First time

Davegrant

This morning at 5:30 , I was shaving, and I heard someone talking and I went upstairs, and a neighbor was in the house. My wife thinking, I wasn't home apparently left our house and went to a neighbor. This is the first time she left the house. She said that she couldn't find me and where had I been? For the last two days she has her days and nights mixed up. I do have door alarms but had not set the front door and of course that's the one she went out. I am not sure that I would hear the alarm. The neighbor said that she was up anyway, so it wasn't a problem.

I have dreaded this day for a long time, and I don't know how to handle this. I did realize that there was risk when I was sleeping because DW roamed the house and tinkered with everything like the computer, refrigerator, food, dresser contents but I could deal with that by restoring things in the morning. From participating in the site and my ALZ support groups I have been visiting memory care facilities and have a meeting scheduled next week with our attorney to discuss finances. I know that I am not ready emotionally for placement, but I follow directions even is spite of my emotions. Now I am wondering if there are other solutions so that we could continue living as we have been.

I feel that a milestone in the progression has taken place. And I hate it.

Dave

M1

Oh Dave I'm sure that made you sick. Scary though. Any additional locks or alarms you could add? Maybe the slide locks on the top of the door? That's the only thing I can think of in that regard. Is she taking anything for sleep to help her sleep through the night? That's my other thought...seroquel worked like a charm for my partner in that regard.

Davegrant

M1

Thanks for suggestions. I will talk to her PP. Recently she was put on Risperidone for verbal aggression but that was for public behavior, and we really haven't been out of the house recently. I will explore nighttime supports.

Dave

GG06

Dave, I don't have any experience with your situation, so unfortunately no advice to offer. But I wanted to let you know I'm so sorry your wife is at this stage. It must've been so frightening for you both. I hope you find a solution soon.

toolbeltexpert

Dave you said"I know that I am not ready emotionally for placement, but I follow directions even is spite of my emotions."

One of my friends said to me that he noticed I was making my decisions with my head and not with my heart, that is really hard to do.

I did the confusing locks which worked, I had even showed dw how they worked but it had 2 steps and she could remember them. It turned out for me it was the few minutes I wasn't watching she got away in my truck. It's impossible to watch every single second. I would say keep planning your plan b, c, ect.

Sorry that things have progressed but you'll get thru this. Your a great caregiver.

Caro_Lynne

Since my LO started wandering a few months ago, I installed alarms and sliding locks on all doors with outside access. We are on lockdown 24/7. He has no clue they are there. When he tries to open any door he'll ask me why the doors do not open; I tell him they are stuck and our handyman will be here tomorrow to fix them. He immediately forgets this and when he tries again, I repeat. So far this is working for me. This has helped me sleep at night knowing he cannot get out.

Ed1937

Dave, I know this is hard. I put simple sliding locks on the doors, above her head. Since PWD typically don't look up, this worked for us. Until one day she happened to look up, and noticed the lock. She was still enough "with it" that she had no problem unlocking the door. But when that happened, I was close by, and kept her from going out. She tried a few more times, but by the next day she forgot where the locks were, and we were back in business.

Although I don't have any experience with them, I know there are alarms available on Amazon that reviewers say are very loud. One of those might work for you if you need the extra decibels, and I think they're pretty affordable.

Rocky2

Dave,

Sorry for the stress for you and the confusion/worry for DW. I think you are wise to prepare both for the legal matters and for potential MC placement. I just placed my DW into memory care this month. I too had to make the decision with my head, and not my heart, knowing this was best for both of us at this time. It would be great if locks or alarms would meet the need, and provide safety and peace of mind. In any case, I know your decision will be driven by wisdom and compassion. I wish you and DW well as you work through this step.

Tom

SDianeL

So sorry this time has come. Must be sad & frightening. Here's some ideas from this website I found by searching. Scroll down to where it says "Prepare Your Home" https://www.alz.org/help-support/caregiving/stages-behaviors/wandering

SDianeL

Also many county sheriff departments have aides for cognitive issues like cards and a device called Safety Net Tracking Device. https://safetynettracking.com/

SDianeL

an example of our county's registration for cognitive issues: https://www.pascosheriff.com/Cognitive-Needs-Registration/

ButterflyWings

Dave - thank goodness for good neighbors. Very scary. Welcome to my world. DH is an escape artist and only late stage 6 has slowed him down. Hasn't stopped the exit seeking instinct, so I am on line-of-sight duty, no exceptions. There has just not been any alternative to that if he is to remain at home which is my preference, and plan.

We are also on 24/7 lockdown. DH has tried to exit via a window previously, when the front door wouldn't work. This was a few years ago, and middle of the day so if not for Alz, the alarm would not have been on but I learned it had to be.

Is there a motion detector option you can get that will alert your phone? That way, you know before she actually exits the home which is more dangerous even if you are there to retrieve her. Is there someone always with her when you are at work or at an errand? This has been a necessity for us, though it was learning through experience, trial and error. And definitely is not easy.

Internal doors: When we are both sleeping, I've opted for noisemakers on the doorknob to alert me (wind chime, etc.) which sometimes stopped him from even trying to go beyond the bedroom in the middle of the night. The bathroom is en suite - so there was no reason for him to go further while I slept. Dangerous. I know your wife kept herself busy in the house but my DH would not be rummaging for long -- he'd be out the door. There are many, many bestside alarms, etc. - I personally do not want a loud alert as it might be triggering for him and for me lol. So, as long as it gets my attention and possibly his it works for me.

Davegrant

Thank for all your comments. I will follow all of them up to solve the problem. Each new progression is emotionally challenging for me, so the positive support is most appreciated. I will process this behavior with the PP and my support team. I can follow up the practical side and become a locked in house. I need to move cautiously because if she suspects that she is locked in she will resist and since she has anosognosia nothing can be explained to her without activating a strong resistance. My goal is to keep her at home until I can't.

Jo C.

Dave; I am so very sorry. How shocked you must have been and I can well imagine the concern this is bringing. My neighbor's husband who had Alzheimer's Disease had a dreadful time with his getting out the door.

She finally got the lock in the link I am sending. She had it put up higher on the door; easy for her to use without need for a key but her husband never figured out how to use it and since it was the same color as the door, he did not notice it after first glance. This is from the Alzhemer's Store, but it may also be available on Amazon.

https://www.alzstore.com/confounding-door-lock-p/0247.htm

I send best of wishes to you, let us know how things are going; we will be thinking of you.

J.

loveskitties

Whatever solution you come up with to keep DW in, please consider how someone could get in for an emergency. You will need at least one door which can be entered so may require a different solution than others.

elainechem

I knew that my husband was a flight risk, so I changed out all the deadbolts for double keyed locks. Hubby didn't have the key. I didn't change the one to the back yard because he liked to go outside. And then there was the time my handyman came over to do something in the yard. He didn't have the key to the gate lock, so he lifted the chain link gate off the hinge and got in the yard that way. Hubby was watching. The next day, I saw hubby out in the front yard alone and I nearly had a heart attack. Who says Alzheimer's patients can't learn new things? I called my handyman back and he came and put hose clamps over the hinges. Hubby didn't understand why his new trick didn't work anymore.