Unorthodox Care Plan (MC)

Joe C.

Update: Yesterday my stepdaughter & I went to the MC to complete all the paperwork and make the payment, we take possession of the unit on Friday and planing the move for next Saturday. DW’s ex-husband is much higher functioning than DW so my stepdaughter opted to just be honest with him about our plans. She told him, “Joe & I need your help taking care of Mom so I am moving you to another facility to be with her”, his response was “anything for your mother, when can we move”. Hopefully everything keeps moving forward in a positive manner.

M1

Joe will be thinking about you and Beachfan this week.  I can only imagine the emotions you must both be going through.  Everyone here is rooting for both of you as you take this next step

ButterflyWings

Wishing each of you and your families plus extended families the best! Joe and Beachfan, you have provided me with so much support and inspiration as extraordinary caregivers. I am sending you all the positive energy and blessings for successful outcomes for your latest wise decisions.

Brilliant plan Joe! I hope it unfolds even more smoothly than expected.

abc123

Dear Joe C. & Beachfan, please know you are both in my thoughts and prayers. I am hoping for the very best for you and your loved one.

French

Joe, beachfan,

I will think to you this end of week and will be happy to have news.

Here, we just decided that the D-day will be December 26th. My partner wants to go back to Tunisia. The last week was chaotic and he feels secured there. It is his decision. I will inform his family this week.

Just Ro

Great plan! One of things I worry most about since placing DH last week is him being lonely.  With placing your DW and her ex together, you won’t have to worry about that and that will be a big relief for you, Joe.

jmlarue

Everyone has been so good about validating your plans that I am reluctant to say that I have a reservation. Perhaps this issue has been acknowledged and addressed - what circumstances led to these two deciding they no longer wished to be together in the first place? Is there any possibility of ugly behaviors by either one being resurrected when they are back in 24/7 365 contact again? I hope this all goes well, but I wonder if they might have been better served if they were in the same facility, but had separate living quarters. Just a thought.

Joe C.

jmlarue, Their breakup was more about individual personal issues that they themselves needed to address and were not able to do so while together. I can honestly says that in the 36+ years DW & I have been together that never heard here utter an ill word towards her ex. For his part, I have believed for the past 20 years that her ex-husband still loved or at least deeply care about DW based on conversation the two of us have had. My stepdaughter & I have not been pollyanna’s about this and fully recognized that this could blowup in our faces but we both believe the possible benefits make that a risk worth taking. If it doesn’t work out we will have to develop a Plan B.

jmlarue

I hope, as you do, that this will work for everyone's benefit.

Jo C.

Dear Joe; so glad all is moving forward; what a great job you and your step-daughter have done.  May this be as truly a marvelous a solution as it sounds.

Beachfan; tomorrow is "move" day; my thoughts will be with you.   May the transition move go smoothly and may your heart be at peace; it is not an easy change for most of us, not only do our LOs have an adaptation period, we caregivers also have a period of adaptation for ourselves too.

You are both exceptional people with deep caring and have both gone the extra mile in every way you could. You are still caregivers; just in a different sort of way and you will now have some breathing space to recoup.

With warm thoughts and prayers for you both,

J.

JJAz

Joe,

You're amazing how you put your wife's needs and her family's needs ahead of any discomfort surrounding her ex-husband.  Amazing.  Thinking of you during this difficult time.

Jamie

SSHarkey

Just WOW! As the daughter of parents who had dementia and now the spouse of a husband with dementia, I can physically feel the relief of knowing I had a team of people helping me with the care and planning! What an exceptional experience for everyone involved! Well done!!!

pluviophile

I think it is a great idea.  I would be very surprised if any memory care facility had a problem with this.  I've seen spouses that have no need to live in memory care or assisted living move into mc with the spouse who does have dementia.  It might be so helpful that they live with someone familiar. 

If at some point it is not working well for them, then changes could be made.  

Shevie

New to forum, hi to all!  Joe, ditto to all the positive feedback and a wonderful idea for your DW and her EX. Best of luck.