Memory Care Placement

ChrisVoorhis

 I am in the process of placing my DW in a memory care facility. It is a very difficult thing for me as we have been married for 50 years and always together. Having said that i am seeing another side to memory care places. After visiting three in my area and noting the people there that are in her stage, they seem much more content and happy than the constant confusion at home. I of course was not there for a long time but there routine and bond among their peers seems pleasant and peaceful. I almost feel like i have denied my DW this kind of environment because it would have been unkind to her, when it seems they are much happier in this environment as it affords them companionship on their level. They don't feel stupid or under pressure to perform like everyone else. It now appears that i am the one thats going to suffer and will have the loss and not her! Crazy as that may seem, I am almost at peace seeing how she will likely blossom and not doubt get slightly better w/o the pressures and changing routines of home care. We will see but i am hoping this is so. Of course everyone may not be able to afford this level of MC but for those who can it might be a blessing for our mates with ALs.

Chris

MN Chickadee

After she finally settled in my mother thrived in MC. You are right, the pressure was dialed way back. She did finally have peers and all the stress of the house and daily life in the mainstream world was removed. She improved in some ways, and stayed steady and plateaued for a long time. It can indeed be a good decision for our LO, though you are correct it is hell for the rest of us making decisions and missing our LO at the house. I hope it goes smoothly for your wife and you are both able to relax eventually. Stopping the hands-on round the clock nursing care and going back to being just a daughter or just a spouse who visits and enjoys the time together is a blessing.

RobinNicole

Chris,

I hope your wife settles in and you can relax a bit and just enjoy visiting her and being her LO.  I have similar feelings with my mother.  We placed her over 6 weeks ago in an emergency situation of home repairs.  It was sad, and scary and I felt guilt over it, but as we have seen her learn her new routine, adapt to the new surroundings, the assistance from staff, the familiarity of other residents and her finding friends it is relieving and peaceful.  Not every day is completely smooth, but we are thrilled that in the last two weeks she tells us how nice it is there and that she likes it and its a good place for her.  Almost as if she wants us to agree and endorse it- which we do! We rave over the safety, the activities and cleanliness and the nice people there.  

I think like you mentioned they see people more like them, and that is a comfort.  At first my mom noticed a lot of the residents were old and several were in wheelchairs, but now they are just her community. And for my mom she actually talks to and comforts those further along (cannot communicate etc).  We think she may find “taking care of others” as her new responsibility.  Much like she took care of her house.  

In ways she has “improved” and I hope this plateau lasts as I almost wish we had placed her earlier.  I think she is actually enjoying her days more as she is never alone.  Wishing you and your wife a smooth transition and time to enjoy each other with less stress.