What good is a dpoa

ImMaggieMae

TBE, I hope DW is on the path to getting the evaluation and care that she needs. I agree with BW’s advice. Stand firm and hold your ground. She is a danger to herself, you and others around her. ERs are terrible places to be. I hope you are both out of there soon. Thank you so much for keeping us posted. Lots of prayers for you and DW.

Buggsroo

TBE, you can’t reason with mental illness. I really hope she stays in the hospital where they can titrate her drugs correctly. It sounds like she is at the height of a psychic meltdown. I am so sorry you are going through this nightmare, I hope you get answers and help ASAP.

toolbeltexpert

Well here is an er update. They are trying to find a placement within the next 24hr. Dw is not showtiming as well, I went out to the car to get her a diet drink and called her sister and when I came back she was out of the room with 2 nurses trying to talk her down. she is back to asking me if I am ok now cause yesterday I was a different person. She just got a little something to make her drowsy. And she is cold and has asked for her clothes a million times. Why can't we go home, I want to go home. I keep telling her we are waiting on test results.  Speaking of test results all good no uti. No blood issues. I was asked about whether I wanted a dnr. I told them dnr.  That is one of the hardest things I have ever said.

ButterflyWings

TBE - thanks for updating us. Many friends on these boards are with you in spirit right now. Yes, those are hard questions we get asked right? Just nothing easy about any of this, but you are courageously getting your DW the help she needs, as she cannot do it herself. Can you get a bite to eat and maybe a short nap by any chance? I know this is surreal and also not the easiest setting to find a restorative moment for yourself --but if you can, please do. Thinking of you and hoping they do find a bed for her in the next 24. It sounds like help is on the way.

Jo C.

It is 11:04 pm Sunday where I am, and 1:04 am Monday where you are.  I have a feeling that you have got no sleep and perhaps not even any food.  I remember what it was like to decide, "dnr" and understand your feelings. 

I wish there was someone who could "spell" you so you could get some rest.  If she should fall asleep or be sedated to the point of sleep, I wonder if you are close enough to the hospital to go home for a nap and some nutrition.  Or; if you could even take a nap in the car.   Sometimes we can hire a "sitter," usually an aide through the hospital to stay with our LO while we catch a break and sometimes the hospital will provide a sitter at no cost.  I am just concerned about you - it has been a very bad, exhausting day.

Post weekend discharges from GeroPsych will happen, hopefully your wife will have first placement.  Is the GeroPsych Unit in the same hospital or will she have to be transferred to another facility?

When my LO was admitted to GeroPsych, it felt like abandonment.   Hard to leave and go home not being there knowing what was happening.   I, who never cries, sat down when I got home and did just that.  The staff at GeroPsych were kind; I called a couple of times each day as visitation is not permitted on first days and they gave me good input and reported on what was being done and how my LO was responding to treatment; that really helped until I was able to visit.

The primary MD will be a psychiatrist as it is a psych unit. The admission is usually certified for 72 hours on an "involuntary" basis as the patient is not competent to make that decision for herself.  When that time is up, if the need for further care still there, then the patient care team meets as mandated by law and  makes the medical necessity decision for extending the stay.  That was necessary for my LO.

I suggest meeting the Psychiatric Social Worker asap.   You will have to make a decision as to what you will do when the time for discharge comes depending on the acuity of your wife's condition for her ongoing 24 hour care needs, whether she would be best served by being in the home setting versus a Memory Care setting. 

Right now, getting that bed for your wife and absolutely getting you some rest is the priority.  So wish there were a way I could help you - if there was, I would.

J.

Ed1937

Stewart, when I was asked about dnr, it was easy for me because I knew it would take a miracle for her to make it. And I didn't want it to be any harder than necessary for her. I also kept in mind that death like this would likely be a better way than to go through the last stage of dementia. I'm sorry it's so hard.