Christmas sadness

annie51

I just need to talk today. Put up my Christmas tree and little train, then got the rest of the Christmas decorations out. My DH was in one of those moods where everything I did was wrong and I lost it (not with anger but with tears). I pulled myself together and he got better and was helping me get the decorations up. Then I began to put the ornaments on the tree. I always loved doing this - we've collected them over the last 35 years from all the different places we traveled to and it helps me re-live the memories. But then I began crying again as I realized he doesn't remember any of those trips anymore. Maybe I should have left the ornaments off. Some days I just can't hold it together and it's hard to hide my tears from him sometimes. I'm sure tomorrow will be better...

jfkoc

Oh, how I know about those ornaments etc. I have spent the past two weeks going through everything in my attic. ...touching and remembering...very hard.

Christmas decorations got fewer as the years went by. They are now down to a door wreath with some mementoes on it that otherwise hangs in a bag in the garage, a garland that hangs on my easel and a garland with chili pepper lights we had from the Santa Fe house.

Like yours, the ornaments on the tree were all special. Then the tree just had lights. When it was no longer "fun" to buy and put up a live tree the easel became the substitute.

There are so many losses...big and little...to shed tears over. We here understand and are with you in spirit.

Judith

Joydean

I can relate to what you are saying. Two years ago I got our tree out and started decorating it. Putting all the special ornaments on the tree. I then looked and noticed the box was empty and I sat down in the floor just looking at the empty box. I started crying because life felt that way to me. Dh had no idea I was even crying. I took all the ornaments off the tree and put them back in the box where they belonged. Took the tree down and back in its container. My dh never said anything. When our kids came on Christmas They did ask all I could say was the box was empty!

last year my daughter bought a new tree and brought it out here and decorated it with all new ornaments!

Joydean

CindyBum

I’ve decided it’s ok if my DW sees me cry about what’s happening now and again. I held it all back for nearly 2 years, then she saw me and it was ok. It didn’t change her progression, her mood or the reality of what’s happening to her, and me, and us.

You are allowed to be human in this difficult journey and there’s nothing more human than crying about a loss this big.

Denise1847

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/67149/christmas-sadness

Hi Annie51, I can relate to your crying. I was really losing it about 8 months ago (crying all the time). I first went to counseling and it worked for awhile. However, I started again and my PCP put me on an antidepressant (bupropion). That really made the difference. What helps me is not looking back because it only makes me feel badly. I stay in the present, today and make the most of it. Please take care of yourself.

Lorita

The holidays are just too hard. There's so many happy memories of times gone by when the everything was good and everyone was well. Now it's so different. Many of us are alone and many are dealing with caregiving. Those happy times will never be again so there are tears instead.

annie51

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/189183#Comment_189183

Very good advice about not looking back. I hope that is something I can practice and get better at!