Tomorrow is our 9th Anniversary, what do you recommend?

LadyTexan

Tomorrow is our 9th Anniversary. I haven't planned anything or even reminded DH the significance of the day.

Last year DH had someone take him to the store so he could buy a card for me. DH didn't have the ability to write anything in the card or put it in the envelope. 

I bought a card to give to DH. He doesn't have the ability to open the envelope or read the card. I will read it to him.

I love my husband. It seems that I am lacking the energy and motivation to plan something special for the day. 

• Going to a restaurant is no longer an option for us.
• Making a special meal requires planning and shopping. Which I dropped the ball on. 
• I can make brownies or a cake. 
• I can make a bouquet from the flowers on our garden. 
• I can remind him how much I love him.

As I write this, I am reminded of how very special and exciting our wedding day was. Our life has changed so much. My love for DH has grown and deepened. My energy to celebrate the day has waned.

What do you recommend?

60 falcon

Last May was our 30th anniversary. It was like any other day. I think I mentioned it to her, but there was no understanding or significance for her.

My recommendation is to do something that might make you feel good, but don't expect anything from him.

DrinaJGB

Last July was our 40th. I made a great dinner and bought a good bottle of wine. I gave him a card. I got an index card with Happy Anniversary written on it and a heart drawn. It is his standard "gift" to me for every occasion ---birthday, Valentine's , Christmas. etc. Index card, heart, with "Happy Whatever--the same.

  Once our daughter actually took him to buy a gift for me for Christmas (2010), and that was the final "gift" from DH. She has since seemingly forgotten how important this is or is simply too busy to bother.

  You get what you can get I guess. SO-- I buy my own gifts for myself now.

Pam BH

LT, I'm not sure why I thought of this since I most definitely do not have a green thumb. How about planting a favorite flower, bush, or tree in honor of your anniversary and then it will be a visible reminder for you later of your love for each other?  Then brownies, flowers, and telling him you love him (without any expectations at all of him) sound like a winner.

I wish you a very happy day both in the present and down memory lane.

loveskitties

Dear LT,

I suggest some nice music and a look at some of the pictures of you two together from earlier days.  He may not remember, but share your memories of the times as you let him know how much you love him.

I have found that what comes from the heart, not from the wallet or store, means the most for those special days.

Ed1937

I would suggest cake and coffee, or another drink. Flowers on the table, along with your wedding album if you have one, or other pictures of better times. Some nice music can help. Look through the pictures, and enjoy your day. Make it for you, not him. If you get anything at all from him, even a heartfelt smile, consider it a win. Happy anniversary to you.

M1

Yes LT, Happy Anniversary.  I think Ed's suggestions are great.  We don't celebrate much of anything any more--and I miss it.  My partner got upset even talking about Christmas yesterday (my son wants to come home, he'll be turning 30 on Dec. 23, so it's always a combination holiday).  I think any excitement is too upsetting now.

I love the author EB White (of Charlotte's Web fame)--if you've never read his essays from the New Yorker, they are some of my favorites.  There is a famous one--Death of a Pig--where he talks about losing and then burying a pig on his farm--and he and his dachshund Fred go to visit the grave "on memorial days of our own choosing."  I love that phrase.  We can make our own special days, no matter when.  Hope tomorrow is a good one for you.

ladyzetta

Dear Lady T.

Happy Anniversary.   I think flowers from your garden and what ever you fix for dinner along with the cake or brownies, And a I Love You,   will make his day special. Like Ed said look for that smile, that will make your day special.  If your DH can't open the card just don't put it in a envelope just stand it up on the table next to the flowers. Enjoy your day. Hugs Zetta  

Beachfan

Happy Anniversary!  Sorry, I have no suggestions for you, although others have offered some nice ideas.  Every day is the same around here, so no worries over celebrating; it’s been this way for a long time now.  Several years ago, on our 50th, I said to DH, “Do you know what you were doing 50 years ago today?”  “No”.  I said, “ You were waiting for me to walk down the aisle to marry you.”  Out of nowhere, he said, “ Lucky you.”  I don’t know where that came from, but it made me smile.  Nothing since.  Enjoy your day, however.

Paris20

My husband and I have been married for 57 years. When our anniversary came around last month I didn’t expect him to remember it but, when I asked him what September 13 means to him, he said, «It’s our anniversary.» That was my gift. A friend took him out to buy flowers and I bought a cake to celebrate. I think that’s sufficient under the circumstances.

Jeff86

AD means alway having to manage our expectations.

We had our 26th anniversary this summer and DW had no idea.  But it’s not just the anniversary that’s lost.  While it’s not true all the time, today my DW has no idea what my name is or what our relationship is.

If I mark an occasion—birthday, anniversary, Thanksgiving, and so on—I know I’m doing it for me.  However you choose to celebrate the occasion, be sure it will please you.  If your DH can acknowledge or appreciate any part of it, that’s a great, extra gift.

Buggsroo

I told my husband it was my birthday on September 20. He gave me a hug. That was great.

I buy my own gifts now, on my 50th he gave me a catered party. That was one of the most amazing birthdays I ever had. I often go back over that time in my mind and smile.

I am learning to understand the God of small things, if something makes me smile or produces happiness, that is the God of small things at work.

NylaBlue

DH and I will be married 43 years in January. It was always a busy time of year at work for both of us, so we seldom celebrated on the actual date. Instead, the last two weeks of December was a celebration of everything, every year; parties, trips, presents, cards, surprises. Then, over a decade ago, it started to slow down, with sadness replacing celebration. Now Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries, the New Year, mean little or nothing to DH and so they pass by like any other days on the calendar. Trying to do something special would just be even more depressing.

Doityourselfer

Hope you have a good day, Lady Texan.

Crushed

We just had the 11th  anniversary of DW's  Cognitive impairment diagnosis.  Its been three years since she had any idea who I was.  We were married 46 years ago.

I have no idea what to advise but best wishes 

harshedbuzz

However you decide to mark the day, I hope it exceeds your expectations.

Happy Anniversary.

abc123

Dear LadyTexan, I hope you both have a peaceful and happy anniversary day!

Mint

Happy Anniversary Lady Texan.

jfkoc

wishing you a happy day!

amicrazytoo

I hope that all your wonderful memories make tomorrow special for you. Happy Anniversary!

Jo C.

Happy Anniversary wishes.

Best gift would be one of peace with a peaceful day for the both of you.

For me, that would be setting up the day so "he" would benefit from the dynamics.  Go slow, no demands.    Letting him know he is loved, a nice hug would be lovely.  If he would understand, then talking about your anniversary or your wedding or showing photos could be nice, but if he would not understand and become "testy" about it all, then I would skip that.  At this point, it really is all about him as he sets the tone of your day.

Sensory experience for him I would suppose.  Would he enjoy lotion rubbed onto his back or feet/hands?  How about a really nice takeout dinner for the middle of the day from a local restaurant hopefully with a pickup at the curb - and a nice cake or other dessert you would both enjoy . . . .  if he still likes to watch TV, perhaps a program he could enjoy with you.  If not, well; whatever he would find soothing which would give you some easy breathing..

Little bits of calm, nice flavors, easy going day with no major items to take care of . . .

It may seem like little, but it really is a lot considering . . .

May the day go well and may it be peaceful for you.

J.

Michael Ellenbogen

LLove your  ideas.

Ed1937

Lady, I hope you can report back that it went well.

Hal42

LT, congratulations! I hope your day is a good one.

My wife and I quit celebrating holidays, anniversaries, etc as she became unable to get out to buy cards or gifts for me. She would have felt badly if I bought things for her. So we compromise by celebrating our anniversary (46 years last month!) by ordering out from one of her favorite restaurants. We do acknowledge whatever the occasion is but no cards or gifts exchanged. 

caberr

Wishing you a Happy Anniversary!

Mama Cass

I think you should do what you think is special.  He may not remember it, but you will.

My DH still talks about our anniversary.  Mostly in the context of asking what the date is.  Which I have expressed great gratitude for his willingness to share when he does not remember something, because I know there will come a day where it is just not there.

I am not too worried if he forgets, just another chance for me to let him know how special he is to me.

I do get the difficulty in thinking of something or having the energy to do something.

Again, find something that will bring you joy.

LadyTexan

Thank you all for the well wishes and the great ideas.

DH and I had a very good day. It was very simple. We exchanged cards without envelopes this morning. My dear sister volunteered to my DH to pick up a card for me from him. She is very thoughtful.

DH understood the significance of the day. He suggested we go out to a local restaurant later this week. I agreed that would be nice. Between me and the forum, restaurant dining has me a little anxious given his current eating abilities, but maybe its worth a try.

We kissed and we hugged. We even took a steamy shower together......of course showering together now is an entirely different experience born of necessity, instead of passion. It is nice having a clean husband. 

I love DH so much. I am grateful for our life together. I wish Alzheimer's Disease was not part of it.

abc123

I’m very thankful that you & your DH had a special day together. I agree, a clean husband is wonderful!

Hug Hap for me. I’ve been extra busy since Hurricane Ida blew through my city. I have my two dogs, plus two dogs who were left out on chains during the hurricane. One of them is a blind, 8 month old pup weighing in at 58 pounds. I have an appointment to get him neutered this week. Next week the older dog will be spayed. I’m keeping them with me until a transport is arranged to a different state. I kept a 6 month old pup for three weeks who belongs to a police officer who lost his home to Ida. Kept a hound mix who ate the bathroom door. Lol! Thank goodness she only stayed a week!

PS~ I like your sister! 

LadyTexan

@abc123 - Thanks for taking care of the animals. They are so vulnerable when natural disasters strike. Just like the people impacted, the animals become anxious and scared in the storm. I am glad they have safe refuge with you.

Hap has been hugged on your behalf. He sends you tail wags and dog kisses.

Ed1937

Lady, I'm so glad you had a good day. That was huge.

abc, thank you for taking care of helpless animals. One of our sons and a g-daughter brought home a small puppy that had been hit by a car. It wasn't badly hurt, and he spent the rest of his life with us and another dog we had. He's been gone 10+ years now, and our son still talks about him very often. 

CStrope

DH and I had our 35th anniversary in August.  He had no idea, and I didn't bring it up.  If I remind him of things he can't remember on his own, its merely a reminder of all that he can't do.  My son went and brought me home a breakfast sandwich, and a new Yeti cup for my coffee.  I felt so bad that he felt the need to make the day special for me since his dad couldn't.  But I'm grateful that I have such a great son.  Next week marks the 1 year anniversary since DH's official diagnosis.  I can't believe the changes his dementia and our lives have gone through in that year.