Times when you decide to laugh instead of cry

billS

Ever have those times when you could go either way, either get frustrated at your spouse or else (hopefully) just laugh it off? Recently I've been able to laugh off some of my wife's head-scratching behaviors instead of getting mad. I like myself better when I can do that.

Recently she has trouble dressing, always putting on her shoes before her pants, putting on multiple pairs of socks and wondering why her shoes are too tight, or putting a different kind of shoe on each foot. Today's head scratcher was sitting in front of the heater warming her stocking feet, then trying to put gloves on over the socks. I decided oh well, no harm no foul, at least it keeps her mind busy while am cooking dinner. 

M1

We don't have dressing issues yet Bill, but I get tickled when my partner continually tries to make telephone calls with the TV remote. We also have a nightly rehearsal of how many pets there are (one dog, three cats), where they are, where they sleep, and whether they've been fed.

We're about fifty/sixty miles from the devastating tornado track of last week, and it's been touching this week to watch her be so eager to help (in her former life, she truly could have and would have). Doesn't realize a bit that she no longer has that capacity. Sweet and sad simultaneously.

RobertsBrown

Hey Bills,

I am with you all the way.  There are four ways to put on a pair of pants, and at our house it all comes down to luck.  When she walks in with her jeans on inside out, but forward, seams sticking out, floppy white pockets, and complaining that the zipper is 'crap'.  I am not even sure how she managed the button, but there she stands...oblivious to the incongruities.

Tonight was flashlights.  I hand her a flashlight, turned on, and she promptly turns it so it's shining directly in her face, starts walking and complains that she can't see.  I show her to point the light at the ground.  She says 'I get it' and then turns it off leaving us both in pitch black.  this goes on with variations for the whole trip to the barn and back, and I am inventing some new emotion that seems to combine mirth with frustration with outrage, and chagrin at the absurdity of hope.

Not quite losing my mind, but starting to see what it looks like.

ButterflyWings

billS- how did you know? OH yeah. Daily.  Like 3a.m. conversations that go like this. 

Me: (sound asleep)

DH: So did you have breakfast (or dinner) yet? 

Me: (Show him the time) It’s not morning yet. Too early to wake up & eat.

Then the “who’s on first” game starts, with 10 minutes of him trying to chat up a sleeping wife, mistaking everything I say for something else...asking me if that’s what I said (Me: No dear, I said let’s wait til the sun comes up (not ‘our son got up?’—note: we don’t have a son)) etc., etc.

Still hoping to go right back to sleep, I do a wellness check just to be sure. Is he hungry? He says not really. Pause. (Holding my breath). It starts again: “Is breakfast ready yet?”

Groggy, I give in, get up, fix a quick fresh fruit & granola bar snack for bkfst in bed. Often, as soon as I leave the room so does DH, so I have to quickly  redirect to coordinate the bathroom break or deal with the mess later. At 4:30 today I lucked out with his cooperative attitude for quick clean & change of pull-ups/briefs (Yay).

So...We just finished this routine. Nice banana, applesauce & breakfast bar and I help him clean the dribbles from the corner of his mouth. It’s now 4:45 a.m. Maybe it will hold him and we can both get back to sleep for a couple of hours. 

HA! Before I can even turn the lamp off, DH pipes up again: “So did you fix breakfast yet?”

June45

I don't have any interesting stories about dressing either because my husband doesn't even try to dress himself. He has no clue what to do in regards to that ADL.  But I still giggle when I think back on a stage he went through for months when he thought we had an Olympic swimming pool in our garage -- we have no pool at all.  He kept telling me he had to talk to the guys in the lifeguard shack in our backyard about getting some goggles and a new Speedo suit. (He was on swim team in HS and college.)

Crushed

I've told this story before but it is still funny

DW at breakfast  Did I have sex last night ? 

Me YES

DW Was it with you ? 
Me YES  
DW  Good, I was worried  

 
 

abc123

M1, just so ya know....I have tried to make a call using the tv remote....more than once!

Crushed, I like your story best!

I'm going to share mine from 3 years ago. Its Thanksgiving Eve, I'm bouncing around the kitchen, doing prep work, chopping onions, bell peppers, pulling out pots, etc.

Mom- sitting at the kitchen table, watching. What are you doing???

Me-It's Thanksgiving mom, I'm cooking.

Mom-(in a loud angry voice) Well! I wish someone had told me! What am I supposed to F--king wear?

Merry Christmas ya'll!

billS

Crushed wrote:

I've told this story before but it is still funny

DW at breakfast  Did I have sex last night ? 

Me YES

DW Was it with you ? 
Me YES  
DW  Good, I was worried  

 
 

Priceless! I remember an old TV show called "Kids say the darndest things" Art Linkletter maybe? Anyway someone could update that to "Dementia patients say the darndest things."

Crushed

We were in Hawaii at the Aloha Stadium flea market looking at costume jewelry

DW I cant buy anything I don't have any money 

  Me  I have your money
 DW You do ?  
 Me Yes I always carry your money for you!
DW  That is very nice of you



DW comes into the kitchen "I'm Hungry"

Me   We are having chicken

DW How long will that take ?

Me About a minute  ( it was just done)

DW  WOW 
 
  
DW struggling to get a bra on 
 
Me  Can I help ? 
DW you are only good at taking it off

Lots more like this 
  

  

Gig Harbor

I have read your stories and have laughed at the absurdity of what your LO’s say but inside I am crying and terrified. My husband is confused but not quite to the level of your spouses and I don’t think I will be able to handle it when he is. Nights without sleep and endless hours of redressing him and answering the same questions sound insurmountable. 5 years ago I figured he would be home for 3 years and then would likely need placement. Now I think he maybe has one more year at home but who knows. Part of my problem is I have pretty much always taken care of everything involved with running the house. I kept track of what needed to be done as far as repairs and he did some of them but I ran the house. He has been retired for 21 years and had lots of free time while I worked (12 year age difference). I know I will never have that amount of free time nor will I have someone look after me and help me manage things so there is resentment there. Honestly I will probably consider placement sooner rather than later just for my own health and sanity. This makes me sound selfish but there it is. You are all heroes.

FTDCaregiver

LOL - Thanks for these posts.  The other day I woke to see my wife (she has early onset FTD), standing at our bedside looking like the stay-puff marshmellow man wrapped in several layers of sweaters, pants shirts.  I just roared with laughter, she just smiled. I used to get a bit upset, wanting to make it right, but I've learned I need to adjust my view of what's normal to better fit the condition she lives in every day.  I've come to realize that changing clothes throughout the day for her, is normal and seems a healthy way for her to cope with her anxiety. I call these fashion shows sometimes we dig in the closet together now..lol.

Ed1937

Gig Harbor wrote:

Honestly I will probably consider placement sooner rather than later just for my own health and sanity. This makes me sound selfish but there it is. 

It doesn't sound selfish to me. I'd say it sounds smart. There's not much you can do for him, but there is something you can do for you.

Ed1937

This is a good thread, Bills. Keep smiling!!

Beachfan

Ed1937 wrote:

Gig Harbor wrote:

Honestly I will probably consider placement sooner rather than later just for my own health and sanity. This makes me sound selfish but there it is. 

It doesn't sound selfish to me. I'd say it sounds smart. There's not much you can do for him, but there is something you can do for you.

Gig and Ed,

This is precisely what happened in our house.  I placed DH five weeks ago tomorrow, more for me than for him.  I wanted my life back, the kids wanted their mom back, the grands wanted Mimi back.  Selfish- -? Guilty as charged, but happy, sleeping well, watching the kids’ sporting events and concerts, no longer walking on eggshells.  DH knows none of us; we come and go with no reaction/interaction.  He is well cared for, content, and our lives go on.  Sad, not what we had planned, but as you said, Gig, there it is.  

Crushed

A few more

DW This spaghetti looks very bad  (shows me bowl) 
Me    That's because it's shoelaces
DW   So we don't have to eat it ? 
Me     NO 

DW Good

DW My camera is not working  
Me   I have to turn it on 
DW  Do you have to do that every time ?
Me   Yes 
DW  That is a lot of work    
   
 Me (In London)  We are going to a comedy club in a gay bar
DW Will they have a ladies room ? 
 

We were at the Improv in LA  on "mo Bettah night" which is the African American comedy night .  DW looked at the audience, We were distinctly the minority 
DW  Are we in the right place ? This crowd is so.....YOUNG
 The black couple at our table almost fell off their chairs laughing and bought all the soft drinks we had that evening. 

  

 
   

Joydean

Sometimes my DH takes a shower, sometimes not. I keep his hair cut really short. Last night when he got out of shower I asked him did you wash your hair, he said I couldn’t find it. It is what it is! 

Farm Gal

Okay, Bill$,  

I will tell you that the other evening as I was removing my underpants I realized I had them on backwards and inside out all day and I can't county the number of times I used my car keyfob to try to unlock the front door.  And I won't even go into the funnies from my sweetie pie --who does have Alzheimer's.

Thanks for the chuckles.  

billS

Farm Gal wrote:

Okay, Bill$,  

I will tell you that the other evening as I was removing my underpants I realized I had them on backwards and inside out all day and I can't county the number of times I used my car keyfob to try to unlock the front door.  And I won't even go into the funnies from my sweetie pie --who does have Alzheimer's.

Thanks for the chuckles.  

Ha ha, OK fair enough, I do my share of bonehead moves too! But today after having my wife help me pick up orchard prunings and carry them to a pile for chipping I happened to look in the back seat of the car and saw she had put a big handful in there. ??? Ok, again no harm done and easily remedied! Just one more daily head scratcher.

White Crane

BillS,  thank you for starting this thread.  I don't have any funny stories to add but I sure did need a smile and maybe a giggle this morning.

Marie58

Earlier in this journey when DH was still pretty good with ADLs and I was still working, I ran in the house after work to get him and go to the doctor. I don't remember why but he had to take his shirt off as part of the exam. He had 3 undershirts under his button down shirt! We had a good laugh, especially as I tried to stuff 2 of the undershirts into my not very big purse before we left the exam room.

1934

I need to dress and undress my wife. When I need to kneel on the floor to pull her pants down, she always asks me "Are you praying?". And I always answer "Yes, praying I can get up." (and it is difficult).

When I try to explain to her who I am, I tell her we have been married 57 years and she always says "that's a long time".

terei

When my mom was at stage 5-6 + still walking, but was mostly non verbal except for nodding or shaking her head ‘no’,   I took her with me to Walgreens.   She and a young man employee met in an aisle in front of me + both proceeded to first step one way + then the other a few times to avoid each other, succeeding in blocking each other every time, as sometimes happens.

My mother smiled at him and said ‘Shall we dance?’. We all three laughed, me most of all, because I knew this was her lifelong way of gently flirting with men.   I think it may have been the last time I heard her speak that many words.

June45

1934 wrote:

I need to dress and undress my wife. When I need to kneel on the floor to pull her pants down, she always asks me "Are you praying?". And I always answer "Yes, praying I can get up." (and it is difficult).

When I try to explain to her who I am, I tell her we have been married 57 years and she always says "that's a long time".

1934, I just noticed this is your first post.  Welcome to the forum. Yes, I also "pray" that I can get back up several times a day!

JulieB46

My DH has early onset ALZ, and only recently has had trouble dressing, but it isn’t what I extrovert see. He has the right clothing, but several pairs of jeans, several shirts and undershirts all laid out on our bed.  It takes him 20 to 30 minutes to dress every day.

Arrowhead

I enjoy posting the following conversation so if you've read it before, please forgive me. 

This conversation happened some time ago between my wife of 44 years and me. 

Her: I can’t find him.

Me: Can’t find who?

Her: Your husband

Me: My husband?

Her: Yes, your husband.

Me: I’m not gay

Her: You’re not?

billS

Several times a day-

Her: sputtering and stuttering, trying to find words but unable to come out with anything but a couple of sentence fragments.

Me: "I'm sorry dear, I just can't understand what you are trying to say"

Her: "That's OK, neither can I."

Elshack

My DH Moderate Dementia does not like to take a shower. He used to be a fastitious person who showered daily. I have found that if I have him sign a paper that he will shower the next day that he usually will allow me to  give him a shower. One day I showed him the paper he had signed re: taking a shower and with a glint in his eye, he said, "You forged my signature! " Recently he has written next to the note to take a shower....IF NEEDED!

arizonadianne

I laughed till I cried when I read this, thanks for sharing this!

miamvp

I've always told my family and friends, "You can't make this stuff up"  -  it's so ridiculous sometimes that I can't even put it into words to try to repeat what crazy conversations happen in our house!! Thanks to everyone for sharing, these really gave me a chuckle, which is always very much appreciated at this point in time!  Better to laugh than to cry...

Pat6177

A couple of weeks ago, I had cooked quinoa spaghetti to try it and served it with shrimp creole. Just in case my DH didn’t like it, I put the shrimp creole to the side of the spaghetti. Well, DH did not like the bare spaghetti. Though I tried to explain he could mix the two together, he got up to get “the red stuff” - catsup - and put that on the spaghetti. He was so proud of himself. I really struggled with being insulted after I had put out the effort to cook. But managed to stick with the humorous perspective! And he ate the whole thing, shrimp creole, quinoa spaghetti and catsup!

CStrope

I had my sister in stitches the other day telling her about my attempt at a discussion with DH that just turned into a "Who's on First".  DH has always had an unnecessarily large library of WWII books, along with other topics.  Over the past couple of months he has decided he needs to pare down what he keeps, and has been getting rid of a substantial number of titles.  For a while, he was sure they were going to make him money when taking them to the used book store.....NOT.  So I've convinced him that just putting them at our local library for donation to the public is best.  On Saturday our conversation went like this

DH: I have a bunch of them to take to the place

ME:  Books?  for the Library?

DH:  Yes. Can we go

ME: yes, but I'm in the middle of something, can we go later

DH: I'll put them back

ME: back where?  downstairs?

DH: why are you asking me that

ME: I thought you were going to donate these to the library

DH:  I am

ME: Then why are you putting them back

DH: Back where?

ME: What do you want to do with these books, do you want to donate them?

DH: I guess

ME: So if we're going to take them to the library, just leave them here in the kitchen, and we'll take them.  Why would you want to put them back?  Do you mean put them back onto the shelves downstairs?

DH: what are you talking about.

This continued for almost 15 minutes until I finally just said, put the books in the car we're going to the library.