I, too, have lost my love...

Keep It 100

I am saddened every time I visit this site--the loss, the suffering...it is all too much for me at times. As things got very bad for my husband over the past year, I couldn't muster the mental energy to visit here too often. My love, Ray, passed away last Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving. His final weeks were nothing short of brutal. 

I could barely get together his obit, and thankfully have a friend who was able to assist. I am sharing it here. Ray had a beautiful life:

Ray Wells passed away in the early morning of November 24, 2021 at the age of 61.  He is remembered as a devoted and loving husband, a proud father, and most of all, as a dear friend to all. With a twinkle in his eye and permanent smile on his face, his personality would light up a room with love and laughter.  Ray was born in Washington D.C., graduated from Ohio University in 1982, and immediately moved to Pasadena, California. Fitting of his warm, outgoing personality, he first tried his hand at acting.  He ultimately enjoyed a successful 30-year career in real estate, devoting his energy to not only his clients, but to mentoring others.  He managed offices, served the Pasadena-area MLS board on numerous committees including the role of President, and served as a representative for the California Association of Realtors. For many years he joyfully ran the weekly Pasadena Realtor MLS caravan meeting, where he delighted everyone with his quick wit and natural stand-up humor, and where, in 2002, he met the love of his life, his wife, May. Ray played tennis most of his life, and was known among the tennis community for his great skill and competitive drive to win, which blended with an ever-present courteous sportsmanship—a combination that made him an absolute joy to play with and against. He formed many long and deep friendships on the courts and with those friends enjoyed many tournament championships. His boisterous holler on the court—delivered in response to his own errors--will not soon be forgotten.  Known affectionately by his wife as an “energizer bunny,” Ray was heavily involved in his community as a member of Rotary Club, San Gabriel Chamber of Commerce, San Marino Chamber of Commerce, San Marino Tennis Foundation, Church of Our Savior, Boy Scouts, PTA and San Gabriel Educational Foundation. He also completed ten Pasadena and LA Marathons. When Ray was diagnosed with young-onset Alzheimer’s disease in May 2016, he and his wife, May, became passionate advocates for Alzheimer’s research, choosing to go public with his diagnosis so that he could educate people and help secure a future where others will not suffer his fate.  In his role as advocate he proudly threw out a ceremonial first pitch at Dodger Stadium, raised tens of thousands of dollars for the Alzheimer’s Association through his Walks to End Alz, met with Congressional representatives in Washington D.C. as an Alzheimer’s Association Ambassador, made numerous television appearances and participated in a drug trial. While he was aware that this disease was aggressive and would take him early, he had a great desire to help others while he could so that his suffering would not be in vain. Despite that knowledge, he was an eternal optimist, and maintained hope that he could perhaps be the first to survive this insidious disease.  Ray is survived by his wife May, his two children Page and John, his two step-children Madeline and Andrew, and countless beloved friends.  You can honor Ray’s beautiful life and his brave battle with young-onset Alzheimer’s Disease by making a donation to the Alzheimer’s Association @ Alz.org. A celebration of his life will be held in Pasadena, California early in 2022 with details to be announced. 

Stuck in the middle

I'm sorry, May.  You are far too young for this.

Just Ro

I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved husband.

caberr

I am so sorry for your loss

60 falcon

I'm sorry for your loss, May.  My thoughts are with you and your family.

Jeff86

Heartfelt condolences to you on your dear Ray’s passing.  His suffering is over, and I hope your healing begins soon.  May your memories be a blessing, and may you find peace in the weeks and months ahead.

M1

That's a wonderful obituary May, thanks for sharing it. I'm sorry for your loss.

Nowhere

I remember you. You’ve been such a support for your husband through his illness. So sad to learn of your difficult year and your husband’s passing.This disease is a ravager! Keep on surviving even though your heart is broken.  May Ray rest in peace and may you reclaim yours. Deepest condolences.

Iris L.

I am so sorry!  He was too young!  Please accept my condolences in the loss of your dear husband.

Iris L.

Jo C.

Dear May; I am so very, very sorry.   Thank you for the obituary; it is an amazing writing of love; what a personality he had!  His was a life well-lived and the two of you were an amazing pair together.

I so remember how complete an advocate you were for Ray, and no one could have done better; you were truly wonderful through all that happened and you made a huge difference to the quality of his life.

May peace, solace and comfort find you soon in this very deep loss.

With warmest of thoughts being sent your way,

J.

Mint

May I am so sorry for your loss.

LadyTexan

Dear May,

I am so very sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing Ray's obit. What a well lived life. When Alzheimer's entered the picture, he used his energy to benefit others. What a selfless gift to us from both of you. You have helped so many here. I am thankful to you and Ray.

May God comfort you and bring you peace. Please rest and take care of you.

God bless you.

-LT

White Crane

May,  your dear Ray sounds like he was a wonderful husband, father, and friend.  I am so sorry for your loss and pray that all those wonderful memories along with your children and friends help you to heal and find peace in the coming months.  My prayers are with you.

Doityourselfer

I'm sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself.

Ed1937

I have been wondering about you. What a fantastic obit! I'm sorry for your loss, but I hope the memories of a well lived life can support your healing. You have always been there for him, and he was very lucky to have you by his side.

I cab understand why you wouldn't want to come here, but whenever you feel like dropping in, please do, and let us know how you are doing.

ButterflyWings

Dear May,

I am so sorry for the loss of your dear husband. The silver lining, we know, is that the nightmare of daily life with this disease is over. I have thought about you and so appreciate the wisdom, camaraderie  and support you shared here. I’ve been away from posting more than not also lately - in the trenches - so I do understand. 

Bless you for the love and great care you gave your beloved Ray, and the incredible example you both have set in the fight for compassionate care, justice, and a cure. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful tribute. Peace and blessings to you as you navigate stage 8 into a new normal, which I pray will be full of love and light in time.

We are here if you want to drop by any time. Be well. 

Beachfan

I, too, remember you and often wondered how you and DH were doing.  I specifically recall how amazing it was that Ray could still play tennis as his Alz. progressed.  Your tribute to Ray via his touching obituary is wonderful.  Thank you for sharing.  I pray for peace and healing for you moving forward.

Sarai

I am so deeply sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing Ray's beautiful obituary.  Prayers for you.

Michael Ellenbogen

I am so sorry to hear about this. He was a good person. When you get back on your feet I would love to know more about the last year. Please reach out to me as I think you have my contact information. So sorry for the loss.

Marie58

I understand taking a break from this site as there is so much sadness, like you said.  I was away for a while but recently came back due to DH's rapid decline, and feeling like I had new questions and needed more support emotionally. 

I remember you as well, and often felt our DH's shared some things in common.  Mainly the energizer bunny part!! 

I'm so sorry for your loss.  His tribute was beautiful and I know you have many wonderful memories.  May God grant you peace, strength, and comfort in the days, weeks and months ahead.  Blessings to you!

SSHarkey

I am so sorry. It just doesn’t seem that long since you became part of us. Praying for you and your family during this season.

BethL

He sounds like such a wonderful person! I'm sorry you, Ray and your family had to go through this brutal journey. May you find peace and comfort in faith, family and friends.

David J

May, my condolences on Ray’s passing. This awful disease takes the best of us.

Joe C.

May, I am very sorry to learn of the loss of you husband. May you find some peace in the days ahead.

EdiBug

My heart is raw for you, May. This disease is heartbreaking on so many levels and especially so with EOAD. I lost my husband in June so I know how hard this newness of loss is. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers that your memories will sustain you in this season of sadness. Edi

Joydean

May God bless you and your family now and forever. I wish you peace and healing for you and your family. God bless you! 

ladyzetta

Dear May,   Thank You for sharing the obit. it was beautiful. Ray sounds like a very warming caring person. Please take care of yourself. Hugs Zetta

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Lane Simonian

I am sad that you have lost your husband, May.  You were both very good advocates.  I admired your love and care for Ray.  His personality and nature were well-captured in the obituary.  My deepest condolences to you.

harshedbuzz

I am very sorry for your loss.

piozam13

May,

I was wondering about you.  I have learned from you and missed your posts. I'm sorry for your loss.  I too lost my DH and can relate to your pain.

Turn your attention to yourself.   Be healthy and fit.