DH

kerryjean

Hello my dh has EO. 20 plus years ago we partied a lot, but has been sober for a very long time. The last few days he has been asking me if I got money out of the bank to buy drugs. I know I'm not suppose to correct or confront but it takes me aback. I need suggestions on how to change the subject and maybe get him to be
repetitive about another subject. Any suggestions?

Ed1937

Kerryjean, welcome to the boards. Sorry you are dealing with this too. I think you will get better answers if you can tell us where he is in progression of this disease. Does he have a lot of trouble with short term memory? Anything else you can share?

At times we have to make up fiblets. They can become a very good friend to both of you. You know your DH better than anyone here, but would he buy it if you told him he has to have blood testing done to make sure there are no non-prescribed drugs in his system? If anything shows up, he will lose his insurance. These tests can be done every month because illegal drugs are making problems with health, and it is costing the government, or insurance company a lot of money.

Hopefully others will have some better ideas, and they'll post.

Quilting brings calm

Tell him you can’t take money out right now because it’s too close to payday, or that the bank is closed right now ( a water pipe burst, the heat wave etc etc). Tell him the drug dealer got busted etc etc. or tell him the drugs interact badly with another medication he’s taking and the side effects are painful.

Ed1937

"tell him the drugs interact badly with another medication he’s taking and the side effects are painful." I like that. Just as soon as you give him whatever answer you use, change the subject. "Hey, I have some pie and ice cream. Let's have some". Anything that sounds good to him.

HollyBerry

I think I'm hearing a different question, so ignore this if I'm off base. I think you're saying that you'd like to shut this conversation down as soon as it starts - having him talking about buying drugs could be really inappropriate for a lot of valid reasons. If "we don't do that stuff any more" isn't going to work, and if you can't risk agreeing with him and having someone possibly hear you talking about drug use... I'm not sure. I think I'd still go with "We don't do that any more," "those guys moved away and I don't know anybody else" or whatever. Big picture, don't play along with doing something illegal if that's going to put someone else (minor child?) in danger.

Joe C.

Kerry, Welcome but sorry you needed to seek out our community. First, hopefully he does not have access to funds or still have contact with his old pals, someone could really take advantage of his conditions. Both my wife and I are in recovery and somewhere in mid stage she forgot about her past and would suggest we get some drinks the next time we went out. These suggestions where always trigger by TV commercials. She would see a commercial for say tequila and would say something like, “we should get some tequila the next time we go out”. She was at the stage where her short term memory was almost non existent so she’d forget this thought almost immediately so it never became an issue. Do you know what is triggering his suggestion to buy drugs? Would the thought pass if you simply said some like, “I called “them” and they do not have anything right now”? Or is he really persistent that he is obsessing on buying drugs?

toolbeltexpert

Kerry I can't add to what others have said, it is what I would have suggested. If you find one "fib" that works stick with that, as a pwd has such a short memory which is also helpful if one doesn't work you can try another.