Handling mom's delusions

Jddl04

My 85 year old mom has moderate dementia. For the past year she has had this delusion that her husband of 60 plus years is not her husband, her husband (with the same unusual name) is missing and she regularly asks us to try to find him and at times cries about him not being there. Obviously this bothers my dad even though he is starting to get used to it. Example: My dad will mention a vacation from 30 years ago and she will say "You weren't there". What do we say to her when she cries about her "missing" husband?

Quilting brings calm

There is really nothing to say other than to just nod your head, saying ‘ oh I must be thinking of a different vacation’ and then change the subject by asking a question or offering a treat like ice cream or a favorite tv show. You cannot convince them by using logic or by trying to remind them that he is her spouse or that he was there.

In terms of her spouse, just say that ‘Mike/Dad is at work or the store. This person, also named Mike, is here to help you until he comes back’. Some spouses are able to go outside for a few minutes, and return - upon which they are recognized as the missing spouse. It’s sad but it’s all you can do.