself, M1.  I wish you peace. 

Brenda 

Doityourselfer

My stress reliefs are:

Music - I could listen to music all day long

Journaling - a decades long habit

Walking/Jogging/Exercise

Watching comedy movies/series on Netflix, Hulu, Showtime, Amazon Prime

Mowing/Gardening/Yardwork

Sitting on my deck admiring nature

Treating myself to natural bar soaps that smell so nice, good sheets, nice pajamas

Going out to dinner with friends every other month

Cannabis for those days when my husband is highly agitated

Grocery shopping

DrinaJGB

I get my hands dirty in the garden Yesterday I was planting a new climbing rose for the arbor I recently put up.This is something that always relieves my stress level.

 After FedEx delivered my most recent antique rose I was outside digging a hole for it and DH actually came outside to help---WHAT a surprise! Of course, by then I was nearly done but it was a nice surprise for hi to at least ask.

  The weather has been beautiful for the past few days so I would rather be outside than inside.I would rather buy roses than clothes-lol!

I also listen to music (sometimes dancing to a party for one), walk the dogs or play frisbee with my GSD. It all helps.

Kenzie56

I put on a movie at 8:30 am for DH and walk my two GSD 4 miles with earbuds playing classic rock every day - rain, shine, sleet or snow. My DH is usually asleep when I return and never remembers I left. Exhausted in the evening (and after DH is asleep), I grab a glass of wine, light candles in the bathroom, put on music and soak in the tub. This is the calm before the evening storm...but it is my time and I love it. My life is like an Oreo...my time is the chocolate cookies, but I really don't like the crap in the middle.

nancyj194

M1, the birdseed fed to the cats gave me a smile.  Too bad the tomatoes "went over the fence," as my mother says living on the farm. 

My stress relivers are:

Walking and jogging 30 minutes a day. Motion is lotion.

 Doing PT on my new knee, along with 30 sit ups. 

Checking this site.

Reading the comics online.

Working a puzzle.  (It's for my DH, but we both work on it each day)

Just getting out, is refreshing and mood boosting. I don't go alone, as DH wants to always go with me. 

Be gentle with yourself.

Nancy

Arrowhead

I find humor to be a great stress reliever. Hearing or reading a funny story; listening to a comedian; watching a funny TV show or movie. You might be amused by the following story. This was an actual conversation between my wife of 44 years and myself. She started it off.

I can’t find him. 

Can’t find who. 

Your husband. 

My husband? 

Your husband. 

I’m not gay. 

You’re not?

jfkoc

Ancestry....I do friends trees as well as mine. I love the search, also the history and geography lessons

Beachfan

Self indulgence might be my middle name.  I’ve had standing hair and nail appointments since long before Alz. (With short hair, it’s a must!) I’ve added facials, pedicures, and massages, scheduling the next appointment as I leave.  I’m fortunate to be able to leave DH alone for up to 3 hours with advance preparation.  On a day-to-day basis, I love a good read, an outdoor “sit”, a Netflix binge, a jet tub soak, but I’m typically too tired.   I have the “easy listening” Comcast Music channel on for most of the day.  DH is an easy patient for the most part; it makes for less stress up front.

* M1,

The tomato story broke my heart.  I love home grown tomatoes ( especially Jerseys).  I once ate so many, I developed a rash from the acidity.  A favorite summer treat is sliced tomato, American cheese, salt, pepper, and Mayo on toasted bread.  Yummy.

JDancer

DH can currently be left alone at home for short periods. I find swimming to be a great stress relief. My pool time clears my head and keeps my mind and body strong.

Buggsroo

My stress relievers are listening to music on my iPhone, playing Mahjong on my phone, doing vocabulary puzzles in the paper, reading in French. The unhealthy ones are sometimes snacking and looking at clothing web sites. 

I have a part-time job doing graphic design. That helps with the mental fog. I also go out for walks and sit outside on our deck. I was lucky and got to see a blue jay today. I love nature and animals. I honestly think if we didn’t have things to give us pleasure, we would implode.

I love the bit about giving the cats birdseed.

Paris20

An old movie, some cookies, plus coffee or tea, and I can relax a little. I used to work out every day at aerobic dance classes but Covid put a stop to that, as did my husband’s deteriorating condition. He shadows me like a puppy and I wouldn’t be able to leave him while I prance around. I miss the workouts and I know know exercise is a terrific stress reducer but necessity is the mother of invention so I do what I can at home.

Donr

Since I can still get out for short amount of time, I meet friends almost every day for coffee and conversations at Starbucks.

harshedbuzz

I walked when I was helping my mother with dad. I used to go to the state park and put 3-5 miles on until my right knee wore out and needed replacement. Now I do online Pilates. 

M1-

Birdseed for the cats? Talk about eliminating the middleman.

I am sorry about your tomatoes; is your season over?

Beachfan-

Ah, that sandwich. I do an open-faced American cheese, sliced tomato, and bacon with ground pepper under the broiler. Or BLTs. I try to get tomatoes off a local guy (PA) whose dad grew them for Campbell's Tomato Soup back in the day- Jersey tomatoes are great (my backup), but these are meatier and really intense. 

HB

jfkoc

Best and memorable tomato sandwhich...truck stop somewhere in Iowa...tomato, wonder bread and Miracle Whip...I have yet to eat a good tomato or corn on the cob here in OK.

Davegrant

This is a helpful discussion to see what others are doing and gives me an opportunity to think about what I am doing to relieve stress.

1. Go on line to this site every morning while DW is still sleeping. 

2. Go to an AA meeting on Saturday morning, 

3. Attend one on~line AA meeting a week.

4. Watch television shows and sports.

5. Yard work, House work, cooking,  grocery shopping. (not necessarily a stress releiver) but still a diversion from my thinking. My spouse participates with me and its good to get out of the house. 

6. Meet with a group for lunch once a month,  My former HS classmates. Class of 1960

7.I go with my DW to her HS class reunion who meet monthly for supper at a local bar/restaurant. Class of 1955.

8. I recently began working with a hospital advocate and I am finding her to be a good support for resources and working with the medical community.

M1

Great ideas here. Music is one I don’t take advantage of enough.

Yes, the tomato season is winding down, though we haven’t had a frost yet. I lost it over that one, she was very contrite but oh well.  The birdseed threw me, so weird. Yes HB I had the same thought about eliminating the middleman!!! I’ll never have another outside cat after these two go (both are old). But she constantly says chickens when she means cats, or chickens when she means ducks, so I don’t know if that somehow contributed.

It’s these weird things that keep me off balance and contribute to some of the stress. Today’s example (and it’s still early): a hydraulic hose in the tractor sprung a leak and spilled hydraulic fluid on the driveway. She was going to “clean” it up by spraying Fix a Flat tar onto the driveway. I avoided that one, but there will be something else right behind it. So I end up feeling like I’ve tilted at windmills all day long….

janeymack

So many interesting ideas in these lists. My stress relievers are

1. Glass of ros'e wine (can't figure out how to put the accent aigu in there)

2. online yoga

3. online meditation

4. baking bread (in cold weather)

5. baking cakes

6. gardening in spring and summer

7. home decorating/reno - last reno was the kitchen, no more while H is living at home.

8. 2 mile walk with my dogs

9. listening to music or true crime podcasts

10. watching Friends on dvd if I can't sleep

11. doing crosswords on my phone

12. petting my little Jack Russell. Not sure I'd still be sane without her in my life and hope she lives another ten years.

13. when things get really rough, mentally reaching out to my guardian angel to help me get through it. She never fails me.

14. a soak in the hot tub with some spa music playing.

And, my number one in times of great Alz stress: texting my Alz.org BFF, which usually results in both of us laughing.

CStrope

Janeymack, yes those BFF's are so important at helping us get through this mess.  

After a long day of working from home, and managing DH and whatever issues he seems to have created during the day....I need to find as many ways to destress as possible.

I find myself doing puzzles of every type.  Partly to relieve the stress, and partly to make sure I keep my brain in tip top shape so that I don't end up like DH.  Sudoku, Kakuro, jigsaw, crossword, matching, you name it I do it!

I am horrible at self care, but I have booked a relaxation facial for 2 weeks from today and I can't wait!!!!!

JoseyWales

My stress relief activities are limited these days, due to DH requiring so much attention. I love to quilt, but haven't pieced one in over a year and still haven't quilted it. DH is bothered by my having those things out.  

We used to walk a lot, but DH is so slow now and finds walks in the woods "scary". So no more walks, and there's no one to stay with DH so I can go alone.

I used to watch tv, but DH gets upset now when the tv is on and I find I can't concentrate on the shows when I have to get up every 3 minutes to help him with something.

Now I snack. Sometimes bake, but even that requires more time than I can usually find. I play games on my phone and kindle. Those can be put down quickly and carried with me from room to room. I'd be mortified if I saw how many hours I've played. So I don't look.

I keep telling myself this is a temporary time in my life, and I'll find ways to take care of myself once DH is placed.

Jeff86

For me, the best stress relievers are things that I do that totally engage me so I can set caregiving concerns aside for a period of time.

Three things do that for me.  One is work—my job is challenging, demanding, engaging.  So I’ve been reluctant to give it up and retire.  A second is tennis—need to be in the moment (although my many unforced errors can be a source of stress if I allow them to be!).  The third is reading—novels, for me, let me enter another world entirely, for a time.

The first two require that I have help for my DW while I do them.  The third I do at night as she goes to bed early.

JoseyWales

Jeff- work is actually a stress reliever for me too, and I forgot about that. I'm in what could be considered a high stress job (special education teacher, often dealing with lots of severe behavior issues from students), but I love it.  It means I have hired caregivers for DH, and then I'm reluctant to hire more for me to just get away. 

We have week after next off school, and I'm planning 2 days to be off by myself. It will be the first in a long time. I'm not sure I even know what I'll do.

JoseyWales

M1 - I used to be a minesweeper expert. I'd try to do the puzzle without using flags, to make it harder. I haven't played in several years. I may have to try today!

Lynne D

I am hand-weeding 2.5 acres.

M1

Jeff, I agree with you completely about both work and reading.  My work is also meticulous, and I love it.  It's getting harder though; I have to work in the kitchen because that's where our satellite wifi reception is best (oh, that we would get broadband...but that's another story), and my partner constantly interrupts me, she can't help it.  Reading is also my latenight activity.  E-books from the library on my Kindle are a must have, but lately it has to be fairly light fiction; I can't stomach anything substantive right now.  We don't have home help yet, and it won't be easy to find in this rural area.

In fact, I agree with almost all the stress relievers mentioned on this thread.  Too bad that there's no getting rid of the dementia, which is the source of the stress.  In the hour I've been in the kitchen this morning, my partner has asked me at least ten times about a friend getting married today, and whether we've met his fiancee.  I feel like a broken record, and a lonesome one at that.

Josey, I hadn't played minesweeper in years, but recently downloaded it again and I'm stuck on it.  

Buggsroo

I know I already commented on my stress busters. 

I downloaded a whole bunch of music by Genesis and while I was working, played it at ear splitting decibals in my earphones. Also played Pink Floyd, Brian Ferry and Peter Gabriel. The intensity of it brought me out of my funk and I felt so much better. I don’t do it ton often but sometimes listening to angry rock really does it for me.

DrinaJGB

I read every night instead of watching TV. It relaxes me and I am a junkie to the written word. When my granddaughter was here recently she saw the bookcase in my bedroom and asked if I had read all of those books. I said yes, and hundreds more.I showed her my library on my Kindle. She responded with "Oh, WOW!"

Cathy123

Hi there M1

I relieve stress by running corded earbugs up my back and split around my neck. I seldom get to place both buds in my ears but at least I can put one in. Now that the cord is somewhat hidden, I can plug the end into my back pocket for:

IPOD if Im in the mood for music. Exercise with the broom, mop and duster serves as entertainment if my DH is awake.

IPhone5 with downloaded audiobooks and YouTube subscriptions to guided meditations if my DH is calm or asleep.

I have Ipads for laptop word games (which I seldom plug the earphones in for game noise)

I try to journal whenever I can. I keep a composition book for each year and a pen in the next blank page. It relieves my stress when I can thumb thru past pages and can rip roar belly laugh at the words I wrote. Many times, short, curt and...baaaad

I honestly try to find humor in SOMETHING, ANYTHING to relieve my stress.  Admittingly, a darn good ole fashion cry relieves my stress too.