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Suggestions about what to ask of a home health aid?
We've qualified for 24 hours of help from a home health aid paid by our insurance but I don't know what to ask of this person (if we can find one!). We are both ambulatory, ride bikes together and I manage household chores. My DH is easy going, polite, charming but needs to ask questions all the time and repeats himself…
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Compassion Fatigue
Compassion fatigue TED Talk [https://youtu.be/ZsaorjIo1Yc?si=L07hszirRcCX-mXP]
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Lack of showering
Our father has been going for extended periods (40 days at a time) without showering or changing his clothes, which has led to skin lesions. He also has incontinence issues on top of it. We are limited in our ability to intervene due to legal restrictions making these challenges difficult to address, especially when faced…
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Need to vent- Struggling as a F 29 y/o caring for Dad
I don’t even know where to begin. I’m just looking to vent and feel seen as I feel most of my friends do not understand and I have no family. My dad is 84 and was diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia about 4 years ago. My parents divorced when I was young and I have 1 younger sister. When dad was no longer able to live…
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Knitting saved my life
Last summer I was stuck at home caring for my DH who has mixed dementia. It was just about impossible to do anything except take care of him. Some days he stayed awake all day with no naps. Last August I found some knitting needles. I was taught how to knit as a child and stopped knitting more than 50 years ago. I…
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Another Surgery?!?
Today dad goes in for surgery. He has severely unmanaged type 2 diabetes and his last surgery advanced his dementia so much that he has gone from stage 3 to stage 5 quickly. He is having yet another digit removed from his foot and the hospital is acting like it is no big deal… I feel it is a bigger deal than they are…
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Regaining Sense of Self
Hi, all I found the video below just yesterday; and in my case it was quite timely. The video is a little over 10 minutes, but I think it is worthwhile for those of you who feel like you’ve lost who you used to be through all this physical, emotional and mental stress of caregiving. And if you feel like sharing with others…
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Forgot who I was dealing with :(
Just a vent… I made the tragic error today of forgetting that my mom is not really the same person anymore, the mom I used to be able to have meaningful talks and heart-to-hearts with. … We were having such a nice visit today. I took her my old baby book and we had such a fun time reading it together. Things took a turn…
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Tips for Caring From a Distance
I live in Oklahoma and my mother and stepdad live in Maryland. My stepdad is currently in a memory care facility with advanced Alzheimer's. My mother has a severe physical disability and has also recently been diagnosed with early stages of Alzheimer's. My sister and her husband moved into my mother's home to care for her,…
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Vascular Dementia
I would like to hear from anyone who is dealing with a spouse or LO who has this dx. My husband has been diagnosed with cerebral amyloid angiopathy—which seems to be the cause of this vascular dementia. We have been married since 1994. He is 79. This dx has turned him into basically a different person. He is 6'10" and has…
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Guilt Trips
I've always been susceptible to my mom's guilt trips, which is something I've been exploring with my therapist. But it's especially hard for me to brush them off now, because I feel responsible for moving her into AL near me, and boy does she like to complain about it! The bed is uncomfortable, the vent in the bathroom is…
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Bathroom accidents
Hi everyone. My mother is the primary caregiver for my father, who has Alzheimer’s that has been progressing quickly. We need some advice. Over the past few months, he has started having significant difficulties with toileting hygiene. He’ll use the bathroom but is no longer able to complete the wiping process — usually…
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Compound caregiving
Hello fellow caregivers. I'm curious if anyone else is on a similar journey to my own. Both my mother and husband were initially diagnosed with MCI two weeks apart, four years ago. At the time she was 78 and he was 63. I placed her in AL two years ago because there was no way I could care for two at home by myself. Now…
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"Survivor's" Guilt
I find that in addition to feeling guilty for the pain I am causing my mom by taking away her independence, I feel a form of "survivor's" guilt, in that it is very hard for me to allow myself to enjoy basically ANYTHING. I feel guilty feeling happy when I know she is struggling with so much (grief at the loss of her…
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Please help me keep my sanity
I wrote some of this in a reply to a comment, but thought I need some more support. I’ve been with my mom for the past week and she has done nothing but yell at me for the last 3 days. For context, I came to her house last week to take her to a doctor appointment, where she finally was given a memory test and did better on…
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Looking to connect in or near Houston Tx area
Hello friends- I am newly diagnosed Early Onset. I'm looking for support groups, counselors or therapists/social workers who can offer support in this stage. I am in my early 50s, still working, kids in college, mortgage, mom with Alz. I need help and a place to be able to talk about what this means for my life. Like,…
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Barely Surviving Everday…
Hi, I am new here. By a grace of God, I was given this website, believe it or not from a woman that was a customer service representative at the Treasury Department. My mom has Alzheimer’s, and I suspected it four years ago and sent the alarm to the family. Nobody believed me, and thought it was natural aging, and…
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What do you do for self-care?
My DH received his alz diagnosis 5 mo ago. He is no longer driving but manages most of his ADL’s & putters around our small farm. Most of my caregiving at this point is around appointments, finances, cooking, groceries, mostly typical household things. I can be away from home altho I try to spend as much time here as…
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Looking for Resources in Maryland
Hi there! I am seeking guidance to assit my MOL with my FOL's dementia diagnosis. He is going to adult day care three day per week, but still car tasks at home are getting overly challenging. Here are some of the main issues we are working with: -sundowning (lots of frustration throughout the day) -insomonia -inability to…
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We can't persuade her to take a shower anymore.
Hello, My 85-year-old mother-in-law with Alzheimer's lives with me and my husband. He works full-time and I am at home due to disability. We used to be able to remind her to take a shower every few days and she would grumble a little and do it. Then she started resisting more strongly. We tried asking her if there was…
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Focus on the Now, the Positive, the Moments
My name is Vickie B. I turn 50 in 4 days, and I've been living with younger onset Alzheimer’s since 2021. Have I cried? Yep- a few short times. BUT I have made it my mission to not stay/live in my sadness. I choose daily to see and find beauty and joy around me. And if I have a bad day, I give myself some grace. Honestly,…
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Refusing to shower
I have tried everything under the sun to try and help my mother (70) to shower. I have read articles, books, these discussions, you name it. I've tried things like a shower chair, washing her hair in the sink, washing her face in the sink, baby wipes. NOTHING helps when it comes to showering. Every time we approach the…
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Home for the Holidays
Hi to all, I ran across this video while checking to see if any new ones popped up on my YouTube channel. I found it to be quite helpful and relevant for this time of year. The title is “Caregiving and the Holidays: From Stress to Success” through the Wellmed Charitable Foundation. (If the link below doesn’t open for you,…
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Got the Job. Now What?
I was offered the job in Manhattan. Start date 10/20. 3 weeks from now. I should be celebrating, but it just complicates my situation. I have three options, none of which seem very good: 1. Take the job, and move both me and my mom up there, somehow, in 3 weeks. Find new apartments in NY, break leases, hire moving company,…
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New Role as Conservator and Guardian after Theft by POA
After a difficult effort to force my sister's POA (her son) to resign when we discovered he had taken more than half of her wealth, I am stepping into the role of her conservator and guardian which I am doing from across the country. My sister, who is in a moderate stage of dementia, is safe in an assisted living residence…
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Living with my grandmother as a 30 year, how do I make my own life?
Hello, I am 30 years old and live with and care for my 90-year-old grandmother full-time while working as a high school counselor. Long story short, my mom is a narcissist and comes up with 100 excuses on why she can't help me. She lives about an hour away and visits 1-2x a week and only takes her out to lunch, never…
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Guilt, Grief, and Memory Care
My mother and I always had a difficult relationship, but I know she loved me very much. She is in the moderate stages of Alzheimer’s and this disease has actually changed her into the sweetest person, partially due to her taking sertraline. So, in a turn of events I actually really like being around her now. She has enough…
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Father keeps asking where my mother is...
I'm sure this has been addressed many times previously, but I just signed up today. So I'll ask. I moved my 85-year-old parents into a personal care facility 4 months ago. My mother needed the extra care, but my father was fine even though he was in the throes of dementia. My mother passed away after 3 weeks in the…
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How To Be More Empathetic Towards Mom's Dementia Flashbacks
So my older sister (long-distance caregiver who visits every 1-2 months) just took my Asian mom to her first therapy session to work out the grief from my Dad's death (He died 13 years ago) and other emotional issues that fuel my mom's dementia flashbacks. We are going to do more sessions (virtually since I don't drive)…
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How to support mom?
We moved my dad to memory care this week after a stroke one month ago. My sister and I are physically, mentally, and emotionally drained, but also want to be able support my mom (82 yrs) with this life altering event. I call and she’s sobbing but won’t talk to me and just tells me she has to go. As exhausted as we are, I…