Taking mom's computer away & obsessed with her money

harshedbuzz

ST_niece wrote:

 Does she use the computer for anything other than banking? Like reading news, emailing, etc? If so (sorry!), I think maybe it would be good for her cognition to keep it. But only if you can block the bank’s website.

I'm Team Safety First. My dad day-traded away $350,000+ in the early/midstages of the disease. Having access to a computer sure didn't improve his cognition or decision-making skills.

Any positive that might be gained via computer can be gained in a safer manner.

The problem with email is that she would easily fall into the trap of scammers phishing for personal information via email asking for verification of an invoice for something she didn't order or asking for security verification to unfreeze an account shut down due to unusual activity and inviting her to "click here". 

She could call friends. She could take a daily paper or a weekly news magazine or watch her local station for news and weather. 

Fairyland

Victoria2020 wrote:

Fairyland-

Paying things multiple times is very possible- with no memory of any of them. Letting her out alone with access to money is like leaving her wallet on a bus bench .

 Your desired slush fund may be a dream if she loses her money.And she'd be prey to scammers-- buying things for the next person in line etc.

In my experience there is no more learning possible, there are good days and bad days but never dependable days.

Added- from your profile- I think she is at MC level vs AL for most homes

Hi the Truelink is prepaid and completely controlled online by me and only has what I put on it, yes it can get lost or she might be taken advantage of, but it then only loses what’s on it. I am alerted at every spend over an amount I have set so I will see if it is being used somewhere strange. I don’t advocate giving people money who will lose it at all, but mom will be thinking about going out for meals and to shops occasionally with the assisted living community (they take them in a minivan to stores) and with her sister in law. She may or may not go out ever again, in reality, but if she does, she has a card I control, with a small amount of money on it, not a normal debit or credit card in her wallet. I don’t work for Truelink  it’s early days in testing it, and agree it is only a temporary solution. 

My mom is not diagnosed, and is not going to be referred by the PCP until she gets worse, it seems. I agree she is impaired, however there is no way I will get her to move directly into memory care, it will be hard enough to achieve a move to assisted living. The place does go all the way through so in theory they can progress her later (or sooner!).  I’m pretty sure this isn’t their first rodeo with that. 

I do feel that there is a disconnect here between what people report are the boundaries between assisted living and memory care, and what I am being told by the marketing people.  I trust people here much more, but on the other hand mom appears to be competent to anyone who speaks to her. She definitely knows what the implications of memory care are and will not go along with it.

This doesn’t address the computer use etc for the OP at all, just giving my own experience with certain money issues.

I also blocked all calls on Landline with Telecalm and can see who calls, in case it’s legit (hardly ever), on cellphone by stopping it ringing and disappearing it. I made everything paperless as much as possible and redirected the remaining mail to her SIL who gives it to me, and next will be setting up a ”travelling mailbox” so I can see what comes in and deal with stray bills from the old fashioned dentist etc. Yes she did pay bills and charities multiple times when trying to deal with the former mountain of mail. She gets the junk to occupier mail now only to look at, and hopefully that will stop or reduce by moving to assisted living.

Hi 

Iowa Farm Wife

Mom does not use her computer for anything other than checking her bank accounts. Since I took the computer away she was asking repeatedly about it but now it's been over three weeks and she is asking for it less. Today my sister and I saw her and she didn't ask either one of us about it.  So fingers crossed she has forgotten about it.

harshedbuzz

Iowa Farm Wife wrote:

Since I took the computer away she was asking repeatedly about it but now it's been over three weeks and she is asking for it less. Today my sister and I saw her and she didn't ask either one of us about it.  So fingers crossed she has forgotten about it.

It sounds like your plan is working. For many PWD, out of sight is out of mind.