DH will not see a doctor

Roz1951

I am new to the group. Thank you for support and comments.
My husband has all the systems, but refuses to see a doctor. He has other health issues that he also ignores.
We have no children or relatives near. I am the one he takes all of his aggression and anger on. Does anyone have experience with the loved one refusing to see a doctor? How do you get help?

Roz1951

I meant to say symptoms not systems.

Jgirl57

Hi Roz and welcome ! With my HWD/Alz, I went with him to his annual physical and voiced my concerns to the doctor( my husband was very upset with me) . It was another six months of “watch and see” before I was taken seriously and then the multiple appointments/tests were ordered. You will need to take the lead somehow to make/keep the appointments . Many have used the excuse that insurance or Medicare will drop you if you don’t attend. After a few years, it is finally getting easier in that regard. He no longer argues about appointments and forgets about them by the time we are finished with our “ after appointment ice cream” . Do you have the DPOA and other legal papers for your husband? I also had my primary doctor give me anxiety medicine so I could do what needed to be done without constant crying and pleading and be able to ignore his anger and scowling at me. Keep reading here for ideas how to manage his anger.

Emily 123

Hi Roz,

There are other things that can mimic dementia, like a thyroid or vitamin D imbalance, or a UTI, so a visit to a doctor is needed to rule those out.

There are quite a few threads about this--I typed in ''getting to the doctor'' using the magnifying glass on the upper right of the page for ones that might help you. You are not alone. This is a really common problem: https://alzconnected.org/search?domain=all_content&query=getting%20to%20doctor&scope=site&source=community

Unfortunately, If it is dementia, the person with the disease may have lost the capacity to understand that they are experiencing some pretty big changes (this is called anosognosia).

In that case, they think they're fine, and that you're being unreasonable, which may escalate into anger and resistance on their part if you try to detail the changes you're seeing. Because of this, it can help if the caretaker doesn't discuss their concern that a visit to the doctor is needed. It will just make your person dig their heels in. Often the best success comes when you contact the provider's office ahead of time, away from your loved one, and share the behaviors you've seen, or hand a note off discreetly at check-in. In that way you might be able to get them to the doctor by saying that the check up is required for Medicare, or by the insurance company. I think it's important that you tell the provider about the anger and agression as well, so that there's follow through. Does he have a friend that could take him instead (if you think he's too resistant to go with you)?

I found these links and articles below very helpful--it really helps to understand how the disease causes the person with dementia to interpret the world. Understanding the progression of the disease will help you anticipate and manage his care. It's still very difficult, because the primary caregiver will get the brunt of the behaviors, but it helps to understand that what's causing them is the disease.

https://www.smashwords.com/extreader/read/210580/2/understanding-the-dementia-experience/Medium,Arial,Black,White,One-and-a-Half

Here are some helpful threads:

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/65171/books-about-alzheimers-disease

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/65993/excellent-handout-packet-dementia-stages-cgs-actively-dying-tam-cummings#latest

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/66314/anosognosia-how-to-help-when-they-dont-know-theyre-ill#latest

SDianeL

Roz 1951, welcome to the place for info & support. I told my husband that something was wrong with his brain and that he needed tests to see if he was OK. I contacted his primary care physician and asked for a referral. The first referrals should be to a Neurologist & a Neuro Psychologist. The Neurologist will do the MRI and the Neuro Psychologist the 3 hour eval. I made a list of his behaviors and sent them to his primary care doc. So start writing down what he does. Behavior and anger-agitation. Also please do not wait to get with an attorney and have him sign a DPOA. Don't tell him what it's for. Just say you need it in case something happens to him. I did one at the same time to have my daughter be mine. So he didn't think anything of it. It's a good thing I got it when my brother-in-law recommended it because within 6 months my DH could no longer read & understand documents or sign his name. I have used it several times. This is an excellent handout someone posted that I printed and keep track when a new behavior emerges. It has helped me communicate with his doctors and even caused them to relook at his CT Scan and change his diagnosis. https://tala.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/Tam-Cummings-LLC-Handouts.pdf

Jeanne C.

I am the one he takes all of his aggression and anger on. 

@Roz1951 please be sure to stay safe.

harshedbuzz

@Roz1951

If you can't force your DH to an outpatient doctor's visit, you may need a Plan B.

One option would be to ask for a neurology consult should he be hospitalized for anything. Dad was resistant to an evaluation. We ended up taking him to the ER in the midst of a psychotic episode. He was admitted and given a tentative diagnosis and referral for follow-up.

Another option if his aggression is significant enough, is to call 911 and have him transported via ambulance because of the risk to you or himself. Hopefully, he could be transferred to a geri-psych service and given medications to dial back the feelings that drive his aggression.

HB

storycrafter

Our pcp immediately prescribed a low dose of antipsychotic meds for my dh, which provided immediate help with difficult behaviors. The first referral was to a psychiatrist for managing meds/behavior. The psychiatrist referred him to the neuropsych (our most helpful link in reaching diagnosis). The neuropsych to the neurologist.