Not blame PWD, but blame myself for frustration

dancsfo

I'm sure most of you have figured this out, but it was so easy to blame the PWD for behavior. I would get frustrated and say (often to myself) "Why did you mix the salt with the sugar?" or "Why did you unplug the charger?"

I realize that I would never think that way if a young child (or even a cat for that matter!) behaves that way. Instead, I see a person who I remember before the decline, thus I would blame the PWD.

Now, I do not blame the PWD, and blame myself for not seeing things as they are, and I am less frustrated. I just fix things if possible and get on.

If I'm calmer, I think the PWD would also detect that, and things are better.

M1

The thing with a young child-if neurotypical, you know they're going to learn. Not so with our LOs. With a cat or other animal-at least the behaviors are limited and somewhat predictable. It is very hard.....this seven days in the hospital has been a throwback to pre-MC days, almost worse though because of the unfamiliar space, the inherent dangers (needles, IVs, even eating the hand sanitizer rather than rubbing it in). Questions every two seconds-where are we, why are we here, my mouth hurts, what happened, im hungry. I told her she was awful this morning and hurt her feelings, and of course she had no idea what i was talking about. Now i feel like a heel. Soooo tired...

dancsfo

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/187046#Comment_187046

You have a good point about how unpredictability makes a big difference. I'm sorry to hear about your challenges at the hospital, as it must be so tiring.

Iris L.

I hope more caregivers come to your conclusion, dancsfo.

Iris

mommyandme (m&m)

Accept and Adjust, that’s our caregiving friend. Well done!