Can I keep it together

Hoot619

Hi all,    DW should be placed in MC in the next 6 weeeks if all goes well. Openings etc   One day at a time.  I'm having a hell of a time with me ,     I'm suppose to stay calm cool and collected, not to raise my voice and talk in a nice way.       DW threw her oatmeal on the floor and I lost it for a bit. The darn* thoughts were there but I didn't follow thru.   I let the dog in to clean it up.   I will sweep  up the rest. Thought of using vacumn cleaner but that darn stuff sticks like glue. 

DW is sitting in front room Depends on, but pants halfway on and sweatshirt on backwards. At least it is on.   I tried to help her put it on, that didn't work at all.   I gave up, let her do it.   Those arms on the sweatshirt I even thought of doing something else with them.   But that is frowned on, besides I would go to Jail.    I'm lucky in a way I can read what others are going thru on here, I also have another fellowship that I belong to and unload on( VENT) let off steam and for that I am thankful.  Thanks for letting me share, I'm feeling better now. HOOT

jfkoc

You win the blue ribbon for letting the dog in. Brilliant!

Someone shared with me that they did better with "finger food" and Tervis Tumblers. It helped here. 

You lost it? Oh well.....

Sweatshirt/pants? Unless there is a need to get dressed  you might just dress your wife in something we used to call house dresses....one piece, zipper front and very comfortable. 

Faith,Hope,Love

My heart goes out to you Hoot.  Sounds like we've both had a rough day.  Your post made me reflect on myself and the craziness that's happened at my house today.  I too, lost my temper, and did not stay calm cool and collected.  Oh, well.  He won't remember it anyways.  But the problem is that I will, and it makes me angry at myself for losing my temper.  So, I think we both need to forgive ourselves, cut ourselves some slack, and move on.  Hopefully tomorrow is a better day!  I'm praying for you and your DW!

Jo C.

Oh Hoot; I am so sorry.  It must feel awful in so many ways.  Six weeks; it may seem like forever right now. So hope you have the deposit paid to be certain the bed is secured.  Probably not a bad idea to make contact with the facility once in awhile just to stay current and a positive presence with them.

Guess you have a happy dog.  Judith is right; a slide over the head garment even if a muumuu type garment or housedress or housecoat is fine, far less fuss and muss with appendages.  Easy slide in; easy slide out - especially if there happens to be a zipper in the front.

Finger foods can be really helpful; your wife may be at a point where utensils are no longer appreciated..   Here is a listing of suggestions for types of finger foods - I do not like all of them and some I would never do, but it is still listings of ideas. If she would do better with finger foods sitting in her favorite chair in the TV room or living room rather than the kitchen, that is okay.  The safety non-spill cups are the best idea.

https://dementianutrition.com/list-of-finger-foods-for-dementia/

And.  . . let dog in house as needed.  Just will have to walk him a bit more often so he doesn't balloon up.  Ha!

In a few weeks all will be in order.  Being angry and really deeply frustrated sure can come with caregiving, but you are very aware of yourself and know when to pull back.  Letting go is a hard to adjust to, but it does help.

Thinking of you and we are all here - most all of us have had really difficult times to live with and through and we sure do understand.

From one Yooper to another, remember to be good to yourself too; if you can find someone to be with your wife so you can get out even for an hour or two, it can be really helpful.

J.

Ed1937

Hoot, you're not the only one who would lose their temper in a situation like that. It really sounds like you could use a little respite, even if it's only for a few hours. Getting away from the front lines can do a world of good. I hope you can find a way to get some relief.

Colt99

 That dog wouldn’t be a beagle would it?  Memories of hunting rabbits in those Yooper swamps.

Hang in there.

toolbeltexpert

Hoot that's good news. 6 weeks goes by quick, it'll  be fall before you know it. I am like you I know better but do I always do it no. I learned to walk away sometimes.

Hoot619

Hi All,   Things have smoothed out , DW eat a peanut and jam samdwich plus made her a malt    .She is hollaring at the TV now.        Nice to know there are Yoopers on here and the dog is a English Setter.   Mostly sits on his butt looking at us eat or trying to clean the kitchen counters off.  I thought the Beagle I had was bad but this one takes the cake.      I shot my 1st rabbit on this property when I was a kid.  60 yrs later we live on it.         Going to try and make a meeting when I tell the DW where I am going it brings her out it most time.  She still carries her Al-ANon books around,  Can't read them but they give he comfort. Hoot                             Will try some finger food, French Toast she was eating and pancakes but lately Nope.

Stuck in the middle

I like oatmeal, and I like Cheerios.  Cheerios sweep up easier.

sunshine5

I got angry at DH when trying to help with his iPhone. I set it before so he doesn’t have to type the passcode each time. Instead of being thankful, response was opposite. He has no problem typing the passcode each time! Really!

He couldn’t remember how to call me on his iPhone not on what’s app! 

I wonder if there is a easier phone for dementia patients. I didn’t like me getting angry at him!

Hoot619

Yesterday got  DW  to eat 2 peanut butter and Rasp. jam sandwiches maybe couple of swallows of oatmeal plus a choc.malt and 2 pepsi'.  That's a win for me. My son came over to say hi and give her a hug. She blew up ,he left. It really bothers him.  She is out of head most of the time.     

  Today got DW changed and that's it .  Won't eat , hugging her blanket ... took her oatmeal away I reheated it twice , she never ate any made her PB&Jam sandwich see if she willet that.       

  I'll call the CELA  in a bit and talk to the medicaid gal to see where we are at.  See if we can't hurry up the process for MC.                 I know I vent a lot, but some of you have been doing this for one hell of a long time  It's only been about 2 years or so that things have really gone to hell.

  2 years ago or so used to take her on my pontoon and go for a ride or go fishing. DW could look around etc. Now it seems the darn* chair is glued to her butt . Fight with her to go for a ride . Used to take DW out to deer camp to check on things, in fact did it last year once or twice.    I know I waited to darn* long to start to get her to MC.  I haven't got a life anymore and that's my fault. Hoot

jmlarue

There's more than a few of us out here who know exactly how you feel. Trying to find placement in the first place is an ordeal of epic proportions. Once we clear that hurdle, the waiting can push anyone to the breaking point. I hope your phone calls will help to shorten the wait time for you and your wife. Has your wife been accepted for Hospice care? If not, I think an urgent call to your doctor would be helpful. Hospice could provide you with some much needed help at home until she can be admitted to the care facility. They can also remain a part of her care once she is placed. You need help at home - now - and Hospice is your best chance to get that.

Jo C.

You are a short timer now, Hoot.  Just have to hang on a little while longer .  Question:  If you may have mentioned this, I may have forgotten, BUT - have you had her checked for a urinary tract infection?  A UTI can be "silent," without overt physical symptoms, except it can cause significant negative changes in behaviors until treated.  The doctor would need to order a culture and sensitivity to ensure all was addressed properly. I would not discard this as an idea; many of our LOs have indeed had this happen and the behavioral changes caused by a UTI can be dramatic.  I have experienced this several times with my LO.

Perhaps an option is; can you afford to have someone come in to help or stay with your wife for a few hours each week until she is placed?  This will enable you to get some downtime which will help to carry you over the next few weeks while waiting for that opening at the care facility. 

Another option is; some care facilities that do not yet have a permanent long term bed open, will still have Respite beds available for temporary Respite Admissions; usually for one to  two weeks of stay.  It would be private pay, but may be worth it considering the issues at home. This would relieve the both of you for a couple of weeks and it may be that she may actually be able to go right from Respite into a permanent placement if something opens up during that time.  Just an idea.

A person well into their dementia does far better with a setting that has routine and structure.  Change and lack of routine can be their enemy.  If there is not a good established routine with structure, that can also make behaviors ramp up.  Our LOs also pick up on our moods very easily; they will sense our anger, our frustration, our disdain of behaviors, etc. with ease and that too can cause behavioral issues.  We never argue with them or point out their being incorrect. That only makes things worse. What often does help is to use fiblets to get things done or to smooth things over.  Never, never, argue - that is the worst effect for outcomes as it is just not processed due to damage within the brain. 

Got to say Hoot, if anyone tried to serve me oatmeal that was re-heated over twice, I would NOT be happy and I sure would not eat it.   She may also be tiring of the peanut butter and jelly at the moment.   Do you have cheese you could cube or chicken fingers, other things that are on the finger food menu link that  I Posted here earlier?  May try something else on a plate or in a bowl next to the chair where she sits in the living room.  Even dry cereal in a bowl with a few chocolate chips or raisins in the dry cereal if she likes them.  Anything she can pick up at will and eat.  For me?  Just give me a deconstructed pasty put in a bowl that was bought at a local pasty shop.  (Wish I had one now - but not going to find one in SoCal.)

If TV programs are violent or upsetting, that too can ramp up our LOs behaviors.  If you know what soothes her, you may find that catering to that for the next few weeks until placement may keep your own nerves intact; this is certainly not an easy time.  I really am concerned on your behalf and would really like to see you be able to get a few hours out of the house each week until placement has been made.

Keep coming here to talk; we are here for one another and we sure do care.  There are plenty of us here, the guys included, who sure do "get it" and understand the challenges you are faced with.

J.

J.

ImMaggieMae

Hoot, reheated oatmeal sounds pretty unappetizing. How about adding some fruit to the oatmeal? I use Old Fashioned Oats and cook them for 3 minutes in the micro, then add a small handful of frozen blueberries. The blueberries cool the oatmeal and I also add a small amount of milk to thin it a bit. If DH doesn’t finish it all, I sit down and feed the rest to him, talking the whole time about what’s ahead for the day, the weather, last night’s movie or whatever I can think of to babble on about. It keeps him engaged in the eating and he always finishes a big bowl this way. Flavored yogurts are another favorite for after the oatmeal. Then a glass of orange or other juice followed by a banana. He definitely likes a routine breakfast. The only change is sometimes Cheerios with sliced bananas. Other meals are always varied. 

 Staying calm and being talkative, even when he isn’t talking back is essential. It took me a long while to learn not to act upset, even when I was. It was a big turning point in his behavior and in turn, the mood in our home. (Along with medications, of course.) There’s an old song, Smile that I often think of when I’m feeling overwhelmed. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GAQfwpEDdOw

Smile

Lyrics by John Turner and Geoffrey Parsons

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it’s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
you’ll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through
for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile what’s the use of crying
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you’ll just
Smile

Hoot619

I reheated it once added more milk and tasted it, no darn different than what I had 30 minutes earlier. (Maybe twice)  Surprise surprise she ate the sandwich.  I wouldn't give her anything that wouldn't eat and darn near always taste it first. I've got a apple pie in freezer that I made , will thaw it warm it up add icecream . She just ate the darn icecream the other day left the pie.  Will hide the pie, she finds it it's gone as a rule. McDonalds for supper, she does well with cheeseburger and fries get her a malt too.

Waiting on return call from medicaid gal.       Daughter just called going to get soxs and sweats for MC. Jennifer tried to talk to her Mom all she did was yell.  Usually when she calls DW calms down an even talks a little.   Our kids know what I am going thru.  My son has a hard time with it, he is a lot like me.  Jennifer is the stronger one in this instance or whatever.

Will call the Doc and get UTI scheduled, will get sample at home but need the sterile container, as soon as I get the other phone call. Hoot

Hoot619

I received the phone call, nothing can be done til the 22d when my son and I sign titles etc., will find out a lot more then.  I got her changed and she did eat 1 sausage probably 1 1/2 slices of her French toast.   She just let the dog in,DW has long pants on  , heavy t-shirt  on  1 arm in and neck in . Just screams if I try to fix it.   I should remember that trying to fix her days are mostly over.   Will run to down and see her reg. Doc and get UTI container.

I'm having a good day so far hope I can keep it that way.  Phone call helped, I'll go to my meeting tonight vent if I have to , hope there is no reason to do that.   I have to remember DW can't help what she does or doesn't do.   Her screaming etc, can I blame her.  It must be hell on our LO's that they can't say what they need, how they feel. I would hate to be in her shoes, at least I can bitch etc. and get my feelings out.   Maybe I should read what I just wrote when the bad moments surface.   Hoot

Joydean

Hoot, glad you are having a good day, you sure deserve it. I think if you can get your wife to eat anything you’ve done a good job. Good luck with the urine sample. Prayers for you and your wife. 

Hoot619

Joydean, I didn't get her out of chair in time.  How do you wring out pads and cushions?  I'll set my alarm and try again in the morning.

DW did eat her breakfast 1 sausage and 2 french toast.    I read on here someplace that we have to treat them like our kids at a very young age. Take stuff away from them that they shouldn't have.   When we did that they didn't use the language DW uses.  HA ha

STEev

Wife will only eat uncountable by smuckers for breakfast. (They are good) after that very little for the rest of the day. She drinks protein shakes.

Hoot619

 Yesterday DW  ate breakfast and not much else, today wouldn't eat her FRESH oatmeal didn't even try it. Had 2 Yogurts today a toasted cheese/apple butter sandwich around 6 and ice cream and peaches.

  DW snapped out of the funk for a little while so I called our Daughter up so she could say a few words.  DW knew who she was and was able to say I love you plus a lot of gibberish.   That made my day.  She also said a few words to me and wasn't swearing at me for a change.  She sure was earlier.  Now DW is back in the funk or whatever you want to call it. 

I/ve been able to keep me under control today, haven't answered her screaming with the same.  Hospital hasn't called with results of UTI yet.  No news is good new on that, DW won't take meds by mouth in any way shape or form. So if test is positive she will take meds by transfusion.      I was able to stop her meds by mail with a phone call today   Hoot

Hoot619

I darn* near lost it a while ago, went to MacD. for a malt and double cheeseburger for DW. Gave DW the BURGER and she threw it on the floor.  Nothing here is easy any more.  Usually Dw is happy when I get them. Eats them right up Well she started drinking the malt -dog is outside because she tries to get him to drink,sip out of the straw or share the burger.  He hasn't figured that one out yet! The malt not the hamburg.   Meeting tonight and I am going!!

Hoot619

I got her UTI sample in Sat morning, so Doc should have had results Monday. Today Doc's office called, has infection or whatever . Told me pick it up. Went to Drug Store to get it. They hadn't received order yet.. Finally 1 1/2 -2 hours later they got it.

    They have to order it won't be in til Monday They called the other drug store in town they are out of it to!  Seems like I;m having trouble with everything lately.

   Oh well, life goes on I gotta catch a break sooner or later.  I could be in worse shape, so better quit my bitching..Hoot

Hoot619

W ell just had the ambulance crew out to get DW off the floor, messed her pants had to shower her and she got to the front room before I could get Depends on her.  DW went down easy but I can't get her up.  Our ambulance people got a grant for picking people up. I had to use them twice now this year so far. I think 3 times last year,

Dw wife wouldn't let them take any vitals also hollared all the time they were here.  I'm so happy they got tthat grant.  They sure were nice to DW.  Hoot

jmlarue

Oh, boy! I read these posts and marvel at the way you roll with the punches. Any possibility your DW will drink Cranberry juice? It's not a cure for UTI, but it can help to tamp down the rampant growth of bacteria in her urine so it doesn't get worse while you're waiting for the antibiotics. It helps by making the urine more acidic. It also helps to get her to drink more water than normal. I know this can present a problem for you on the incontinence side of things, but the longer the UTI goes untreated, the crazier the behavior you'll need to deal with.

You're doing a Titan's jobs taking care of your DW in the most difficult circumstances. I hope you get some help soon,

BillieFL

Thank you for this. Excellent advice.

BindaJD

 Types of temperature and humidity data loggers and selection

There are three main types of temperature and humidity data loggers.

1.Paper-based temperature and humidity data logger. Characterized by mechanical recording pen to draw curves on the recording paper, so as to record and save data.

The recording paper saves the data.

2.Paperless temperature and humidity data logger. Characterized by microprocessor, display and memory. It is the earliest term or collective name for all electronic type temperature data loggers. Memory saves data.

The display can be digital or graphic, and the display screen can be black and white, blue screen or color...

3.Sea temperature and humidity data logger. Features features are composed of microprocessor, LCD, SD or TF card memory, comes with a file system, data stored directly as a file, such as .txt, doc files, etc.; while not limited by the traditional record group of thousands or tens of thousands of groups, according to the memory card capacity to achieve mass storage.

So how to choose a suitable data logger?

In the selection of temperature and humidity timing, we should consider the actual application environment and requirements of the user, such as range, output and display, installation method, sampling method, gas type, material and structure, control monitoring requirements, environmental hazards, etc. In addition, we should also pay attention to factors such as cost effectiveness and maintenance workload; cost effectiveness, when choosing temperature and humidity instruments, we should not just consider the low price is good, we should integrate price and performance to choose. This includes price, life, maintenance, calibration costs. Calibration: the method of calibration and whether it is easy to operate to be considered, even if you do not need high precision results, and for the convenience of calibration in the field and in situ instruments will save workload. The above is the user needs, the following is for the temperature and humidity data logger itself: first, is a problem of adaptability, sometimes the use of the environment is relatively harsh, to consider whether the instrument can adapt to the harsher environment. Second, the ruggedness and durability. Humidity meter sensor and housing to consider whether it can withstand condensation, dry, extreme temperature, dust, chemical or other pollution.

https://www.renkeer.com/temperature-and-humidity-data-loggers-introduce-types-and-select/

Hoot619

It won't hurt to try it if DW will drink it, myself I love the stuff if she won't it won't go to waste.  DW is out of it again today  Depends on won't let me help get shirt on but she does have blanket on covering her up. 

Be so glad when we see the CELA Monday and see what the next step is.  On the way home from Marquette will go to Manistique to see MC place and get more informtion on timetable to place her.

That ambulance crew last night was so helpful, told me to call them if I had any more trouble.I could tell they loved their job and went out of their way to comfort me with my caregiving. Hoot

Faith,Hope,Love

So sorry you're going thru all of this.  Hang in there as best you can.  I've got you in my prayers.

Hoot619

Got the cranberry juice we can't get the straight stuff anymore but I imagine it is like that all over.  Have it thawing now , now will DW drink it.  That turkey baster won't leave my mind-ha ha          It would take 3 people to hold her down to do it.  I can still remember the time when I didn't mind her being half undressed but now with screaming and hollaring .  That seems like a long long time ago.          I'm hoping the UTI is causing a lot of this.but most likely the disease.

  Hoot

jmlarue

HA HA! That reminds me of the post where some of us were musing the possibility of a tranquilizer dart gun when our LO is completely off the rails. Or that jacket with the extra long sleeves that fastens at the back. It's just dark humor, but laughter is better than crying or swearing. Hope DW will take the juice. I'll admit, it's probably no better than trying to put out a fire by peeing on it. Still, it's better than nothing.

Hoot619

Right now DW is so darn wound up that I'm going to leave her alone for an hour or 2. I got the wet Depends off her when DW got up and was by the Entrance Kneewall. Dry ones on now and DW got her long pants pulled up.  Maybe by bedtime the shirt. DW got her T-shirt on, we got another win

  I did get DW to eat a corndog earlier. Well I put it by her and left the room watching her on camera. It took better  than 10-12 minutes before DW finally picked it up. I'll put the juice in her pop can later and hope it gets drank.  All DW drinks is D. Pepsi , won't drink water or milk.

I'm glad we live 3 miles from town and no close neighbors.  The way DW carries on at times I'd probably have the Police out here.  It going to be hell when I get my new H aids. hope the controller keeps working for being around DW and away from her

I get upset but what about DW she can't tell me what she wants It;s got to be hell on her also  Hoot.