Long tiring disease

mavykins

My Dad has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s since January 2021. He is on memantine and seroquel. My mom is his primary caregiver. I come to my parents house every day to help because he can be exhausting. The pacing, the accusations of cheating or stealing money. He also doesn’t want my mom to go anywhere, he almost believes he owns her. We have a caregiver that comes in once a week, that we just increased to twice. We went to the neurologist, and it’s so bleak. He can’t say what stage, bc some days my Dad is walking and talking, (nothing makes sense). But other days all he wants to do is sleep. I know his behavior isn’t his fault, but I get scared reading how long this disease can last for. He’s 81 and in good shape physically. Mentally cannot follow a conversation. Thinks I’m evil. But if I don’t come, my mom gets worn out. I hate this disease.

We can’t get him into memory care due to the cost. He makes too much monthly to qualify for assistance. But has no savings and can’t afford the 10k a month.

M1

Have you talked to a certified elder law attorney about qualifying him for long-term Medicaid? If not, you should. Medicaid for long-term care is different from "regular" Medicaid and varies from state to state; some states will cover memory care and others will only cover skilled nursing facilties. But it's worth a consult, especially since your mother still needs funds for her own care too. You may be missing something, don't assume you know?

harshedbuzz

Hi and welcome. I am sorry for your reason to be here but happy you found this place.

If they haven't completed DPOAs and such, this would be a good strategy anyway. Your dad should not be POA for your mom and she/you may need to step in as his disease progresses.

I agree with M1 that it would be prudent to consult a CELA about programs for which he might be entitled. Medicaid is one option. If he's a veteran, there might be other options.

I am not surprised by his behavior. People tend to think about dementia in terms of memory loss alone, but there are also personality changes like a lack of empathy. Have you talked with his prescribing doctor about adjusting the Seroquel to help around the paranoia and delusional thinking?

HB