Can't find previous discussion.

CKCMaggio

I'd posted about when to know to move somebody from one home to another....my LO is constantly being sent out to the hospital, and they don't want me to visit her or take her out for a while....says it agitates her when I leave. Is this reasonable? She was so sad the last time I saw her (in the hospital), how can I not visit? She just wants to die when she has these moments of clarity. I need some help, but don't know what to do.

harshedbuzz

@CKCMaggio

Hi and welcome. I am sorry for your reason but happy you found this place.

There's a link to your previous posts on the right side of this page under Quick Links My Discussions. You can also find them by clicking a screen name or your avatar in the far-right corner in the purple banner.

Unless your LO is on hospice, they will likely be transported to the ER for a host of reasons. An unwitnessed fall, assault by another resident, acute change in mental status, etc. This can be very frustrating, and in many case unnecessary in retrospect but it is often a prudent decision in the moment. Safety first.

If you're LO is new to a MCF, the request to not visit and allow her to settle in is standard. If time has passed and you're still a trigger, the situation is more nuanced. Most PWD do eventually settle, especially if the MCF is one that is well-run. Another poster, @M1 had a situation with a partner who was triggered by her visits-- some of their posts and strategies might be useful for you.

HB

JeriLynn66

Unsure of facility

CKCMaggio She/her/hers / Ella MemberPosts: 7

Member

October 3

What do you do when you're not sure of the facility your loved one is in? It gets decent online reviews, but she is entering late….. is this the post you were looking for??

M1

Hi CKC. As HB mentioned, i had to put my partner in MC after a psych hospitalization in march 2022. i could not visit alone for the 13 months she was there, because she was so unhappy when she saw me that she just wanted to leave. After nine months I finally figured out that a huge part of the problem was that it was a small facility, and she felt very claustrophobic; there were no spaces other than her room where she could distance herself from a crowd of other residents.. I also had other problems with poor staff communication.

I had some faithful friends who would go with me to see her about once a week during this period. but after nine miserable months i decided to move her, and it took another four months for a bed to be available. It's been much, much better at the new place-not perfect, as she still asks to go with me almost every day when i leave, and she still is an introvert with little interest in group activities. She is still quite reluctant to let staff help her, so i usually help her shower about twice a week. Right now I'm visiting every day because she eats better if i am there, and i won't be able to keep that up indefinitely. But our visits are now pleasant and sweet, and she is thrilled to see me. Long way of saying to trust your instincts, and if it feels like a move would benefit her, go ahead and investigate the alternatives in your area.