My husband will not shower.

BJACKSON

When I suggest that it is many days since he has not shower, he says that he took one yesterday. In truth it is almost 10 days. How do I get him to shower? He has very short memory. .

GG06

Hi @BJACKSON. This is a common challenge. My husband needs prompting, but will still shower most of the time when I tell him he needs to. I’d suggest you do a search on the site for recommendations on how to entice your husband to comply. There are several threads on the subject. Good luck. I know it is frustrating.

Emily 123

Hi,

Here's a link to some threads about showering. This is a common issue.

https://alzconnected.org/search?domain=all_content&query=shower.%20&scope=site&source=community

As the disease progresses there are a lot of losses besides memory that we can't see-the person will struggle with initiating tasks, they're 'lost' in time since they can't keep track of recent events, they lose the ability to do tasks that require multiple steps because they can't remember what order the steps should go in. This is a good article that explains it:

https://www.smashwords.com/extreader/read/210580/2/understanding-the-dementia-experience/Medium,Arial,Black,White,One-and-a-Half

My mother would shower if we were 'going out'. So I would take her for a drive or run to the corner store just to get her to take a shower.

That worked maybe 50% of the time, but of course she had to think she hadn't already showered. I had to act like our plans that were pushing her usual routine ahead, and she needed to get in the shower so we could get out the door.

Sometimes it's just getting the shower running that can get them to shower. It works best, no matter what you do, if you don't tell them they haven't showered. They think they have and you telling them they haven't will almost guarantee that they will slam on the brakes.

mommyandme (m&m)

BJackson, hi and welcome to our little community. Everything about dementia is hard. Sorry you’re dealing with it too.

Besides the other good advice youve already received, If you look on You Tube for bathing issues by Teepa Snow and/or Dementia Careblazers you may find some helpful tips and understanding of how to cope with this issue.

SDianeL

Read the book "The 36 Hour Day" which explains different behaviors and how to handle them as a caregiver. It helped me so much. It explains that the reason they don't shower is 2-fold. 1. They think they just took one recently. They lose track of time and don't remember when they last showered. 2. Showering is too complicated for their brains. There are many steps to showering and they get overwhelmed. They may also be afraid of falling. They don't need to shower daily. So when my DH wouldn't shower I thought of a way to get him to do it. Every Wed & Sun he likes to go get a newspaper. He still reads the newspaper every word every page. Don't know how much he understands it and I'm sure he doesn't retain it but the routing seems to calm him. So I said every time we go get a newspaper, that's shower day. He reluctantly agreed. When shower days come, I go in and prepare his shower. Get body wash, wash cloths, towel, even turned on the water at first to get it the right temperature, made sure the shower seat was in there and a non slip mat was in place. Then I tell him "your shower is ready when you are ready to take it" -- and he does!! No more arguing. Some times he doesn't want to and I let him wait until the next day and do the same thing. It works! Another tip in the book is to promise them something they like to eat or like to do. For example, after your shower, we'll go get an ice cream or go for a walk. The book was recommended by a nurse and it's helped me and others so much.

BothDementia

Agree, if we tell Dad that he hasn't shower in days, he would disagree and the conversation goes no where. He won't shower and we get frustrated. So one day, sis asked Dad if he wants to go swimming (Dad loves swimming) and he said yes. So she told him 'great, we need to rinse before getting into the pool'. He said 'OK'! She got him to shower! So we need to find that one thing our LO enjoys and then find a connection between that one thing and showering.

Howaboutnow

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/179861#Comment_179861

Oh yes, the braking slamming is real, isn’t it? 😊 Have to navigate those situations coyly.

Whyzit

What is working for me now is telling DH I’m going to take my shower now and when I get done it is your turn. When I finish showering I tell him OK IT IS YOUR TURN NOW and if you want to reward him add, when you finish we will go out to McDonalds. It has been working well.

BJACKSON

Thank you for the response. I will try to think of something/goal to use it and meaningful to him that will encourage my husband to shower. Plan to check suggested resources/links. I am new to this helpline so I have to learn how to use and to make time for myself to utilize.

kamilawal

maybe try taking a shower with him