Is Asking for Help Always Worth It?

Iris L.

You said the dog was excitable. Now that some time has passed, is the dog more settled? Was he a rescue from a shelter? They need time to recover from their PTSD of being abandoned. He looks "thoughtful" in his photo. He also looks like he is a great companion. Please give him a hug from me. I like dogs but I have cats.

(((((( Fido ))))))

Iris

AlzWife2023

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/186833#Comment_186833

It was frightening in the moment, but I know he was very confused and frustrated and I was rushing him so he lost it. I know that PWD can be unpredictable, etc, but I am not worried about anger issues right now. If this happens again, I will be. Thank you for your concern.

AlzWife2023

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/186908#Comment_186908

Very late reply: dog is not a rescue and he has gotten so much calmer as he has matured.

Mimi50

My husband and I have 26 year old son. A year ago my husband was diagnosed ES vascular dementia. So I haven't needed help with caring for him. Joshua lives close by and he does work and joint custody of 2 year old granddaughter. I personally think your daughter should stay with her Dad as she promised. But I do understand that sometimes it just isn't worth the fighting with them over. So far Joshua has helped with shoveling snow and car repairs. Making eye doctors appointment for me that I had been putting off. When, my grandma required more care. Back in 2015 my Mom is living in Chicago. My aunt didn't have the patience to deal with my grandma. So I went and spent couple days A week with her. Took to doctors appointments so my mom wouldn't have too. She didn't have dementia or AD but had mobility issues. Also really bad macular degeneration so she couldn't see. Well enough to do much. She went into AL in 2018 so when that happened. I would take to medical appointments and bring her to family events. She was,extremely easy to care for. My husband has not been difficult yet to care for. But that obviously will change.

AlzWife2023

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/193599#Comment_193599

Hi @Mimi50 I agree that she should have followed through, but I put her needs before mine as usual and I also felt that I had taken a really rash decision financially and practically by planning the trip so off the cuff. I cant see taking a big trip anymore. I still have the airline credit which might go to waste. My oldest son who lives with us and pays us rent and board which helps me not to work said "you don't have to use it."

It seems like everyone thinks my role is 24 hour caregiver and I have accepted it for now but not without very conflicted feelings. I really don't want to do this, but I tell myself everyday it is the best option. I pray, I rationalize, I bury myself. I feel like the road will be really long as his progression seems slow. The situation is so demanding. All I have in my life is caregiving, housework, and pet care. I wonder if that's what I really want. I got so burned out from working and dealing with husband's bizarre and unhelpful behavior for years (not knowing it was the disease). I quit the best job I'll ever have to relocate for him, basically. I guess this how losing your life to Alzheimer's as a caregiver goes...bit by bit.

Mimi50

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/194155#Comment_194155

AlzWife2023 My mom always says you can’t take care of anyone else. Unless you take of yourself. Your son is good kid. Glad he is there to give you the support you need. Your daughter needs to help. Caring for someone you love with AD. Is something no one understands. Unless they are doing it. It is time to have your needs met too. Your daughter should help and give you A break.