Mother in denial and agitated, paranoid, mean

sdavis01

My mother has had multiple strokes. The past stroke, 2 years ago truly did her in. She is unable to stand on her own without assistance and she has full paralysis on her left side. The strokes also exasperated her personality disorder (narcissism) and she says hatful things to myself and my father.

Her doctor mentioned she is showing signs of dementia and will prescribe something for the symptoms. She is combative and will refuse to eat, take her medicine and has called 911 repeatedly with false accusations. Unfortunately, we do not have responsible family around who can help us. I provide respite care for my dad but her behavior is really impacting my mental health.

We are trying to explore nursing home facilities but preferably in home care assistance. We cannot afford either, and my mother does not qualify for most coverage because she is married to my father who has a pension (it’s not even a fraction of the cost for care).

I’m extremely worried, exhausted and not sure how to navigate this. My therapist suggested filing for conservatorship.

What are your thoughts?

Quilting brings calm

Please talk to a certified elder care lawyer. There is at home Medicaid and there is institutional ( facility) Medicaid. The two have different financial rules. The eligibility rules are different for each state, but your father would be considered a community spouse. Your father would be entitled to stay in the home, keep a car, and a certain amount of assets and monthly income. You can Google institutional Medicaid in your state.

Anonymousjpl123

i would make a few calls to elder care attorneys as well. If you don’t have names, call the Alzheimer’s association hotline and they can share them in your state. Navigating life with a person with dementia - especially one with mental illness - is like living in a blender: you never know when things are going to spin. You will find a lot of comfort here and people who have walked in your shoes. Focus on the practical things - it will help you focus and get you through. Elder care attorney, conservatirship, financial plans. It seems daunting but trust me there is a lot of support. You came to a good place.

SusanB-dil

Hi sdavis - welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason. Some excellent advice posted, and also just want to add that you need to know you are not alone. Please do look into the advice posted, because you really need to watch out for your health and dad, as dealing with so much can lead to burnout.

My MIL also had 2 strokes, and we have our hands full. Some respite is needed at times. Her meds are keeping her stable, and one of our biggest issues is getting her to take them. She has anosognosia (nothing is wrong), so 'why take meds'. Due to vascular and alz, her meds kept the last stroke from being severe, but it did cause another 'step down' as we call it.

Do get paperwork in order. Tell her doc about the agitation. There are meds that can help, and if done properly, will not make her become zombie-like (for some folks, that is a concern).

Does dad have cellphone he can keep password-protected? Disappear any other phones to stop the 9-1-1 calls, and any other calls that are harmful.

DIANELYNETTE

If you are in So Cal Cheryl Walsh is an excellent Attorney She specialize in elderly care.