My husband will not shower.

Hi,

Here's a link to some threads about showering. This is a common issue.

https://alzconnected.org/search?domain=all_content&query=shower.%20&scope=site&source=community

As the disease progresses there are a lot of losses besides memory that we can't see-the person will struggle with initiating tasks, they're 'lost' in time since they can't keep track of recent events, they lose the ability to do tasks that require multiple steps because they can't remember what order the steps should go in. This is a good article that explains it:

https://www.smashwords.com/extreader/read/210580/2/understanding-the-dementia-experience/Medium,Arial,Black,White,One-and-a-Half

My mother would shower if we were 'going out'. So I would take her for a drive or run to the corner store just to get her to take a shower.

That worked maybe 50% of the time, but of course she had to think she hadn't already showered. I had to act like our plans that were pushing her usual routine ahead, and she needed to get in the shower so we could get out the door.

Sometimes it's just getting the shower running that can get them to shower. It works best, no matter what you do, if you don't tell them they haven't showered. They think they have and you telling them they haven't will almost guarantee that they will slam on the brakes.

Read the book "The 36 Hour Day" which explains different behaviors and how to handle them as a caregiver. It helped me so much. It explains that the reason they don't shower is 2-fold. 1. They think they just took one recently. They lose track of time and don't remember when they last showered. 2. Showering is too complicated for their brains. There are many steps to showering and they get overwhelmed. They may also be afraid of falling. They don't need to shower daily. So when my DH wouldn't shower I thought of a way to get him to do it. Every Wed & Sun he likes to go get a newspaper. He still reads the newspaper every word every page. Don't know how much he understands it and I'm sure he doesn't retain it but the routing seems to calm him. So I said every time we go get a newspaper, that's shower day. He reluctantly agreed. When shower days come, I go in and prepare his shower. Get body wash, wash cloths, towel, even turned on the water at first to get it the right temperature, made sure the shower seat was in there and a non slip mat was in place. Then I tell him "your shower is ready when you are ready to take it" -- and he does!! No more arguing. Some times he doesn't want to and I let him wait until the next day and do the same thing. It works! Another tip in the book is to promise them something they like to eat or like to do. For example, after your shower, we'll go get an ice cream or go for a walk. The book was recommended by a nurse and it's helped me and others so much.

Oh yes, the braking slamming is real, isn’t it? 😊 Have to navigate those situations coyly.