gets worse and worse

M1

OMG.  Now on top of everything else, the treating psych who made all the medication errors and whom I have asked be removed from the case:  this morning on rounds she told my partner that I am the reason she can't come home.  No discussion with me at all.

Unbelievable.

DJnAZ

Your experience illustrates why the profession is called the practice of medicine. Some keep practicing yet never get it correct.

Lynne D

Unprofessional, cruel, inexcusable. I am so sorry this is happening. You have enough battles to fight.

Lills

I'm stunned.  Ditto Lynne D's thoughts!  I am writing a virtual letter to the medical board of ethics in my head as I post this!

abc123

Dear M1, is this woman insane? What will she pull next? She makes me think of a bomb waiting to go off at any moment. Your dear partner must be heartbroken over this. I’m so sad and yet furious at the same time for both of you.

June45

Sounds like retaliation.

terei

Did you directly hear her say this?  If it came from your LO, I think you might want to step back + consider the source of the information.

Ed1937

I am amazed that people like that are somehow able to hold onto any job. This has more turns than a soap opera. When will it end?

Marta

I agree with Terei:  anything your partner tells you, without verification, should be suspect.

JoseyWales

Your story reads like the script from a horror movie. I'm so sorry for everything that's happening, but with the experiences we've had over the last few years, I'm not that surprised. 

Rescue mom

It is beyond horrible. Did someone involved (not your LO)  tell you? That behavior is…no words for that, you’ve already heard or know how bad it is. If it happened, it needs to be dealt with so others don’t suffer, at the least. But you also know your partner is very angry with you, and wants you to take her home…

Jo C.

M; if your Partner was the person who told you this, please verify the facts.

Thoughts:  Could be that your Partner asked to be discharged home and the Psychiatrist made a non-commital response which your Partner misinterpreted, or the Psychiatrist may have made no response at all and your LO formatted her own thoughts as reality.   And of course, none of this may have happened at all.

You are knowledgable re Medicare criteria re psych admissions and stays.  You have gathered what little information you can from a distance.  What you are lacking is direct in-depth conversation with the involved primary parties together as  your LOs care team.

Since most or all of this has been at quite a distance and not in direct touch with the primary people involved; at this point, it may be far better for you to attend the meeting that is being requested. Not to do so does not sound as though it is in your or your Partner's best interests.

By attending and being part of the requested meeting and listening, you will garner necessary factual information and what the actual thoughts and plans are in reality.  No more guessing or assuming the worst based on fragments from bits and pieces.

Also, the professional staff needs to have that mandated re-certification meeting; when this was done for my LO, our state required a legal person from the court system to be present with the professionals on the re-cert team and myself to ensure protection of the hospitalized person's rights from an outside legal source. Don't know if your state mandates this.

From that meeting you can then begin to format any response that may be required if one is needed, (and it may not be), as well as having facts that will enable your planning for discharge to care.

GeroPsych stays of this type are usally short term, so communication and planning is key.  May such a meeting help move everything in a positive direction.

J.

Jo C.

Addendum:  Forgot to address one of your Posts.   You mention having your physician friend who is the alternate DPOA for your Partner to attend any GeroPsych Unit meetings with you.

This may not be able to be done.  Psych requirements regarding patient privacy protection is very, very strict; laws are very clear on this. 

Personally, I would prepare myself for the possible refusal for an outside person being present.  IF that person was actually the primary DPOA at this point in time, that would be different; however, this person has no legal connections at this time as you are presently the DPOA.

Just giving heads up for a possibility.

J.

DrinaJGB

I am so sorry you are going through this nightmare.

 Unfortunately, in my earlier years as an RN in psych I have run across some pretty unhinged psychiatrists---moreso than any other specialty. Sad but true.

M1

It is verified by nurse witnesses, it did in fact happen.

She is off the case, and my partner's care has been transferred to another physician, the head of geripsych.  He doesn't do a lot of clinical any more, generally runs the residency program, but had covered on the weekend and said he was more than happy to take over her care under the circumstances.

Night and day.  He called me this afternoon.  Both he and the social worker talked a long time with her this afternoon and emphasized that he is the reason she is still in the hospital.  Apparently she has already forgotten the events of the morning and according to the social worker is no longer angry with me.  We'll see, I have yet to talk to her again.  

I have filed a complaint with the board of medical examiners.  She is young and inexperienced, only licensed in this state for less than a year.  Confirmed with a pharmacy consultant this morning that in fact she does bear responsibility for all the medical errors and did not disclose, in fact apparently did not recognize them as errors.  If that's the case, they've got bigger problems than me.

The new doc tells me that my partner seems to be doing much better with resumption of her regular medical routine (surprise, surprise).  He made a point of scheduling another telephone call with me for Wednesday--this is what should have been happening all along.

Now we'll have to resume the slog to placement.  Still wish my favored facility would reconsider, but I'm not optimistic.  The second choice I saw today.  Not nearly the opportunities for engagement.  No art studio, no garden. Small bedrooms, one large common area, a very small outside area that is covered in astroturf.  Underwhelming.  I got the impression that they take the folks with behavioral problems no one else will take, and the director generally confirmed that.  She's got a solid 15-year track record though.

Quilting brings calm

I’m glad she has a new doctor and her meds are straightened out,  

Regarding the new MC - remember this does not have to be a permanent placement.  If you can get her placed and then  prove stability over several months to a year, you could then move her to a more desired placement.   

Ed1937

I'm really glad things are looking better for you. But still -- nobody should have to go through what you did. 

If your first choice doesn't reconsider, we'll hope you are pleasantly surprised at how she does in your second choice. Thanks for the update. Looks like a few prayers didn't hurt.

Jo C.

That certainly brought much light to show on everything.  Am so delighted to hear how wonderfully the new Psychiatrist is working out.  Must be a huge relief for you.

Thank goodness things are finally falling into place.  You have really been through the mill and back again.

Let us know how you are doing; hope you get a good and peaceful night's sleep tonight.

J.

Joydean

So glad your dw is finally getting her correct meds and a physician that knows what he is doing! I know this has to be a comfort for you. I hate to even think of how many other patients that other so called doctor screwed up. Hope you can get some rest tonight.

M1

My poor dog was scared to death this morning when I was yelling into the phone in my disbelief. Have to make it up to him.

Jo C.

Hm-m-m; get favorite ball or sock-pull for a little play followed by a treat and a nice tummy rub.  The dog; not you silly!   Yes,  know; I need a new sense of hummus.

This morning I was thinking how relieved I felt on your behalf.  Terrible last couple of weeks; it was like trying to nail Jell-O to the wall.  You are in good conscience taking care of business with that which may protect others from being victims of such malfeasance in the future.

New Psychiatrist appears highly competent, highly experienced and respectful of both his patient and you, her Partner.  Clarity and competency; very good.

Seems this week much time will be spent in the next step re the placement dynamics.   We will be with you in spirit as you begin that search and so hope that all goes well in that regard.

J.

M1

First choice will not reconsider.  Second place recommended kinda small and grim, not much going on, but experienced director.  Take a lot of behavioral problems with heavy medication focus, which I don't think is where she fits.  But again, not screwing up the other meds is a priority.

The remainder of choices are chains--Brookdale, NHC.  Something called Bridgeseniorliving. All look pretty slick, heavy on the marketing and decor, and a bit cookie cutter.  NHC facilities have advantage of having skilled nursing units on site, though at that point I might consider bringing her home.

So wish I could bring her home now.

I talked to her this afternoon, she is not mad at me, said (without prompting) that the doc we fired was awful.  Wants to see me.  I can visit tomorrow afternoon.  I think I can pull it off without too much triggering.  She knows she can't come home tomorrow (at least right now she does anyway).  Agreed to my bringing her some more clothes.

jfkoc

For some reason looks and food seem to be all important...go figure.

I did google and will share these;

https://www.memorycare.com/nashville-tn-facilities/ https://www.memorycarefacilities.net/assisted-living/tennessee/nashville.html        SOME OF THESE PROVIDE LICENSE # a very good thing Abes Garden already checked off your list?

M1

Suffice it to say, yes.  I don't know that I should discuss specific facilities here though, much as I would like to.

jfkoc

Agree. Probably best not to but perhaps a facility on those links might give you a lead.

Joydean

Take that sweet dog for a good run and he will be all forgiving. Might make you feel better too! Glad things are looking better for your wife.

ButterflyWings

M1 - That's more like it! I am still so sorry (p.o.'d really) that you both had to go through all that! But so very glad for the course correction. It is certainly all due to your strong advocacy and expertise. I am hopeful that in time you will be able to report back that your LO's plan B MC placement ended up being the best -- and an unexpectedly outstanding fit. You both deserve a break after this experience. Keep breathing!

M1

Well I actually got to visit today for 45 minutes, and the good news is that she can now have one visitor every day.  Today was their first visitation in two years.

What a relief to lay eyes on her and hug her.   We both only teared up when we talked about one of the little cats who is on her last legs.  She told me I should put her down.  I agree, but in the context of everything, that was the only thing that made me lose it for a minute.  Otherwise, I actually held it together.

I took clean clothes, a drawing from my grandaughter, and chicken wings from Publix (which she wasn't allowed to keep, but I told her to use them as bribes for the nurses).

She is so lost in the unfamiliar environment.  Without her scaffolding, the true severity of the dementia is even more apparent.  But it reinforces that she needs the memory care.

The good doctor actually kept his promise and called me today, says he has reinforced to her that it is his decision that she still be in the hospital and that she go to memory care.  He said she actually agreed to it in conversation and told him that she trusted him.  None of that was remembered by the time of our visit, but I am sure he will keep repeating it.

I feel like we are today where we should have been two weeks ago (on day 2 of hospitalization).

Next up:  visiting three more facilities in the next two days.

abc123

I'm happy to hear that things are finally starting to go as they should.

Beachfan

M1 wrote:

She is so lost in the unfamiliar environment.  Without her scaffolding, the true severity of the dementia is even more apparent.  But it reinforces that she needs the memory care.

M1, 

If I am understanding what you wrote, you are experiencing the same thoughts that I had when I first visited DH in his MCF. While he was at home, I spent so much time and effort in a pre-emptive mode that I couldn’t see the forest for the trees. I was astonished to see that he was much more progressed than several other residents. Over the past five months, it’s been a learning curve during which time I had to let go of, or lower a lot of my expectations.  And you are correct, it reinforces the need for memory care, for him and for me. 

I’m happy for you that you are finally getting things squared away.  I hope your upcoming MCF tours are productive.  Out of curiosity, I looked at jfkoc’s links and there seems to be a wide variety of options available. (Without naming names, one facility is reminiscent of DH’s residence- - 44 beds and dementia specific. He seems content there and I am content as well.) Best of luck going forward; again, she’s lucky to have you in her corner.  

 

Marie58

So glad things have improved!