How do I move forward?

lisarae

I lost my husband on September 30th. He fought long and hard, but he couldn't anymore. For 21 years I have shared my life with him and over the last 10 years I was his caretaker helping him face so many medical issues. The last 3 years I was with him 24 hours a day (3 times I had to leave for a few) which is the care he required. When he was put on hospice things started to happen quickly. He was no longer able to eat or drink. We could no longer move him and hospice had to make him comfortable. I was blessed to be able to be there until he took his last breathe knowing that I had done what he had wanted. Knowing he was sick and going to pass away is not the same as him being gone. I hurt so badly and I miss him so much. I feel so empty and just can't stop crying some days. Sleeping still isn't coming easily and I still can't lay in our bed. I will never get to hug him, tell him I love him, hold his hand or ever hear I love you. How do you learn to not hurt so badly, or learn to move forward, do things on your own or even live life without a huge part of you? I am sure that I am not the only person feeling this way, but unless you have experienced what we have in common you can't understand.

Jeanne C.

Lisa, I'm so sorry. You did everything you could as a caregiver. Not only have you lost your husband, but you've lost your day-to-day purpose. I can't begin to understand what you're feeling, but I wanted to respond so you know you're being heard. Reach out for help. You're in my thoughts.

ElCy

I feel the same way. My DH passed away 6 months ago. I’ve found a Griefshare group that is helpful since the people there know what I am going through. I’ve also found the Modern Widows Club. Knowing I am with people who understand loss has been the only place where I can find a little bit of solace l. I encourage you to seek out others who grieve.

melvina30

I lost my husband on Sept 29th and I was not able to be with him. He was only on hospice for 7 days and really in stage 7 the same days. I moved him to memory care on Sept. 12th and on the 18th had he rushed to the ER as he was delirious. There he tested positive for covid. ALZ is a slide and covid took him over a cliff. After 3 nights in the hospital they discharged him. Only he was not ready. The same evening his glucose was 359 and I call 911 again. After explaining that he just got out of the hospital they call the ER and they refused to see him and the fire dept then refused to transport. The next day his glucose was now 398. This was a person who was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes 15 years ago but always controlled it by diet and exercise. Never had to even take metformin. I was not with him when he took his last breath and that haunts me. My son and his wife had just left him and about 5 minutes later the hospice nurse called that he had passed. I had spent the afternoon with him and our two sons had visited him that day. It's as if he had said his last good byes. I yearn to touch him one more time and smell his scent. We would have been married 54 years in December. He was my best friend. I am a strong woman. He allowed me to be so I will be OK physically but he was my best friend and I have been missing him for the last couple of years but nothing like this. His services are next Wednesday and we are going to give him a hero's sendoff. He spent 25 years in the Navy and never touched a ship. Served in 2 wars and was deeply patriotic. He was my partner in everything we did. My heart is broken.