Dementia Divorce and Adult Step

Quilting brings calm

Helen… I hope your lawyer was able  to negotiate a fair divorce settlement for you.  Since you were not able to keep the house.  It sounds like your former step sons plan on selling the home for the equity.  The joke is on them because they will need to use that money to provide for their father’s care, or at least a new home for him.  They will not be able to request Medicaid for him until they have proved they spent the money on his care. The divorce settlement will show what assets your ex husband had at the time of the divorce.   While you are now assured that your retirement money will go for your own care and not your ex husbands. 

I know you are emotionally devastated by all this.  I think you need to stop calling your  ex spouse and stop answering his calls unless you have someone with you. This is for your own legal protection.  If your former step children went to the extremes of a guardian ad litem to get the two of you divorced, they won’t think twice of accusing you of elder abuse if you keep communicating with your ex-husband- if they didn’t already during the court case. 

You cannot help your ex spouse now, no matter how much you try.  The court has spoken.  Please use this time to get some therapy and rest.  Maybe relocate to somewhere that doesn’t hold devastating memories for you.  

CaregiverHelen

Yes. I did try a bit of counseling before, and my siblings have really been amazing with supporting me. I will seek out this counselor again as I begin a new life.  These final recent events have just been so devastating when you’ve always prided yourself on giving your loved one the best possible care and devotion, despite the  dementia care challenges we all face. Thanks for your support.

abc123

Just checking in. Helen you are in my prayers and thoughts.

CaregiverHelen

Thank you for your positive thoughts. There are such wonderful people here on this site. I really appreciate all of your kindness and support.

CaregiverHelen

I just wanted to check back in with all of you that have been so supportive. After just three weeks of caring for my now ex husband, guess what? The POA stepson put my husband into a nursing home!! Just what he claimed to the Guardian Ad Litem that I would do…That was his constant lie. He said caring for his father was ruining his health and his marriage. No other stepadult came forward to help. They scammed the Guardian Ad Litem by saying that “the whole family was going to take care of him at home. The wife was just one person.” Total scam to get the house and his assets. They might use his money to say they are “remodeling it” for him…but he doesn’t even want to live there with his son and his dogs and little kids. My ex hates being in a nursing home, and now the stepson made sure he is drugged up on Seroquel to keep him sedated. My ex-husband could never tolerate that drug very well. He’s fallen out of bed and hit his head twice on a metal radiator, gets no exercise and is alone most of the time, and is now skin and bones. I really think his kids want him to die as soon as possible. I feel like filing an article 81 to save him, or at least get a neutral guardian in place that will make sure all his funds get used for HIS care. The son is charging up his Anex card for his own use. My ex gets about $14,000 in disability payments each month. Such a tragedy. I do visit him, but he keeps asking when he can “go home again with his wife.”

Ed1937

Such a tragedy. Thanks for the update. That didn't take long at all.

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SNR

I am wondering what was the symptom that gave you the understanding that you had something different going on.  I was diagnosed a month ago.  I finally allowed myself to realize that I just could not remember…where I put something,  was probably the thing that I admitted to.

Paris20

CaregiverHelen, your story is heartbreaking. A friend of mine, whose husband died of AD, had terrible problems with her three stepchildren. Despite the fact that they never visited their dying father they inherited 90% of his estate. They actually tried to contest the 10% my friend inherited but her attorney scared them out of it. Children may be adults but some never become grown-ups.

ButterflyWings

(((CGHelen))) - I had so hoped your selfish steps would not get away with this. And as suspected, they didn't even hide their greedy hands very long. Terribly wrong. I definitely would file whatever is possible to put their dishonest behavior on record. Maybe there is some recourse after all.

OrganizerBecky

I can't help but wonder if Adult Protective Services shouldn't be notified. Both for the financial and physical abuse/neglect. I am so, so, so sorry you've been through this.