Stepadults Divorce

Stuck in the middle

Los Angeles, anything can happen.  I had APS called on my mother because she sat on the porch and read and bird watched all day (she was 87, what did they expect her to do?) and had child protective services called on my children because disabled children must be abused, I guess.  Haven't had it on my wife yet, but I'll survive it if and when.  I don't worry about it.

Please don't stress about things that might happen.  Keep your paperwork in order (including DPOAs), do your best for your LO, and let the chips fall where they may.  

CaregiverHelen

Yes. You do the best you can. But be aware that there are adult step children who repeatedly tell the most vicious lies about their father’s second or third wife. The long time caregiver. It’s all about breaking up a marriage and getting the money before their ailing dementia parent dies. At that point, their dad is too weak to fight. In this case, they also lied about “ALL caring for their dad in his home.” Never happened. GAL bought all the lies.

CaregiverHelen

Hello, dear friends. I just went back to this thread to look back on this horrible situation. Someone asked if I did file an Article 81. I did not. To make matters worse, I just lost my job after 40 years. A new CEO came on board, and decided to eliminate my position. I have now lost everything in life that I loved. My husband, my house, my job, my wonderful colleagues and my financial stability. I always prided myself on being a loving, patient caregiver, as well as a hardworking and loyal employee. All gone. At this point, there’s only one direction, and that’s up. Thank God I have two supportive siblings and some great friends. But I have to admit, this has all taken a toll on me. It’s been tough. So my heart goes out to all the dedicated caregivers on this site who remain the unsung heroes in someone’s life. My ex-step is preventing me from seeing my ex husband now. He says he’s “recovering” from m an unknown surgery. Hubby always enjoyed my visits so much, and would even kiss my hand. Please pray for me as I struggle to find a new beginning and a new world of happiness. I feel so battle-worn, and at 69, it can be tough. Thank you.

Buggsroo

Helen,

An awful wrong has been done to you and for that I am really sorry. People can be so ugly. I recommend you seek out some counselling to try and heal from this horrible experience. It would be nice to watch one’s enemies bodies float by but life isn’t like that. I wish you healing and a better rest of your life.

Jo C.

Helen, I am truly deeply sorry for what has happened on so many levels.  You will be remembered in prayers and I so hope that this blank slate will permit you to make moves forward that eventually will become a blessing to you.  Letting go will now be a best practice as you move forward to create your new life. So hope you soon find new supportive friends and reach out to support groups; perhaps joining a church and/or other groups; meeting new people may be helpful in opening new doors for you to walk through for far better experiences.  You can let go of the old; that is all gone now and has been for a long time.  It will be up to you to no longer give those other people control over your emotional life.  You are you and deserve so much better and I am confident that you will be able to move forward now little by little.   I sincerely wish you the very best that can be and am so glad you have good supportive people in your life.

Let us know how you are doing, we will be thinking of you and we care.

J.

dayn2nite2

Helen, I'm sorry your job was eliminated.  I am glad, however, that you didn't sink your money into a guardianship fight you surely would have lost.

If the steps aren't allowing you to see him, you must accept this and turn your back.  It isn't likely they will inform you of anything having to do with him, including his death, you I would advise concentrating on making the rest of your life as full and happy as you can.  The person you were married to was gone before you were divorced, and your future is ahead of you.  I'm glad you have supportive people around you to help you through this.

Ed1937

It's great that you have people who are close to you. I'm really sorry things have taken the turn they did. I think the most important thing you can do now might be to just not have any contact with those who have been giving a problem for a long time. You have to accept the idea that these people will not give you an inch without a huge fight. It just isn't worth hanging onto something like that, as hard as it might be to let go. I'm praying that you find a new life that will be more kind to you.

CaregiverHelen

Yes, I have, thank you. Feels good until you get home and face a new reality. I just need to work harder on how I respond to things. I was always a sentimental softie, thinking good will come to you if you are good to others, but sometimes it just doesn’t work out that way. I will keep trying, though! Thank you.

CaregiverHelen

Thank you. To update my supportive online friends here, I found out my dear ex husband fell at the assisted living facility and broke his hip. They would not take him back. He is at his sister’s home being cared for only by aides. Not his kids. Hospice care as well. His older sister had money…they put her in an assisted living facility. The location is a secret. They broke up these two older siblings that came here in the 60’s together as immigrants. They will both die sooner without each other now. Steps prevented me from seeing hubby for two months. I filed a motion “per se” and represented myself, and won!  Snake Guardian Ad Litem lies to the judge that he never told me to file an Article 81. Creepy lawyer son represented his POA brother (conflict of interest???) and just repeated his brother’s lies. 

At least I can see hubby before he dies. His greatest fears came true. He never got to stay in his own home with me caring for him. I hope Karma for his evil kids is real. They rarely see him.

Ed1937

You absolutely did your best. Congrats on the win. I'm glad you will be able to visit, but sorry things turned out the way they did.

Leaderoftheband

So very sorry.  You did all you can do.

CaregiverHelen

Thank you, Ed. You’ve been very supportive throughout my long ordeal. I appreciate your thoughts. Folks are all so wonderful here. Venting on this site helps so much when you are alone. I finally was able to see my hubby today (he’s still that to me!) after three months of the POA stepson denying me. Sadly, I don’t think he has too much longer. When I whispered in his ear, he smiled, and puckered up for a kiss! Otherwise, no speech, eyes mostly closed and so very thin and gaunt and weak. Big change from when I was caring for him at home just a few months ago. I do take solace in the fact he NEVER told me he wanted a divorce, and refused to sign the papers. GAL did. I have sought out a therapist, and I’m working on it, but I keep asking myself if I should have kept on fighting the steps even longer. Four years of lies and manipulation from steps while caring for him was so so hard. GAL would not listen to me or read my documentation of his doctor’s positive comments about my care. I think his kids put the nails in my DH’s coffin by rapidly placing him alone in a facility right after I was forced to leave. He needed so much more attention. He was used to my constant care and socializing. So please pray for me as I feel I will soon lose the love of my life. I keep on rehashing the injustice of it all in my head, and I know I’ve got to stop. Can’t even sleep at night. The Court system has produced so many horribly unjust situations, and I see how flawed the system can be. An incompetent GAL and scam artists can ruin your life. But I do believe we will all be reunited with our loved ones in a better place one day. Now I’ve got to think positive thoughts and try celebrate my life with him in my mind…think positive thoughts for my own sanity…25 happy years together, before dementia and manipulation and abuse for greed raised their ugly heads.

CaregiverHelen

Thank you. I have to keep telling myself that.

Ed1937

Helen, I'm so very sorry it's so hard for you. It makes me sad that people can be so cruel.