Self-care and decompressing after a day of caregiving

dancsfo

Caregiving for PWD can be like walking on eggshells, as many of you know. Sometimes, late evening is the only time to decompress. I want to share some things that helps keep my mind off of things. If worrying or other things create anxiety and prevents a good night's sleep, it's not good.

I realize that everyone's different. Some people meditate, some people take to drink (not a good idea for most!), some people read. Anything that's not taxing on the mind. I think it's the mental exhaustion from caregiving that's the worst part, as opposed to something physical (although that can happen too)

A lot of us try to unwind by watching TV as an easy thing to do, but I realized that some shows are not too relaxing. Even nature shows may show you some zebra hunted by a crocodile, and that upsets me. I think watching some light situation comedy seems to work for me.

Books can help you escape. Serious books may draw you in and make you forget your day-to-day troubles, but it doesn't relax me too much as I start to think too much. Maybe some humor books work better for me.

Some people may try calm, so called "cozy" video games (like Animal Crossings on a Nintendo). That can work, but some video games can get you too involved and your mind becomes active (and upset if you lose!). Something quite lightweight, even solitaire can help.

I found a list of some self-care ideas that can help. Maybe I'm selfish talking about this and haven't learned how to deal with the situation.

https://www.trackinghappiness.com/how-to-get-your-mind-off-something/

GothicGremlin

I don't think you're selfish at all. We have to do things that protect our mental health otherwise we risk burning out, or worse.

Right now I'm decompressing and in my happy place - I'm virtually attending my home goth club (even though I don't live in SF anymore). The club has a website so that those of us who can't attend in person can still chat with others who are virtual. The club has cameras inside so we can all see the stage and the DJs and we can hear the music. It's not quite the same as being there, but it's something.

I'll be a better caregiver tomorrow because of what I'm doing tonight.

dancsfo

Glad to read that you are in your happy place. I agree with being a better caregiver by taking care of yourself!

Anonymousjpl123

I don’t think it’s selfish! And I thought these suggestions in the article were spot on. Caretaking, and having a loved one with dementia or alz, is incredibly taxing. I’m amazed at home much of my life is consumed by it - and I’m REALLY trying to hold onto myself.

I joined a gym and finally went swimming this past weekend. Long walks, vegging out to the tv, and especially talking to friends helps me too. I am also just in general trying to be more gentle, patient, and forgiving of myself.

None of us are doing this perfectly but we are doing it, and that says quite a lot.

pookabera

Self-care and decompression is not selfish and is absolutely necessary for the health and wellbeing of the caregiver. Caregiving can be exhausting - you are constantly monitoring your own reactions, words, decisions in a way that you don't always have to do in "normal" situations. Loved ones with dementia can be unpredictable and their needs/wants change on a daily basis.

I talk about my bandwidth and self-care as my "cup". My cup has been running low lately and the amount of time I have to refill it is limited. So, I try to surround myself with those little refills to help sustain me. My biggest refill is when I get to have those long "everything showers" (good-smelling body scrub, good-smelling body wash, lotions, candles, etc), cooking dinner with my husband, reading to my husband, and getting to unwind in my comfy bed.

I tend to isolate myself from friends and family when I'm overwhelmed/stressed, so I try to make sure I'm texting friends and keeping in touch. I learned quickly who My People are for this particular season of my life.

Caregiving for your loved one and yourself is not a perfectly straight line, but we can do hard things. <3

forbarbara

Thank you! I really needed this today. Please take good care of yourselves, everyone.

SDianeL

Thank you for posting this! This has been a rough week. My decompresses are: doing genealogy online, playing Mahjong Secret Garden on Facebook, reading, putting together puzzles, looking back at pictures of our travels in our RV.