A phone call, a visit

M1

Got to briefly FaceTime with my partner today for the first time in three weeks. She looked awful. Was just let out of covid quarantine yesterday, and she still looked quite ill and very tired, very confused.  Going to take lunch on Tuesday, will be the first in person visit in almost two months. I don't know what to hope for, maybe something will have reset. She told me she wasn't sure she'd still be there next week.

This just remains an absolute purgatory.  I miss her so. I feel like I'm just marking time.

MaryG123

I’m glad you’ll get to see her soon M1.  You’ll get a better feel for how she’s doing when you visit.

Ed1937

M1, I'm sorry, and I wish she felt and looked better. I know it's been an awful long time since you have been able to sit down and just talk to her. Hopefully she will rebound, and you will have a better day than you'll be expecting. I know you miss her terribly, and I wish it didn't have to be that way. Hoping for better days for both of you.

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toolbeltexpert

M1 nobody here probably know the true deep pain of your loss but you. I have been able to visit for the better part of the 2 days since my wife has been placed. It has been one big loop with some interruptions like eating together that break the cycle. All the things I brought, she has boxed or bagged and last night I started bringing some of it home. She is trying to protect it and it's using up her brain resources. Things like her favorite afghans, she is constantly worried about something happening to them.I am lucky she can still express that emotion, the drugs are definitely having a negative effect. She has more tremors and her lips quiver, her legs are swelling. I did trim her toe nails and change her socks which I had tried to do at the geripsych,but they wouldn't  allow it, and though they said they would, they never did. She needs a shower which they said she would get one today. 

All this is having an negative effect on me. I am having the most violent nightmares, and I remember them. I realize they are about me trying to protect her and it is killing me, there is no protecting someone with dementia. Sure we can keep the body, but there is no protecting the person we knew. 

I am certainly not trying to minimize your pain cause I can feel it, and I know a little of it. We often think, I would rather have a certain behavior than the one we are experiencing. Everyone's pain is theirs, and I continue to pray for a better outcome for you,I know how hard you have tried. And I truly hope nothing I have written or expressed has cause you anymore pain, you certainly have enough. And covid brings its own set damage to a pwd and the caregiver.

I wish none of us was going thru this. I have tears for everyone here, 

Mint

TBE like how you expressed we cannot protect them from dementia.  That sunk  in when you said it.  We also cannot protect ourselves from it either since we care about that person.   It harms both of us.

Faith,Hope,Love

My heart breaks for you M1.  From reading your posts, I know this has been so hard on you.  I can't even imagine what you are going thru.  Please try and take care of yourself during all of this.

White Crane

Dear M1, I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this painful nightmare. It’s been rough going for a while and my heart hurts for you.  Praying your lunch next Tuesday goes well. In the meantime, please take good care of you. Sending hugs.

Hoot619

M1 and Toolbelt,     I have you both in my prayers it seems like it never get easier.  M1, I hope your lunch goes well for you both.  That time away from your LO is coming to a end. I'm glad about that.  Hoot

MN Chickadee

M1 what are the staff telling you? Can you get a sense of her current condition like any weight loss, eating habits, bathroom habits etc? I know how hard it is when you aren't there and they are sick with covid. Thinking of you. All of it is so unfair.

abc123

Dear M1, I keep reading your post over and over. I’m so sorry. I’m hoping and praying that lunch will go well for you both. 

Sending you peace. 

Jo C.

Dear M; I will be thinking of you on Tuesday and hoping that this visit will be at least a bit more positive for you and her.

Two months have already passed since your last visit, that surprised me; time has passed so fast.  I can imagine you will be with her not only as her beloved Partner, but also in your physician mode assessing what you see. 

May this day be blessed and give you both peace and a loving time together; you have been waiting such a long time.

Big hug,

J.

jmlarue

Keeping you both in my thoughts and holding you up in prayer (I'm Catholic and regularly pray for the Souls in Purgatory). You may not have the miracle we all want for your partner, but I sincerely hope she can begin to turn the corner on Tuesday. You both deserve some love and peace.

JoseyWales

M1 -I've been thinking of you and your wife lately. I can't tell you how much I hope your visit on Tuesday goes well. I'm sorry she's been sick, hope she recovers soon.

There's a new resident in DH's unit. She carries her suitcase with her. That made me think of so many of you here who have talked about how LOs pack up when they first are moved into MC.

Jo C.

Hello, M1.  Tomorrow is the day of your first visit with your beloved Partner in two months; I will be thinking of you and so hoping that all has improved and that the visit is far better than what has been in the past.   You have been a champion and done all that can be and have been so patient with the deeply trying circumstances. Truly, you are to be commended for your patience.

I shall say a prayer on your behalf tonight that tomorrow brings a positive outcome will will lift your spirit.

J.

Ed1937

M1, I may not be on the forum tomorrow, but I wish the best for both of you. I'll check back when I can.

M1

Thank you all for the good wishes; I'm nervous. Apple pie is her favorite, i picked some today and will take a pie with me. I'll certainly update tomorrow.

Joydean

M1 best of luck tomorrow. Hope and pray you will both have a pleasant visit. Hope your wife is feeling better after all the Covid. Home made apple pie should be a hit. Got some ice cream?  Prayers for you both tomorrow.

Jeff86

I am thinking of you, M1, and hope you are able to have a good visit with your partner.

Joe C.

M1, Thinking of you today and hoping for the best on your visit.

abc123

Dear M1, I’ll definitely be thinking of you both tomorrow and hoping for the very best outcome!

Pam BH

M1, praying for a wonderful visit for both of you. Homemade apple pie in addition to seeing you should do it!

Faith,Hope,Love

M1 I will be praying for you too!  Hope all goes well.

Beachfan

M1,

Thinking of you and your DW today as your visit looms.  You have been extraordinarily patient for an extraordinarily long time.  Hoping today is the start of a breakthrough.  Best wishes. 

White Crane

Praying it goes well today.

harshedbuzz

M1-

I hope you both get a positive outcome today. You both deserve it.

HB

eaglemom

I'm thinking about you today. 

eagle

M1

Well, overall good news.  She was glad to see me, and I stayed for two hours, we just sat in her room (which is still all packed up and ready to leave).  She mainly just wanted to look at me, tell me she loved me and needed to be with me, and --of course repetitively, over and over again--didn't understand why she couldn't just leave with me now.  I kept saying --the truth--you've been sick, and sicker than you know, you can't leave yet--and eventually she kind of got off of it, though kept coming back to it.  It's the most time I've spent with her since March, probably.

She liked the fried chicken that I took (Publix wings, her favorite) and the apple pie, eventually calmed down enough to actually eat a little bit.  Didn't want to watch TV, didn't want to sit in the garden, didn't want to walk around the halls.  

So again, overall good.  I'm fearful, like last time, that the more she sees me, the more agitated she'll become at not being able to leave.  Nothing in that vibe has changed.  But I would love to try to establish some routine that might really work.  Am going to try to go again on Friday, so we'll see.

Thanks again for the support.  Helps a ton.  Keep your collective fingers crossed.

60 falcon

That's good to hear.  Bet it felt good too.

jfkoc

Thanks for the update...happy for you!

Ed1937

M1, that's terrific news! The best I've seen for some time. I'm so happy for both of you, and I pray Friday will build upon today's visit.