Hospice guesstimates DH has 2 - 3 weeks

aod326 · April 2022

Hi LT. My heart aches for you. I felt like you, that I would be glad for the end, so he was no longer suffering. But when DH had a sharp decline in one day where hospice said it was probably his last 24 hours, I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. He actually lived a further six days. After three days of expecting him to pass and even everyone making sure he knew it was fine to let go, I was gripped with sudden fear, panic and grief. I asked everyone else to step out of the room for some time alone with him and utterly sobbed. I said to him that I knew I was supposed to say it was fine for him to let go, but that I didn't want him to leave me.

Who knows if he could hear anything - all the "you can let go"s, or the "don't go". Honestly the day I said that, I felt his essence totally left and that it was just the shell of his body. He lived another four days and when he died, I felt utterly bereft.

Thursday will be a year, and for the last several days I feel like I've been reliving his final week minute by minute.

My only advice, which I've mostly been able to follow myself, is to feel whatever you feel. There is no right or wrong way to feel, including if you feel a mixture of both relief and grief at the same time. Whatever you feel, is appropriate for you.

Please accept my biggest hug.