Anger and Dementia

sharon22992

This is my first time posting to this forum. I'm concerned about my 89 year old father's increased agitation, irritation, frustration, and absolute anger. How can I distinguish between what is "normal" for his age and what might be the beginning of some type of dementia. He's always been irritable and easily agitated. But now, there are times when he really is in a rage and when it's over, he has no memory of it. The worst was when he was yelling that he was going to burn down the house we live in.

I'm just looking for stories about the kind of anger or agitation that made others concerned! Actually, I don't even know what I'm looking for! But I'm looking for something...Thank you!

M1

Hi Sharon. You are right to be concerned. Do you have power of attorney for him by any chance, and/or HIPPA privileges for communication with his doc? I would start there, and call or write his doc to tell them of your concerns (most times with dementia, the family complains long before the affected person does). If you don't have HIPPA privileges, you can still talk to them, although they may not be able to answer back (because of privacy concerns), but they can still act on the information you are providing.

towhee

Welcome Sharon. Please do contact his doctor, it is not just dementia that can cause these problems.

MN Chickadee

I second the above posters' advice, working with his doctors would be the easiest way to figure this out. It sounds like he needs the help of a geriatric psychiatrist one way or another. It does sound a lot like something is going on, could definitely be a form of dementia, but that can't go on no matter what the cause is. I would also mention it could come down to calling 911 when he is in a rage. If he is making threats or is a danger to himself or others that is a perfectly reasonable thing to do. The EMTs would take him to the ER on a psych hold and from there you could get him transferred to a geriatric psych unit where they could do some diagnosis processes to screen for dementia and see if medications can help and get him stable. Most people stay at such an inpatient senior behavioral health setting for a few weeks where a geriatric psych staff works to find the right meds and treatments and then the person is released to wherever the family wants them to live (often the family decides it's time for a move to memory care but some do go back home.) You may want to see an elder law attorney before doing this, especially if no one has power of attorney for him. You could discuss what inpatient Geriatric psych units are in your area with his doc and have the doctor help guide you. I would also take video or recordings of his behavior and rage so that you can show the doctors if necessary to help inform them as to what is going on at home. Some PWD can showboat for outsiders and seem much better than they are and the docs need family input and proof of the reality at home. Please be vigilant about your own safety, keep your phone on you and have a plan for if you are in danger. Let us know how things go, take care.

MattieP

Hi Sharon22992,
I saw your post and I have a similar situation (and this is also my first post too). I feel for you. My Dad is 89 and has had angry outbursts his entire life (Once every six months for most of his life). In the last five years the outbursts became frequent as his memory declined. To your question, these anger episodes are scary, upsetting, and I am concerned about them. They impact me, but also everyone he deals with. I don't think the anger is a normal part of aging.

Others covered safety issues, but I can offer a few things I've done to cope.

I learned what triggers the anger, and this helped me defuse some of the rages before they become full-blown. I try to empathize with his loss, which helps me cope (more than learning the triggers). I recently confronted him about his anger in a strong way, and my message was respected (I felt this approach might work, so I tried it). I also just read the communication advice on this website, and it was helpful. If I am caring for Mom and Dad and anger erupts, I often speak to my brother and sister-in-law for encouragement afterward. I see anger as part of a disease, not as Dad.

Every situation is different; these are just a few things I've done. Take care.