Need help getting DH to let me do his meds

SDianeL

My DH was diagnosed 2 years ago. One thing he's clinging to is doing his daily meds each morning. He takes 6 pills and 3 vitamins in the AM and 5 pills at night. It's taking him longer and longer to do them. He gets confused and counts them over and over. I watch him do it because I'm concerned he will miss a pill or take a double dose. I offered to help but he snapped at me. It's like it's his last thing he can do and doesn't want to give it up. He's hanging onto it. I bought one of those weekly am/pm pill holders and offered to do them once a week with him and he threw a fit. So I threw it away. That was 6 months ago. Now I have another one but haven't brought it up. This morning was hell. He had a meltdown because he couldn't do it. I offered to help but then he screamed at me. So should I try again to get him to cooperate? Or should I stay up at night when he's asleep and get them organized for the week and take the brunt of his anger and disappointment (which is worse than his anger) in the morning? He has lost his reasoning and logic so I can't reason with him. Any tips or suggestions appreciated. 😪

ButterflyWings

SDianeL, This is tough, I understand so well. Is there one you can crush and give in his juice, or hide in his food to take the edge off first every day? You did not say if there are any meds like that in the pills he is taking, but sounds like the neuropsych needs to help here. Seroquel (quetiapine) was the game changer for us when problem behaviors, delusions, hallucinations, MAJOR attitude issues and even anger started. For at least a year, otc Melatonin liquid was our best friend. His dr agreed that could be a go-to help to take the edge off, when needed. Started with 3mg which did absolutely nothing. Then up to 10mg eventually, which mellowed him out - did not put him to sleep or sedate him at all. But he was more cooperative after a little Melatonin, so I could work around more things at the time that were dangerous to him or me.

Sorry that you are having this struggle and you are right - this is not something that he can safely do, as you have observed. I remember my DH's disease taking us through that power struggle, it was stressful. He would disappear necessary meds (taken daily before dementia) and forget where he put them. I spent thousands of dollars we did not have, replacing expensive inhalers just to keep him alive. And then, even after Seroquel magic was prescribed, getting them in him was a challenge when he'd flat refuse sometimes. Other times I'd realize he tricked me and pocketed the med in his jaw but did not swallow it, or I'd find a random pill in his pocket or under the bed way later. Then the lightbulb would go on ("ok, so THAT explains his wacky behavior yesterday").

Like most things on this Alz rollercoaster, I had to trick him so I could do what had to be done...taking control of things he just could not manage safely anymore. As much as possible I did it without him knowing the change was forever. I know talking with him would not have helped. Maybe the Dr. could suggest he let you do it? But sounds like you need some workarounds at least, plus maybe an anxiety or behavior-specific med. You are right, he could poison himself, or miss important meds and you have to find ways to "help" by removing this responsibility without confronting it head on, which doesn't work with dementia as you know.

Here is an article that may help. Good luck! You can do it. Tips for Getting Those with Alzheimer’s Disease to Take Medication - Alzheimer's, Education, Caregivers (alzu.org)

harshedbuzz

I suspect you are spot on that this behavior is an anxiety driven control issue. I think the answer here might be pill packs. Have the pharmacy fill his prescriptions and package into day and night blister packs. Have them do the same with yours as well and tell him, this is how they do it these days-- like they do in the hospital.

Tips for How Best to Organize Medications - Consumer Reports

The other thought is that he's taking a whole lot of medications and supplements. Are they all necessary and appropriate for a PWD to be taking? This isn't meant as criticism, my own mom takes 12 prescribed pills daily plus inhalers and skin creams. We do revisit the medications with her team on occasion. Her docs have specifically eliminated certain supplements and vitamins and eliminated one prescription medication.

HB

Quilting brings calm

I also think the pill packs are the way to go. Not all pharmacies will do them. You might have to transfer his meds to one that will.

Anything else you do will be considered ‘helping’ by him. He thinks you ‘helping’ means you don’t consider him capable of doing it on his own. He’s not, and you are going to have to take the responsibility from him somehow- but it’s not going to be pleasant and it will be a repetitive argument.

At some point he may resist taking the medication if it’s not in the bottles because he will think it’s poison. My mom did when she had a UTI.

Cosmic

I went through the same situation about two years ago when things got so bad I gave up.

The day finally came when she said she just got too confused and let me help.

I use the little 3oz plastic disposable cups. put her morning meds in one cup and put it on the bathroom counter along with an empty cup for water. That way she can see the meds, count them and take them.

At night before bedtime I again put a cup out with the nighttime meds and she takes them. Gotten to a point now where I have to make sure she takes them because otherwise she forgets.

Cosmic

Our pcp was not too concerned about the supplements as long as nothing interferes with the prescriptions she is taking. He says it's just a waste of $ and they will poop them out anyway. Let the supps go and just "forget" one or two.

SDianeL

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/175687#Comment_175687

thanks for the tips. I'll message the Neuro Psyche doctor and tell her that I'm going to tell him that she recommended it. I'll ask about Seroquel. The last 2 days have been better. He told the caregiver today that he was mean to me the other day about the pills and he was sorry. 😪

SDianeL

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/175689#Comment_175689

Thanks! I'll ask about pill packs. His PCP just had the pharmacy go over all his medications. The vitamins are zinc plus C, B-12 and D3 which all the doctors suggested he take. I added CBD at night to help him sleep. That seems to calm him. The doctors said it was OK. He is on Memantine and I haven't seen any difference in his focus so I'm going to ask them to take him off that and put him on a low dose of the Seroquel. 🤞

jfkoc

Pill pack ...good idea. How about multivitamin instead of all those pills.

I suggest a site like drugs.com for you to use to check each "pill" for side effects and interactions.

You might try not offering to help. This often triggers an adverse reaction. Just maybe acknowledge the difficulty keeping up with pills....give him a hug and move on.

SDianeL

** UPDATE ** ON PILL SITUATION AND SOMETHING SWEET HE DID. It took 6 weeks of me gently asking every couple of days if I could help with his meds and I also think the Risperidone might be finally kicking in. 🤞 We've had lots of rough days lately but he seems to be less angry. A couple of weeks ago, one morning he had a complete meltdown over doing his pills. I said that next time he got upset we were going to try another way (didn't say my way). It was as though it was one of the last things he was doing for himself and he wanted to stay in control of at least that. This week he seemed to be less angry so I asked him yesterday if he was ready for me to help him do his pills for an entire week so he wouldn't have to do it every morning. He said OK! I had the weekly pill sorters already so I got everything out and asked if he wanted to help me or did he want me to do it. He said I could do it!! woohoo!! So I got everything done and now I only have to do it once a week and I know it's correct. I will still have to show him which ones to take because he mixes up AM & PM. I will also watch and make sure he takes them and takes the right ones. After I finished he said "thanks for everything you do for me" and he brought me a $10 dollar bill!! LOL. He said it was my "tip". That was a close to emotion and humor he has had in months. I'll take it. Hope this helps someone else. 🙏

calmmorn

SDianeL, such wonderful news! And your tip story gave me a good laugh. Whenever I thank my mother for helping me with something, she always asks me for a tip (she is obsessed with money). Maybe I should start asking her for tips. Lol. I am so glad this worked out. We need to celebrate every “win” that we can. Thank you so much for sharing.

mommyandme (m&m)

That’s great… you’ve been so patient and understanding. He’s very fortunate to have you. Thanks for your update.

One thing I thought of about the mix up of am and pm pills was having two different containers. We actually had about 10 containers, five weekly rectangles for am and five weekly round ones for pm. I’d fill them up once a month and was easy to keep track of which pills when. Helped when caregivers were in also. My LO had help with her meds from late stage 4 to 5 and so on…forever.